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My boyfriend is a older man (he's 39), he's a teacher at a post-secondary school. He gets angry and offended when I disagree with him on issues. I saw a student say to him that he got a fact wrong about something and he got a little offended. I haven't seen him get into disagreements with people older. Does he get upset because I'm a younger person challenging him or because he feels disrespected? I'm a graduate student in philosophy and my professors and the students in my classes get excited to get into debates and arguments (while showing respect for persons of others). Is it rude, disrespectful or socially different when you do this outside of the classroom?

2007-10-18 20:29:07 · 13 answers · asked by greenwich 4 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

13 answers

No it's not rude or direspectful or socially different to challenge or enter into debate outside the classroom.

Some people find it very difficult to have their views or knowledge challenged and perhaps your boyfriend falls into this category.
Perhaps he needs to be reassured about your feelings for him and that could help him understand you can disagree without loosing face or affection.
In secondary schools teachers hold lessons together by respect and by and large they have the knowledge base..yes it can be challenged and that is encouraged but generally it is not the norm.
You, on the hand are still in an establishment that generally promotes thinking and debate.
He is also older and we do get a little tetchie as we age
I'm sure he just needs a little reassurance that he is really important in your life.

2007-10-18 20:46:28 · answer #1 · answered by aaah h 2 · 0 0

In regards to it being rude or disrespectful, I think it is a case by case basis. Certain subjects and thoughts are more sensitive to some people than others, even if the subject matter is generally politically unoffensive if that person is uncomfortable with it they can be easily offended. I don't know you or your boyfriend so I can't say what is the right thing to do. I think you need to find out why your boyfriend becomes so offended when you discuss things with him and the conversation isn't in complete harmony, then go from there.

In regards to what "Dani Bosco" wrote below "sounds like he always wants to be right and he is with you being younger so he thinks he can manipulate you. Get rid of him."

"Dani Bosco", you're damaged goods. Don't make decisions when you're angry, it affects your judgement.

2007-10-19 03:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Teachers are funny creatures. They are in a classroom of young students and he holds the power. You kinda got it right about the age thing. I shouldnt say this, but I havent met a teacher yet who hasnt got a power issue. My sister is a teacher and she is very arrogant. I am her younger sister and know nothing. I know heaps more than her......I have lived life and experienced much more about life than she has. She just feels superior. I dont know if there is anything you can do. Teachers are pretty arrogant people.

2007-10-19 03:35:09 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 1 0

this has nothing to do with his profession but plenty to do with his personality. people who do not brook disagreement are proud, selfish, self centered and intolerant. i would like to ask u to look at other things, such as does he like things perfect and get upset when plans change? does he take charge of everything and u just follow his desires? does he decide what u do on dates or go along with ur suggestions reluctantly? does he disparage people of other cultures, religions, color?

u dont indicate how old u are but perhaps he chose a much younger girl because he can manipulate u more easily. as a grad student u ought to be seeing right thru this man.

2007-10-19 03:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by kiki68 4 · 0 0

it is normal for an older person especially a teacher to possess an ego that feels offended when others disagree. it is a demerit all do not have same knowlege and there is always difference of opinion. if u like him very much, u can adjust by not challenging his views. if u cannot adjust, better discard him. .

2007-10-19 03:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Intelligence,debates are not an issue to have successful relationship.Are you happy with him?When you disagree of something ,it doesn't mean you are making yourself superior than him.If he is getting mad for that matter,your boyfriend is not open to listen to you.He is not open to the opinion of other.How about in an emotional term?You know,when you marry a man who is not listen and understand you,it would not lead in a good relationship.Can you just keep yourself quiet all the time,just to please him?Just imagine he's already 39 and yet unmarried....Don't you think that there's something wrong on his attitude?You better think and study him more just in case.

2007-10-19 04:17:13 · answer #6 · answered by Lucy 2 · 0 0

It is because he was raised in a household where discussions tuned in to arguments which turn in to yelling. Turm to a battle of what or who is right.

Here is an incredable book to use. It saved my life.
"The Dance of Anger"

If you can't resolve it on your own get some counseling.
The two of you need to understand the rules to fair fighting.

The two of you need to learn the rules of fair fightnig or on fair discussing. It also it sounds like he might have some issues from his past that make him so definsive.

2007-10-19 04:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0 0

No it isn't, debates in your relationship keep it interesting and vibrant. Neither I or my partner could cope without it.
It sounds like your boyfriend gets very easily offended, or that he doesn't have much respect for you and your oppinions. Either way, you need to discuss it.

2007-10-19 03:34:12 · answer #8 · answered by Mira 2 · 0 0

he has the Teacher Mentality, we all like to be teachers but are not so we can deal with disagreements and even admit we are wrong.
sounds like he cant accept being wrong or in a disagreement as it goes against his Teacher archetype

2007-10-19 03:53:01 · answer #9 · answered by dot 4 · 0 0

Hes a man they never like to be wrong. And then it might be that your younger, and he feels your not as smart or experienced as he is.

2007-10-19 03:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0 0

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