I bought my wife an engagement ring before she deployed overseas with NG two years ago. I couldn't afford one when we got married, so I saved up for a couple of years to make it special. I gave it to her for Mother's day (2005) and she deployed in October 2005. While she was deployed, she was having affairs with 2 men, one of whom was married.
I have since filed for divorce, gained custody of our daughter and moved out state. My wife would bring our daughter to stay with one of the men (on the pretense they were at the beach) and I took an opportunity to finish grad school and work around family.
Money is much tighter these days and I don't think the ring really meant anything to her (we stopped having sex within weeks of me giving it to her and she was having an affair within months of me giving her this ring). Am I right to ask for it back? Do I have any justification in doing so? In addition to the money that would help us, I feel betrayed by this woman. Thanks.
2007-10-19 04:19:01 · 32 answers · asked by Tri-Guy 2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It was a gift, sorry.
2007-10-19 04:22:00 · answer #1 · answered by Opps 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
While I understand that you feel betrayed, a ring is a gift and it would be lacking in class to ask for it's return.
Technically you were already married when you gave her the ring, so it isn't an engagement ring.
Try to look at the situation in a positive light. you're getting rid of a two-timing (three?) shrew. she's somebody else's problem now.
The ring, had it truly been an engagement ring should have been returned by her if she chose not to accept your proposal. After marriage the ring can no longer be considered an engagement ring and is considered a gift in legal circles.
2007-10-19 04:47:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If a ring was given as a gift specifically for a Mother's day present, then that's all it was. Don't ask for it back, that's like asking for someone to give back their birthday present.
If the rings were given as a condition of marriage, or with the understanding that the rings have meaning specific to your marriage, then you should include it in the divorce papers as you start separating out the property or assets gained during your marriage -- if she really wants to keep it, then have her leverage something of equal value as part of the settlement.
2007-10-19 04:30:51 · answer #3 · answered by starlord_work 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to request the ring back.
While it is often assumed that the female keeps the engagement ring, it is not necessarily the case, and ex-fiances have taken such issues to court.
If you feel strongly about keeping the ring, it would be a good idea to consult with an attorney about your legal rights to the ring.
As far as etiquette, Emily Post at www.emilypost.com advocates returning the ring regardless of the circumstances of the break up.
2007-10-19 04:25:10 · answer #4 · answered by slave2art 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An engagement ring is not a gift, it is a cotract. You asked her to marry you and during the ceremony you said for better or worse, she broke the contract. I say if you want it back tell her. You should have said something in the divorce papers, making it a part of the deal...Best of Luck!
2007-10-19 04:42:15 · answer #5 · answered by Tankerwife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. Consider it a life lesson learned. In truth, the ring will only be worth about 1/3 of what you paid for it. Although this my help you out in the short term, I think in the long run you'll be better off having as little to do with her as possible. Good luck.
2007-10-19 04:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by Steve F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you absolutely have a right to ask for the ring back. Afterall, I agree that she betrayed you. Explain to her how money is tight, and how the ring could possibly help finanically or emotionally. Hopefully she'll understand. If she had the audacity to have an affair with 2 men, she should have enough respect to take the ring off.
2007-10-19 04:23:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
That is a really tough question. I think in a way it was a gift so you really can't ask for it back. But then in another way you gave it out of love and she doesn't love you if she could cheat with TWO men. I'd ask for it back if I were you. Good Luck
2007-10-19 07:14:45 · answer #8 · answered by julie s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was a gift to her, & so no, I don't feel you should ask for it back. You have every right to feel betrayed & it's a sad situation. The nice (& right!) thing for her to do is to offer it back to you! I wouldn't hold my breath, though. If she was one to do what's "right", there wouldn't be this situation. If the 2 of you are on "friendly" terms for your daughter's sake, you could nicely tell her how you feel & see what happens. A gift is a gift, though.
2007-10-19 04:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother asking for it back, because she will not give it to you. Legally, you gave her the ring and it is now her property. Feelings or not. Unfortunately... Look into some programs in your state to help you with the cost of child care, health insurance, groceries, etc. Good luck to you friend.
2007-10-19 04:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No you can't ask for the ring back that would be petty. Just let it go and try to move on with your life. Ask your wife to pay child support if you need extra money.
2007-10-19 04:24:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋