I am tired of getting the "short end of the stick" concerning child support.....Ughh!?

Question

Why is it, that people PAYING child support, dont realize that you are paying that, to TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. You think that you can short me every week (you made up your own child support pymt amt, instead are paying 2/3 of what the court ordered you to pay every week. You pay 2/3, but then short me on THOSE payments or dont pay at all some weeks)........ meanwhile your arrearages are becoming more& more........and you want to say that just because you pay me SOMETHING every week, I should be grateful. LIKE I DONT PAY 100% of expensive childcare for both children, lunch money (full price), field trips, shoes, clothes for my house, pullups, monthly meds, ect. LIKE I DONT HAVE EXPENSES because of those kids! I even pay an extra $100/mo on a medical bill that I cannot get your help on, from the birth of one of our children! And why do us mothers still get GRIEF over "expecting a certain amount of child support" every week on a consistant basis.....Ready to screa

Already done the "reinforcing child support", but he pays just enough to not get arrested, and I am tired of looking like the B*TCH, by taking his income tax, and repeatedly being sneaky to get wage assignments set up.......Are us moms who are supposed to get child support, are we always the "bad ones?"

Answer 1

No one comes out ahead in a divorce. With children you both have a responsibility to care for them and do the best in their interest. Unfortunately most of us don't earn enough to care for a family separated. That creates hard feelings all around and everyone feels like he or she is on the short end of the stick. My heart goes out to you and I wish I had a better answer for you. Just hang in there and remember the children didn't ask for any of this.

Answer 2

I use to go through the same thing. I completely agree that the father should step up and "support" their children. However, sometimes it just doesn't work like that. We use to fight constantly about it until I got tired of it. I came to the understanding that I am a single parent, no help. Now, I have 10 times less stress and we get along much better. I just look at what he does give me as extra money for my son. Court order or not some people just get around it and that sucks. I have learned, and stressed this to him many times, that he is the one that he is going to have to be the one to explain his actions to our son when the time comes. I know this probably is not what you want to hear but it is truly how I learned to cope with the situation.

You what is funny though, they can skirt around the law and not pay the child support but in some states if the mother tries to withhold visitation due to lack of child support SHE can be held in contempt of court and arrested. How fair is that?

Answer 3

Anatalia is an idiot.

You must lower the quality of life for your kids. This sounds harsh, but your peace of mind is at risk here. Continue to pursue him relentlessly, but you must re-budget as if he is sending no money.

As a matter of fact, take the money he does send and put half of it in the bank, because it is quite likely that all his machinations are in an effort to figure out how to get away without sending anything.

No junk food, no sodas, no prepared foods. Teach the kids how to cook staples and do laundry, so that they don't need so many clothes. Shop secondhand, too.. Meat 2 nights a week. Buy sturdy shoes, no expensive sneakers. No keeping up with the Joneses or participating in the 'consumer society.'

I went through this, and I got rid of all TVs simply to reduce the demand for stuff that comes with all the ads. Plus there was no cable bill. No video games either. Tell your kids that you love them, but that your blood pressure and general health cannot be compromised while you're strung out trying to make a lifestyle that you can't afford. Point out that the alternative--that if you're no longer there, it gets even worse.

This isn't harsh. It's much less stressful than living a lie, and it creates a sound base for the kids to rally around you and support you and one another.

You shouldn't have to be grateful for him to maintain his own responsibilities.

Answer 4

I have been there before myself, I can feel your anger. Take a deep breath review your divorce documents is he liable for 50% of those child care expenses, health insurance and extracircular activities? If so keep good accounting and receipt to everything he owes you don't fight with him your not going to get anywhere he knows it bothers you and that's why he does it. You are supporting your children let his arrearages add up eventually he will have to make some arrangement for re-payment. In illinois after a certain amount of arrerage they suspend their drivers liscense. Walmart has a dead beat dad wall stick his picture up there and let everyone see what a loser he is. As far as the one child that is his but he pays nothing file for a paternity test and get an order for child support from the court. I would continue to collect his federal tax return it's owed to you. You need to control the anger I know it's hard but you children will be happier in the long run he will get what is coming to him and you will get what is owed to you. In Illinois there is Kidcare for insurance benefits see if you qualify, Visit the website below .Public Aid to go after arrerages they will get your money, Call Child Care Resource and Refereral at 801 n Larkin Ave suite 202 located in joliet illinois website listed below. If you do not live in Illinois you can call these agencies to get the number in your state. Best of Luck it will eventually end sooner or later.

Answer 5

My ex DOES pay child support and it is the maximum...however it falls short by $235.00 a month for HER costs. I work and support myself. If I didn't have her my paycheck would go farther than it does. No I am not regretting having her however that is just the simple truth. It is okay, I don't begrudge her the extra $235.00 a month, but it would be nice to be able to have a savings account, it would be nice to go on vacation after not being on one for the past seven years. (of course her father travels to Florida three times a year, has an apartment in PA and a house in NY.) I love it when men complain about where "their" money is going to when they pay child support.

Answer 6

Why isn't the child support taken directly from his paycheck? This is standard in most states that i know of?

You are angry, and i'll bet dollars to donuts you are consumed with this, when it would be much healthier to accept the fact that he is lax, and there isn't much you can do about it -- short of PETITIONING THE COURT to take the money directly from his paychecks.

see if you can?

being angry about it isn't going to change anything, and will only make you feel miserable, to the point of illness, hon.

i sure hope it works out.

Answer 7

You are not a b*tch, and you are not an evil woman. I know it's frustrating (been there).

Men like that don't care about their children. The money is more important to them than their own kids. I will never understand it.

Scream all you want. Lots of us, women and men, DO understand.

Answer 8

I would know how you would feel if I was even getting one DIME for our boys but the truth is, Child Support has been after him since the divorce....he doesn't give his boys anything.....I cannot understand it. I really cannot.

EDIT- to that person under my answer:

TRUST ME! There are SO MANY ways these deadbeats will find to not have to support their children. And if they work cash jobs, FORGET IT!!!!!

Answer 9

you're scary. and mean. :-( i don't think i'd give you my money either.

ever hear the phrase, you attract more bees with honey . . .