My husband left me for another girl, who is also married . We've been through a lot before he and I got married, because everyone is against us. He was separated with two daughters, that is why. He told me that he doesn't love me anymore and I can't seem to find the reason why? After all that we've been through, then he'll tell me doesn't love me? It's really hard specially my 3 year old son is always looking for him. And my 1 year old daughter won't even know him. I still love him, and I still hope and pray that we'll still be together. And I know for myself that I can forgive and accept all the things that he has done, that's how I love him.
2007-10-19 04:38:47 · 41 answers · asked by revengemama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to pick up and do the right thing for your children. If he said he doesn't love you anymore, you should move passed the relationship you had with him and concentrate on your life. He should still be in your lives for the sake of the children, but you shouldn't hold on to something that isn't there. Besides, you don't need a man! All you need are those precious babies smiling, calling you mommy, and loving you no matter what! Good luck!
2007-10-19 04:44:06 · answer #1 · answered by WT 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dear Revengem...,
I don't think I could have said it better myself. The writer "Letterst" said it best and I agree 100%.
I would like to let you know that you are not alone. My husband of 15 years did this to me. He was a cheater and was determined to be unhappy. I tried and tried and tried until I was mentally and physically exausted. I asked him for a divorce and the filed 3 months after he abandoned me and stiffed me with a house I could not afford and the bills. I'm glad that we did not have children. I wanted children and it never happened.
I am still hurt, but I decided that I was not going to be a door mat for mental and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, a kind, loving nature will not make some people change. People represent where they come from. All you can do is pray for that persons salvation and move on. I did and yes it is hard, but I would not trade my piece of mind, sacrifice none of my respect for myself nor give another soul the power to continue to humiliate me. The embarrassment is enough to fight with, let alone living with a person who has you on guard all the time or makes you feel subservant. To be submissive is a beautiful thing to someone you love. Nonethess, to hell with being subservant to someone that you choose make a priority and they in turn make you an option. My ex admitted to me that he no longer loved me. It stabbed me right in the heart and I literally thought I'd die and could not survive without him. I have no other family, they are all dead and had nowhere else to go but stay in the house and struggle. I made the discision to not look back regardless of how I felt. A year and 8 months later I am still here and you will be too. Now, you must learn what I did, and that is to put your whole heart and trust in God and not man. Man will deceive you, but God is always there. May you soon find the peace that passes all understanding.
-Love your Sister in Christ,
Monica
2007-10-19 05:56:53 · answer #2 · answered by Monica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can say is that he did you a favor he told you he did not love you and this is a better way to let him go. You need to for the sake of your children if he does not love you then how do you know he cares about your kids I understand that you have been through alot and that it is going to be hard but get help. Talk to people and if he comes back don;t take him back she cheated on you once he is going to cheat on you all the time and continue doing it because him and this girl didn't just decide from the nigh to the day that they liked each get it through your head he was CHEATING ON YOU. And that is just plan wrong get angry don't take him back look for someone that does deserve you and it happy with you and your kids your son is only 3 he will come to see that his daddy is not going to come home and he will forget love him comfort he find refugee in your children because they are the ones that need you and they are always going to need you.
2007-10-19 04:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a "rebounder"... and in this one paragraph you wrote, you told me about two rebound relationships he's had -- he separated from a wife, and went straight to you, and now he's leaving because he claims he does not love you anymore, and jumps straight into another relationship
When a person leaves a relationship, they have absolutely NOTHING to give to someone else emotionally. So when he came to you while separated, and right now while he's with a new girlfriend, he is trying to prove he is still loveable. Once he gets through this, he won't love the other girl anymore, either.
People who go from one relationship to the next, without taking time to grieve, readjust to life, and make plans for their futures, will never succeed.
I can't understand why you want someone like this back. If he does not love you, then let him go. I know it's very sad for the kids, but at least they are young. Older kids are the ones who suffer the greatest amount of emotional distress through divorce and separation.
I do not belive I'd want to be with someone who says they dont' love me.
take care.
2007-10-19 04:46:52 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok if he was to come back right this moment you are telling us you will forgive him. It does not work that way. If he was to come back he would use you as a door mat. If he is not willing to work on this marriage and has already went with another woman then I suggest you show him by being the best mom you can be. Go out start having fun living the single life. If he knows you are waiting for him he will just disrespect you even more. Go out with your friends and make new ones. Try to further your career. Keep yourself busy and do not contact him unless it is an emergency with the kids. Give him space and if he decides to come back think really hard and long on why you should. Good luck.
2007-10-19 04:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by Judi W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouuch! I know how hurtful that is, and I am sorry that you have to go thru this. However, there is no need to want him back if he doesn't want to come, and from my observations you may be better off without him. I know that is not what you want to here but NOW that the sh** has hit the fan, we have to live in reality. The first thing you need to do is recognize that YOU WERE ENOUGH!! his reason for leaving REALLY has more to do with him vs you. You did your best, and if your best wasn't what he needed he should have told you what he needed. He should have articulated that with his mouth vs going outside of your marriage and hoping to find another solution. Now from you letter it sounds like this is a pattern with him. It sounds like he runs away from his relationships thinking that the grass will be greener on the other side vs being a mature person and working on the relationship he is currently in. With that being said thats not the energy you or your children need in your life. I am sorry that your son looks for him all the time and your daughter may never know him. But the truth of the matter is I have to wonder what type of father he was in the first place. It sounds to me like he may have been physically there but emotionally absent. Because if he was truly there both physically and emotionally your split would not cause him to absent from your kids lives. Search your soul and answer this question for me! Are you really in love with him or the idea of HIM. Meaning does he really add as much meaning, joy and contentment to your life as you previously thought. Or did you kind of create this fantasy world where you pretended that he did because she didn't want to face the fact that your family may have been right. He is not the man you thought he was.
2007-10-19 05:29:55 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh I can just imagine how hurt you feel. First of all, think back to what type of man he is, you said when you met him he was separated and left his wife and children to be with you, now it sounds as if this situation has repeated itself with you being the one he left this time. That indicates a pattern with him, he leaves when the going gets tough. Bad news for a husband to be this way. I know it hurts and you did not go into this relationship expecting this to happen. But what else can you do? If he obviously has left and refuses to face the problems and work on them and prefers to bail out and be with someone else, there is nothing you can do. Sit down and write down all the negative things about him and I bet you can think of many. Read your list over and over until you get a clear picture of the type of man he is. Trust me, you will see he is not a prize. If it will make you feel any better, know that in time he will do the same thing to the girl he is with now. Once things get too much he will pick up and leave her too. You do not see this now, but you are better off without him. Learn from this mistake and by next time being more selective in the type of man you pick. Best of luck to you & God Bless!
2007-10-19 05:17:12 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you can still hope, you'll get back together, and if you can still forgive , then hold on to those things, but, remember, he has already done this to another lady, and their children,
I'm not there, so of course I don't see everything that is happening,
He doesn't Honor the word commitment, He only looks after what HE wants and he's not looking backwards at the lives he is destroying.
I wish you luck and happiness dear.
God bless.
2007-10-19 05:12:26 · answer #8 · answered by luvspace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry that happened to you but you can't give anyone that much power over you. if he flat out told you he doesn't love you anymore..... he meant it. U have to let it go for the sake of your children. Don't show your daughter that its okay to settle for less than what she deserves. U need to realize that this guy doesn't care about you or the children and that u deserve better. a man that honors your love. just think of all the times things went wrong with your relationship and the bad outweigh the good. Move on.
2007-10-19 04:51:16 · answer #9 · answered by Keyana B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you he doesn't love you b/c he has someone new in his life. it doesn't sound like he is willing to talk to you, does his girlfriend's husband know what's going on? unfortunately, I don't think there is anything you can do but move on. You can forgive him but you will never forget what he did and when or if he comes back it will probably happen again. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Get a good Divorce attorney and move on. Your 1 year old will eventually know who her father is, your 3 year old will adjust to the situation at hand. you want to give you children a loving family to grow up in. Think about yourself and your children, you deserve better.. Good Luck!!!
2007-10-19 04:52:15 · answer #10 · answered by Virgo Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋