Is it bad to have an affair with an unhappily married man?

Question

My friend is having an affair with a married man. We are both 22, and he is almost 40 and took her virginities. Sometimes it doesnt bother me, other times it does..what are your feelings on the subject

By virginities i ment vaginal and anal

Answer 1

Yes it is bad, he's old enough to know that he's taking advantage of her, he's what I you'd say getting his cake and eating it too. She needs to get away from him..............

Answer 2

I would say that if he is unhappily married why don't he get out of the marraige? Many times a person will say that they are in a unhappy marraige just to munipulate another person into thinking that its ok to cheat. But its adultry in the biblical sense and very much wrong.
In a moral sense, is it just him that's unhappy? Maybe you should try asking his wife if she's aware of the unhappiness, or ask her if its ok to have an affair with her husband.
When ever I get hit on by a married man, and he says its because its a unhappy marraige, I ask him is his wife is aware of that, if he says yes, then I ask him if having an affair will make the marraige a happy one, the other one is my wife and I have an open marraige, then I say well then guess you won't mind my asking her if its ok.
Sometimes people at almost 40, esp. men are going through a mid-life crisis, they want to feel like they still have it so they will seek out a much younger person to boost the ego.
I doubt that he will leave is marraige, if he wanted that he would have left before having an affair. So if he has promised this to your freind, she better not hold her breath. If he dose leave his wife to be with her, then ask her "who's he going to leave you for?" she will never be able to trust him, she will know that he has a history of cheating, he did it with her.
He will never trust her, after all she had an affair with a married man. So either way they will never have a comfortable relationship, if he has kids, they will be about her age, if he's been married for many years, she will always be viewed by his family as the person who broke up a home, even though just due to his age and experiences in life it was him and not her.
I know that i'm much more worldly, mature and aware of emotional verses the reality of situations at 40 than I was at 22.
But in this case I don't think its a mid-life thing, I think this is just a horrible, self-centered creep. How cruel of him to take something from her that should have been givin to a person that really loved her, if he was a real man and cared about your freind at all, then he would have waited until either he knew that he's marraige was over, divorced and that she was going to be a part of his future, or moved onto a person less innocent to fulfill his sexual desires, and left her alone. That alone tells me that he is uncareing, lacks moral fiber, integrity,and is a user of women. No decent, mature man of almost 40 would do that to a young women.

Answer 3

Yes it is bad to have an affair with an unhappily married man. Just so that you know a man will always tell you they are unhappily married when they want to have an affair. If they are so unhappily married they should get a divorce but they usually use the excuse I am staying there for the kids (if kids are involved). Which is a bunch of BS. She's young and he is probably telling her a bunch of crap so she stays. Guess what she deserves better much better.

Answer 4

Of course it is wrong. Even though he is unhappy, he is still married so he is cheating on his wife and your friend is the one he is cheating with. Also, if he is truly unhappy then why isn't he divorced? He is most likely lying about being in an unhappy marriage because he thinks it's an excuse for him to be able to cheat and it's not like he would tell your friend that he is absolutely in love with his wife, but wants a little side love with a girl half his age.
Your friend does not need to be involved with a married man. Tell her to imagine if she was the wife and her husband was cheating on her- that won't make her feel too good now will it? Your friend will most likely regret losing her virginity to a married man as part of an affair.

Answer 5

Hi hon... first of all this isn't your problem, so i don't know why on earth it would bother you. you can be concerned for your friend, but if you are allowing this to affect your emotions, you really need to reassess what is important. YOUR LIFE and the way you live it, is more important than the choices your friend has made. You can't control anyone but yourself.

My feelings on this subject are -- your friend is very young and apparently doesn't realize that this guy is probably using her for sex. your friend has no clue that this man has NOTHING to give her emotionally, because he is married and unhappy, and has not taken the time to sort out his life or figured out what to do about his marriage.

Even if he separates from his wife, he would be rebounding if he got into a relationship with your friend afterward.

a 22 year old and a 40 year old haven't anything in common, either.

take care of YOU.

Answer 6

Na you shouldn't ever mess with a married man no matter how bad he says he doesn't like his relationship, for two reasons: He could be lying to use that to get into her pants, and he still has a wife that will feel pain if she finds out.

This guy is a sleeze ball because if he is unhappily married why doesn't he get a divorce?

In plain I think you should stay away from married man because a lot of married many tend to not care about they're wives and just cheat on them

Answer 7

OMG!!! How long has he been married? Men who cheat always say they are in an unhappy marriage. If your friend know for a fact that he is in an unhappy marriage & if he is in love with her then, hmm this is a tuff one. Your friend is still very young and depending on how long this man has been married and if there are children in this marrage then chances are he is not going to leave his wife. If they have been married for many years he would have to concider all he would lose and possibly allamony & or child support.
These things have to be concidered. I wish she had not given this man her virginity. Some day she is going to fall head over hills with a man who is un attached and closer to her age. I just married last week my husband was married when we started seeing each other but. I've known him for many years and I know his ex and I knew what she was
ALL ABOUT!!!.
They had only been married 2 years no children.
The only reason I concidered going out with him was because I knew about her affairs's's
He left her 2 weeks after we started seeing each other.
My point is your friend needs to tread lightly around this situation and really think about what kind of situation he is REALLY in & more important what kind of situation will she be in.

Answer 8

If he isn't separated from his wife, it's wrong.
You NEVER get involved with a guy that's in a relationship.
If this guy cares about your friend, he needs to split from his wife so he can be with her.
It sounds to me as though he's using your friend for her entertainment value instead of valuing her as a whole person. If she's never been in a relationship before, I can understand how a more experienced guy might be able to lure her in - but the whole story sounds like a bad ending waiting to happen.
He's married and with that, he's got a responsibility to his wife to stay faithful. It's a really bad idea to be the other woman - your friend is basically putting the message out there that it's okay to cheat. Yet worse - she's the one who's responsible for whatever pain his wife suffers from this affair.
I know it takes two and the guy is to blame too... but your friend could have told him to go back to his wife and either make it work or break it up.
She needs to sit him down badly and not drag this out.
Nobody wants to be the other woman - especially since you're putting yourself into the position of being the one cheated on yourself later on.

Answer 9

Dear Aunt_nin...,

All affairs are wrong! Men who are morally challenged always use the "unhappily married line" to get into a woman's panties. It is unfortunate that a lot of women look for love in all the wrong places and that's usually in the arms of some married woman's husband. I'm so sorry that your friend decided to sell herself so short and so cheaply. To bad for them both.

Answer 10

Yes it is bad because if he is unhappy, then he needs to leave the marriage legally before getting involved in another relationship. He should be at least at legal separation. At this point it is not just a relationship between the two of them, it involves three people. It is not right now matter how unhappy someone is to get into another relationship until they are permanently and legally divorced from each other. They are both being irresponsible in this situation.

Answer 11

Having an affair in itself is bad. Having an affair with a married man is worse. If he is unhappy in his marriage, he and his spouse can resolve their differences mutually or get help from a counsellor. Just because he is unhappy does not justify having an affair.