how do you trust someone again?

Question

hi! i know you have heard of the quote "time can heal all wounds" but somehow i dont know why it wont apply to me. i mean i have the same fear i have since high school and up til now i am still in it. 10 years past. could you give suggestion on how to get over it? helpful suggestions pls?
Another of my issue is trust. Why is it easier to trust a new person that you meet in your life than confide to the one who knows you, for, say a year or so... Like when you get to know a person intimately... thats when the time you cant share what you feel inside because you fear that how they treat you might change? is this always the case?
how do you trust someone again after you've lost the trust in them because they dont or dont want to have communications with you?
thanks in advance

Answer 1

i understand how you feel.but u got to understand not everyone is guna hurt u.u just got to learn to move on.its okay

Answer 2

Time does NOT heal all wounds. That is why so many people that went through teasing in school or being put down by their parents have low self-esteem even late in life! Fear of being hurt is a natural feeling we all have. I suggest surrounding yourself with people that speak positively of others and don't gossip. Those are usually the kind of friends you can trust. You don't say whether you are mainly talking about males or females in your life, but I get a hint that you mostly mean guys?? The gossip thing is true for both sexes I think. But you KNOW if a girl talks about other girls, she will talk behind your back too! I think that it seems easier to talk to someone unfamiliar about things because you don't mind as much if they don't like you and walk away. When you have beome close to someone and you haven't shared your deepest secrets or feelings yet, you become afraid because it would be a huge loss if they judged you differently all of a sudden. You don't want to lose the ones you are closest to. I have dealt with these feelings in my life, and still do with some people. As far as learning how to trust someone again that has hurt you...well...this is another cliche', but "ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY." Meaning, once you have been burned, you are scared of it happening again. You have to look at each case and decide whether the person is worth another chance or not. But, I tell ya what...personally, I think TWO chances is enough. And, if someone has hurt you deeply, maybe you are better off to let them go :/

Answer 3

I don’t think that its trust you are talking about. It looks like someone stopped talking to you. If “they” don’t want to communicate with you, there could be 2 possible reasons. You did or say something what deeply hurt the “other party” OR “they” really don’t want anything to do with you, ever, ever again. Well, if it’s the last one, it will hurt for a very, very long time.
About the trust. Well, let me give you an example: I have two cars, one is 1999 Dodge, breaks down monthly, other is brand new 5 days old MAZDA. Which one will you take for a long trip? The car you know will most likely break down on your journey (or maybe not) or the one you haven’t driven longer than taken a test-drive? Here you go, if it failed you before; it probably will fail you again.
What comes into failed relationships, they do hurt and the pain usually last for years, like you mentioned. My first one failed 17 years ago. What makes me happy is to know how miserable he is now and how far I have gone with my life. Thank God I did not end up like him! Knowing it now was worth waiting :)

Answer 4

Trust is a big thing and hard. I have had people betray my trust. It isn't easy. What you could do is up to you. There are some people that I have just thrown to the curb. It depends on the situation. What I have done in my experience is forgave them but I watched them like a hawk or checked them out for everything they told me without telling them. They never had a clue I was doing this. Just try to stay one step ahead of them making it not obvious of course. One slip nail them and never turn back. Gaining trust takes time but once you know this person will change the trust will build up again.

Answer 5

It's often more difficult to share intimate feelings with someone who is very important in your life because you have so much invested in the relationship and want it to succeed. When you talk with a new acquaintance, they are usually not so important to you.
As for regaining trust in someone? That's very hard once you've been hurt by them. And if they won't or don't communicate well with you, regaining trust in them is probably not going to happen. A person who has nothing to hide hides nothing! A person who doesn't communicate gives the impression they're hiding something.
In that case, it might be useful to rethink the entire relationship.

Answer 6

Complete trust calls for an absolute assurance that the person you are confiding in cannot hurt you.

Human nature is such, that, though people have the best of intentions, because we are prone to weaknesses emotionally and spiritually we will fail ourselves and others, sometimes when its most necessary to be strong.

It would not be wise to expect absolute trustworthiness. The odds are against you.

If you go into relationships realizing that people can fail you, you won't expect so much trustworthiness that you are devastated when they do fail you.

Have expectations, but limit your expectations. And try to be understanding and forgiving when you are disappointed.

Remember your humanity; that YOU may fail someone at some point also.

Answer 7

I personally think that everyone has their insecurities. So for the person who wrote "get a life," maybe you should get one! That was insensitive! I feel that you should try to slowly peel away layers of distrust. It won't happen all at once, so don't force it. Despite the fact that you want to trust a person, don't be so quick to trust him/her and end up getting hurt again. Always be mindful of who you are around. Remember, everything that glitters isn't gold. Now, having said that, go out there and be the person you know you can be!

Answer 8

time can heal all wounds, it just takes sometime...talking with each other is helpful because you get to know each other more but it feels more difficult to tell them your inner feelings..trusting someone isn't really real to me..i always thought when you trust someone that someone will be god. not everyone can be trusted fully but it helps to do so..
you get over fear is to actually confront it,don't just back off,it might be just make you smile. fear is like an enemy it can't help it just fights back. none other than fear but someone not talking to you is the worst thing. talking is like a book telling all stories of life. your stories is wonderful i can tell alot others are wonderful too. everyone has this...but you can get over it once you just go out and try. goodluck

Answer 9

Go slowly. Don't share anything with someone you wouldn't want repeated or something that would really hurt you if it got out. I go by my husband's military standards of giving info only on a need to know basis-and most of the time they don't need to know.

I just detached from a 40+ year friendship because she did me really dirty. I let her read the manuscript of my book I'm writing and she really trashed me! She made fun of it and let her daughter and daughter's boyfriend read it too when I only wanted her to read it. She never gave me back the pages I let her read, and told me how they laughed about it too. Then had the gall to ask me for the rest of the book so they could read it.


I also helped her get a job where I worked and she ganged up on me with the office b---h over something I didn't do. I quit there too to get away from her. I sent her trespassing papers and wrote her a letter letting her know exactly how she hurt me.
Best thing to do is follow your gut feelings.

Answer 10

with trust comes work because I dont trust people but that is because I have been hurt so much that its why get hurt again I have taken it in stages like I talk but not all the time and when I do say something I am careful how much I say. I started talking to this guy and the same thing happen they get me interrested and then they stop talking I have come to the place I dont care if they talk they talk its not going to run my life

Answer 11

Action cures fear. Do something drastically different with your situation. I recommend a book by Susan Jeffers.."Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway." Its really good book and very easy to read. You wouldnt believe how much it will change you as a whole. Trusting someone again starts with yourself...do you trust yourself and have enough faith and belief to overcome your hindrances. Learn to trust your inner emotions first and then open up...hope this helps....i recommend the book fully!!!