For women who don't want to be a SAHM, why?

Question

Why do you choose not to be a stay at home mom?

(I know there are some single moms out there that do not choose this, I don't mean any offense to you guys. :o) )

Dictator: I currently do have a job. Once my baby is born I will be at home. My husband and I don't want anyone else raising this baby except for me.

Answer 1

I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of working. Sure, I get that from my boyfriend and friends, too. However, I enjoy the challenge of work, and the satisfaction of doing it well.

Answer 2

A lot of women like the income they earn from working at jobs. It does make them feel good when they are contributing to the family financially. There's also more security in families with two incomes. In single income families, what happens if the breadwinner gets fired, demoted, or laid off and can't find another job right away or one that pays as well? Another thing to think about is that many women want the opportunity to be able to interact with other adults that have nothing to do with their families. In many areas, being a stay-at-home-mother can be an isolating experience. Most of the other homes in the area are empty all day while the people work.

Answer 3

Because:

1. SAHM's are DOCUMENTED to suffer higher rates of depression than non-SAHM's. This has been well known for many decades now - in fact an entire generation of women became hooked on Valium - in a misguided effort to 'cure' them.

2. There is more to career than simply a financial reward: there are opportunities for socialisation, opportunity for intellectual stimulation, sense of accomplishment...and many others. Some rewards are tangible; others less so but they nevertheless remain important rewards essential to good mental health.

3. Women who stay out of the workforce for too long have difficulty re-entering. Skills become outdated. One becomes passe. For details see:

Modern Love – Paradise Lost
(Domestic Division)
By TERRY MARTIN HEKKER
Published in The New York Times Jan of 2006 and available at
http://www.terrymartinhekker.com/newyorktimes06.html

It begins:
"A WHILE back, at a baby shower for a niece, I overheard the expectant mother being asked if she intended to return to work after the baby was born. The answer, which rocked me, was, "Yes, because I don't want to end up like Aunt Terry."

That would be me."

4. Loss of health benefits, pension plan, etc.

5. Loss of income.

And that's just a start.

Answer 4

Because not only have I wanted a career since I was a young girl I also want to have a family. But I want a family in which I can support them solely by myself if the situation arises that way.

Being a mother is my main goal in life (I'd actually rather be a mother than a wife). But the domestic part of it isn't all that I want. I want to be a mother and an equal earner, I want stimulation outside of the home as well. I want to do something for the good of society, I want to be a productive member of society. I want to know that I can be independent and not reliant on another person.

Answer 5

I have been both at different times in my life. When I was younger, my salary was not so important and it was fine for me to stay home. When I had my daughter 15 years later, my career had progressed to where I was earning a substantial amount and loved what I was doing. While I loved my daughter as much as my sons, I would have been unhappy to leave a position that I had worked hard to obtain. I was able to have a loving family member be a caregiver. I was lucky that as a professioinal, my hours were flexible and I was still able to do many things with her. I found that it is possible to be both an executive and a mother and do a good job at both.

Answer 6

I think I pretty much answered your question when you asked the career question.. Bottom line, I don't want to be miserable. I want to live a happy life. I understand some people want to stay at home, but I don't.

Plus there's the fact that I simply don't want children. I don't want to contribute to the overpopulation of this world, so if I do decide to have a child it will be by adoption, and this child will be a somewhat older one who has already started school.

Answer 7

I don't want to a mom of any kind, stay at home or otherwise. I find child-rearing to be dull at best, drudgery at worst. So I am intentionally childless.

I think it's great that you want to stay home and raise your baby. Just be aware of the peril you're putting yourself in--if something happens to your husband or he leaves (and don't bother saying that can never happen; every woman who was ever abandoned feels that way), you will find yourself with outdated job skills, no money, and a child to support. If I were you, I'd insist on a separate bank account in your name only, with monthly deposits out of your hubby's check for as long as you're home.

Answer 8

Because work life gives a strong sense of accomplishment and meaning. So does SAHM but it's not the same.

Have you ever had a high-level job with important responsibilities? It is quite addictive. You just don't want to leave it! And the $$, wow!

I believe this is why. Short and concise.

Answer 9

As the mother of four and a resident of one of the costliest counties in the country, it's an absolute HAVE TO.

But, even if it weren't, I LOVE working outside the home. I love the balance of having a fulfilling career that is all about me, coupled with the love and warmth of having a large family to come home to and spend time with.

Why do you choose NOT to work outside the home?

Answer 10

I didn't want and ultimately couldn't have children. It was never an issue. Oddly enough, my closest friends were all SAHMs, and they worked as hard at what they did as I worked at what I did.

Answer 11

Some want a career and do what they are good at, some have to out of financial need, it doesnt matter why, it is everyones individual choice of what makes them happy.