my one time good friend Chelsey,(not real name) who is my ex wife's best friend and was her paralegal during the divorce isn't dead yet but docs say within 3 months. We were good friends, but had pretty bad falling out during the divorce. When she dies, do i go to the funeral and face all my ex's family? my ex wife and i don't talk. she's bitter, not about the divorce, but how well i bounced back after being dumped. I'm happily married with a child now. Do i bring my wife and the baby? would that seem like i'm rubbing it in?
2007-10-19 02:16:23 · 25 answers · asked by James 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks everyone for your thoughtful answers.
Buckroot: @sshole? i'm an @sshole? i've anonymously donated 3000$ this year for this woman's financial troubles.. and i'm a public high school teacher, you know i don't make much. she needs a liver and now she's having complications and it's likely that she's not gonna make it 30 days. I've forgiven this one time good friend, even tho she sucked every dollar i was entitled to during the divorce. (i walked away with nothing cuz i didn't wanna fight... 50% of assets were going to be about 200k... and i'm not bitter.. just wished i did it sooneer, would have saved 8 months of my life) I'm an asshole? are you related to my ex wife?
2007-10-19 02:44:47 · update #1
oh never mind. i didn't realize you're a 17 year old child.
2007-10-19 02:46:15 · update #2
First of all, so sorry to hear the bad news of your friend. Why not just call your one time good friend and tell her you would like to go and see her, when and if you do leave the troubles regarding your ex wife behind. Talk to your friend and hopefully you both can make amends. Most everyone when going through a divorce is not smooth, emotions are high, and things are said and done, it can get ugly. Leave all of that in the past and just go visit your friend, don't wait until she dies. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-19 03:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were actually friends with her, then yes.. I would say you should absolutely go. However, it sounds more like you were just aquaintances through her friendship with your ex-wife.
Being as how things aren't exactly friendly between you and your ex, and she's obviously going to attend her friends funeral (if, something should happen).. I think it would be best if you didn't go.
Sure, it's a very nice thing to want to show your respects when someone passes away, but I think it would be best for you to just send flowers to the family, rather than actually going.
I just don't think it's worth the possible bad situation it could end up being, with your ex-wife being there and everything.
Have a nice day.
2007-10-19 09:31:44 · answer #2 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your new family is your life. A funeral isn't about you or your ex's family; it's about the person who died.
That's the point of the funeral: everyone comes to pay their last respect.
You and your family must face things together, even unpleasant situations.
That's what a family does, they stick together.
If you go with your family and keep conversation with your ex's family short, I think it's clear that you're not rubbing it in.
If anyone there gets an attitude, tell them them that you're not there to argue, but only to pay respect to the dearly departed.
Then walk away.
You can leave right after the service. You don't have to stay and hang out. Pay your respect then leave.
2007-10-19 09:36:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Remember that funerals are for the FAMILY of the deceased, not the deceased. If you are uncomfortable with attending, or if you think your presence and others' reaction to it might distract from the real purpose of the funeral, you can very legitimately phone or write to your friend's family expressing your sympathy...without offering excuses/explanations about anything else. If you do go, arrive right on time (not early), sit in the back, say something quick to the family afterward, and get out before there is time for any one to misbehave. No one can find fault with good manners.
2007-10-19 10:24:37 · answer #4 · answered by Torrejon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send a card and maybe some flowers but if she's your ex wife's best friend, just leave her alone to grieve. And don't, whatever you do, bring your wife and child. It'll only rub salt in the wound and there's no good reason for either of them to be there.
2007-10-19 12:18:46 · answer #5 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, well congrats first off on the new family =)
Alot of people are saying "don't go" & that seems like the easiest way to avoid everyone, but personally I would go.
The furthest thing on their minds are probably seeing you there.
Show up to show respect && maybe they'll appreciate you for that. Anyways, it's not their funeral. It's your friends funeral.
Does your wife know the person? If she dosen't know him/her I wouldn't take her. But, if she knew them also, then take her.
&& if your wife goes, sure why not, take the baby.
That's YOUR family. Not theirs. Who cares what they say or think?
You don't have ties to those people anymore.
I hope everything works out for you, Sorry to hear about your friend. Good luck.
2007-10-19 09:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I think you should consider going to visit her BEFORE it's too late.
As for the funeral, yes I personally think you should go. She was a good friend to you and despite what's happened you should pay your respects. Your ex wife's feelings are not an issue - it's about the relationship YOU had with "CHELSEY".
2007-10-19 09:45:03 · answer #7 · answered by SuperAlly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it'd be a bad idea to take your family to the funeral.
Your wife and child don't know this person; Besides, if your ex gives you a bad time, since her grief is certainly going to make her more emotional, at least it won't also be directed at your innocent wife and child.
Just go on your own if you must.
Good luck.
2007-10-19 09:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let your ex-wife go and stay home. She was your ex-wife's best friend, and you say you had a falling out with her during the divorce. Let your ex-wife grieve with her family. A funeral is sad enough without people attending having hard feelings.
2007-10-19 09:22:46 · answer #9 · answered by Kate J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be a good idea to go to the funeral to show your respect for those this woman will be leaving behind. You can choose to take your current wife, then do so... but ask her if she'd be comfortable attending first.
you wouldn't be rubbing anything in... you are divorced and have a new life... i suppose your ex wife has one, too.
take care.
2007-10-19 09:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋