Why do some feminists think that the husband will always fail?

Question

I've been reading some comments from feminists on certain questions. A lot of the responses seem to assume that a husband will almost always do one of the following:

a) Abuse you.
b) Rape you.
c) Divorce you.
d) Become unemployed and lazy.

I'm wondering why some feminists seem to believe that most husbands are going to do one of the previous? Why make the exception the rule when setting your path in life?

Baba Yaga: I'm sorry you believe I'm baiting people. It's an honest question though. Why would you make such a statement as: "You've read nothing that indicates any of the above. " when actually I have. Most of those comments are towards women speaking about being a SAHM.

I agree women need to be prepared for IF something bad should happen, such as death of a spouse. The husband and wife should have insurance policies and money saved. I completely agree.

Also, do know that I stated SOME feminists, not all. I know you don't all think this way. I just wanted to know why some do.

I hope that helps to clarify.

Rainbow: I can say it's an honest question because after reading multiple comments about the items I discussed I though to myself, "Why do some feminists think that the husband will always fail?"

I've had abuse and forms of rape from my ex-fiance as well. I know what it's like to not trust men. However, I have moved past it (mostly) and have learned to trust. That's why I have this question.

I'm sorry you feel that I'm trying to denigrate feminists. That was not my intention.

It's just a question.

Professor: Please don't assume that I live my life with blinders on. As I stated, I am well aware of the dangers SOME men can do. However, I have learned to plan accordingly. I picked a great husband. We have life insurance. We have money saved. None of the horrible things I went through made me think, "Oh, all men are untrustworthy, I must never become a SAHM or the like b/c it will happen again." I did realize that I needed to be a little wiser with my decision when finding a husband.

Yes, 50% of marriages do end in divorce...hmmm... no fault divorce- was it really a great idea? However, what are the statistics on rape, abuse and unemployed lazy husbands? If you are going to say what I stated was not the exception why not prove that EACH item was not an exception and not just one. Plus, the divorce rate is what it is because people choose to allow their marriages to fail but I won't get into that now...

Professor: I didn't me you. One of the people in the marriage allowed it to fail. Either one or both.

Answer 1

I would assume those who feel that way have a personal lack of trust for men due to past issues---feminist or not. And men do make mistakes too. You don't fire your VP because he made a mistake, unless it was a fatal one and the survival of your company is at stake or the same mistakes are repeated. You work out the issue as a team and fix the problem...you don't take away a man's confidence and belittle him because he was in charge of something and messed up. People perform well when you give them confidence and let them know you believe in them---not the opposite....we all mess up...as long as people see a family/marriage as a power struggle, they won't succeed. I can't stand this view on relationships.

Answer 2

well the whole 50% of marriages end in divorce is actually a little untrue if you rate that some people are getting married 4-6 times.
I am a stay at home mama, for the first year after my daughter was born I worked part time the next year I gave up my car.
and I can tell you letting go of any safety net and transportation was very hard, I let go of a lot of my "freedoms" however it only strengthened our marriage and our bond.
Trust is a very hard thing in our current day and even though I am married to an excellent man it has still taken several years and several steps to fully Trust. Why?? because we are indoctrinated with horror stories of marriages, divorces, murders, identity theft and all sorts of other equally horrific things which make us feel that the second we let our guard down we are going to be destroyed.
The problem is this happens, and when bad things happen you tell people Lots of people, when good things happen you tell only a couple of people.
so the few of us that have managed to find great men need to reassure women that they are out there they can be found, you just have to be very very picky.
(and a background check never hurt anyone either! lol)

Answer 3

I don't believe that sometimes the husband will fail...I believe that people will always fail. Not always in the ways you have listed, but failure is part of the human existence. No one wins all the time, its not possible.

I don't care if you are a SAHM or a SAHD, you have to be prepared for the same contingencies. I sincerely hope that your partner (the generic you, not the personalized you) never abuses you or rapes you. It is possible, and while that doesn't mean its probable, it's still possible. Divorce and unemployment are never ideal situations, and are not generally sought out. They are things that just happen. Divorce rates are too high to be ignored. Loosing ones job doesn't always have to be at the fault of the individual...their company can go bankrupt, it can downsize, it can get bought out or merge with another company...none of this is failure on the part of the individual employee but they are just as unemployed. Getting a comparable job after unemployment is difficult to say the least, this is especially true for someone who has worked their way up in a company before getting layed off.

The things that I've mentioned can happen to anyone, male or female. Walking around with blinders on, saying "it won't happen to me" because my partner is a good person, good provider, good _________, doesn't help anyone in the family. Bad things do happen to good people, that's just the way it is. There is no shame or blame in it, but it is dangerous to ignore that fact that it could happen to you. Having a contingency plan in case the worst does happen isn't paramount to saying that it will happen. It is better to plan for the worst and hope it never happens than to be caught up in the middle of a bad situation and have no resources.

Answer 4

I agree although I dont think its just feminist. I think its a society thing. Take T.v shows and commercials involving families. Almost always the mother is portrayed as a super genius that holds the fabric of life together while the husband/father is a bumbling idiot that cant even pour a bowl of cereal or read a bed time story to a sick child.
Its quite sad really,but I want to see what would happen if some one willing to do a show with the mother as the fool.

Answer 5

It's not always BUT living your life with blinders on HURTS. Its not the exception- 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, (that doesn't mean for a time they weren't good marriages). You need to be prepared.

I hope your life is as idyllic as you think it is!!!!!!

Edit: I worked on my marriage for over 25 years so don't tell tell me something I DID caused it too fail. I did not. HOWEVER well you think you know your husband, you don't. He may simply come home and say I don't want to be married anymore. And don't sit smuggly and say you chose well and that won't happen to you. YOU DO NOT KNOW what will happen. And no no-fault divorce would not have saved the marriage- or it might have but lost the people involved.

Edit:
We had a very good marriage, a true partnership--- then he wanted not to have responsibilites. A couple of years after the divorce - he called and said that leaving our marriage was the worst decision he ever made, and that those years were the best of his life, and compared to everyone else he had had it good. He got the no responsibilities but he lost the intimacy and caring that came with........

Answer 6

Salim has some solid solutions. the genuine difficulty is feminism feeds gullible lady emotions. Feminist have been all started via adult males who opt to instruct our society the other way up and enslave us. those adult males do no longer care approximately adult males or women human beings yet becoming a sparkling international slave state. Feminist is popping women human beings into manly wanabees and retaining them from doing what women human beings do suitable, elevating and producing little ones. It has destroyed the nurturing female spirit and adjusted it with an empty shell of narcissistic subjects. VAWA immediately assumes in simple terms adult males are violent. which isn't actual. women human beings could be in simple terms as vicious as a guy while the guy is snoozing or no longer finding. in case you ladies human beings care approximately your Fathers or Brothers you need to stay away from VAWA from going any further. in case you care approximately equality you will end the silly notions approximately feminism and VAWA and help your fellowman shake off the discrimination that's oppressing him. present day feminist or professional-feminist women human beings are no longer our acquaintances. I won't forget those women people who're helping in our destruction.

Answer 7

I see you are trying to debate some people on here but trust me it is not worth it. They will just put words in your mouth and tell you you are a woman hater no matter what you say and not matter how many factual sources you use. to support what you are saying.
To answer your question I would say it is because some only know the identity of victimhood and never do anything to get out of that state of mind.

Answer 8

I think you are entirely misunderstanding the point they are trying to make. They are not saying that all men are dirty scumbags who will do the above list, but they are saying life is not a fairy tale, and unfortunately, life sometimes ends up not exactly how we planned it. Therefore, if you are a SAHM, you need to prepare yourself IN CASE something like your husband decides to divorce you, or even you decide to divorce him, or if he gets laid off, etc...
Thinking you are exempt from adverse circumstances in life, especially when it comes to marriage and finances, is incredibly naive.

Answer 9

Because it happens every day. Because it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Do you wear you seat belt in the car? Do you always look before you cross the street? Do you take any sort of precautions what so ever? Everyday you do things to prevent yourself from getting into some sort of highly possible by highly unlikely dangerous/lethal event.

Feminists just talk about these things because although they be highly unlikely to happen they are still highly probable.

Answer 10

I've never seen a real feminist accuse men of any of those things. Are you perhaps talking about the risks of being a SAHM? If so, then in this society divorce, abuse, unemployment and rape are all far too common. Just because we want those who choose to stay at home to be careful as to who they marry doesn't mean we think the husband will always fail. We care enough to be concerned.

Being unemployed is always a risk. You don't know what will happen, and if the person who is paying for you to live separates from you or causes damage to you.. Or even if they pass on, then it can be a problem. Just because we're looking at all of the possible situations doesn't mean we automatically assume these possibilities will for sure happen.