I am in a lousy marriage?

Question

and i'm thinking it needs to end soon. We fight a lot and never seem to have too much in common anymore. we do not love each other, but stay together for the kids. I met a fellow who I really get along well with and he seems very interested in getting into a relationship with me but he always says that I will "never leave cause of the kids", even tho thats only half the truth. I feel very attracted to him and even tho my husband seems to have his own life these days (going out with buddies, playing the role of being single etc.) I dont want this new guy to disappear. I dont know if i should leave +get into something with this new fellow. Counselling is not an option and my controlling husband seems to like to have his cake and eat it too. I am ready to get into a new relationship with someone but when i' tell my husband to leave, he wont. I really feel like emotionally i am already gone and i am not attracted to him sexually. I dont want to miss this opportunity with this guy.

Answer 1

get a divorce, staying "for the kids" probably isn't the best for the kids. if you are fighting all the time - what kind of environment is that for the kids? pack up your kids and your stuff and go. good luck with your new future.

Answer 2

What brought you and your husband together in first place ? I don't exactly think it is that you two no longer love each other, I think you may just have a lack of communication, perhaps? Why don't you try talking to him, joking, making each other laugh .. go back to the way things used to be .. atleast make an effort before you completely throw the towel in and go off with another guy. Maybe your husband is beginning to feel rejected by you, and notices your feelings aren't as strong. I think you two just need to have a nice long talk, for the sake of your marriage, and your children too. It can be very damaging to a child for their parents to get divorced, even scar them for life with their own future relationships.

However if you feel that your husband is controlling, you do not feel safe, etc. maybe you should think over the option of divorce. Today most marriages fail because the couple basically just forgets why they fell in love, and they do not make any sort of effort to make it work. It's like they just think it's supposed to work out on it's own or something, it really is not that simple.

Answer 3

Don't legitimize yourself into doing the wrong thing because your husband is being a little boy and jerk. If the new guy is supposed to be with you, then he will wait for you to do the right thing and end the marriage with a proper divorce. This should be your LAST option for a number of reasons, but mostly, yes for the EXAMPLE of adults for your CHILDREN.
How is your husband controlling? You said counseling is not an option, but is it for you? You should at least start going for yourself as MAYBE it is not all of your husband's fault. You need someone to give you good advice and show you the bigger picture. If you set this example for your husband, AND YOUR CHILDREN, you will be a much better person for it. Also, your husband may come around and see that you really want to change and make it work for both of you. You have to be willing to meet him half way and vice-versa.

Too many people are saying, "It's not working" refering to marriage.

We have to remember that marriage is like your car. You don't just get into the car and it "works" for you. You put in the key, you give it gas, and you take it to where you want to go.
YOU MAKE IT WORK.

Many Blessings!

Answer 4

Your marriage is obviously over. Staying together "for the kids" is an old idea IMO and it doesn't really work. In some cases, it's better for the children to be in a family where the parents are separated but happy, rather than a family with parents that are unhappy and constantly fighting. Every time you fight in front of your kids, it changes them. Spare them that pain by taking care of yourself and ending the marriage if it is a source of conflict.

I would also not suggest jumping straight from divorce into another relationship with this guy. Given your situation, your attraction to this other guy may be based on the wrong reasons. You're comparing your relationship now to a relationship that you have dreamt up in your head. Be single, take a little time to get to a comfortable place, take care of yourself, and then you'll probably have a more successful and rewarding dating experience.

Answer 5

A controlling man very rarely will do as you want him to do. What I would be doing is looking for a place you and your kids can go and live, then see a lawyer and get the divorce under way.....you will probably get the house anyway, especially if you will be caring for your kids. You need to make a stand. Your husband treats you like part of the furniture....he comes and goes as he pleases. You are not happy, and I doubt whether your kids would be happy either. I would leave first,......but be sure its what you really want first. Only when you decide that your marriage is over will you be free to persue another relationship. Do you really like this guy or are you just lonely because of the lack of love from your husband. Dont make a mistake. Your husband seems very selfish and you need to leave the marriage because its not right for you and the kids. Dont leave for another man. Do it for you.

Answer 6

You are married. If you're so bent on cheating, at least file for divorce, move out, take your kids with you and plan your new life. Then, when this process is well underway, start dating again.
I think marriages are worth working on. Even if your husband is not interested in counseling, you could be going to counseling right now with the aim of finding some meaning within your marriage and learning to love the man you married again. Your children would thank you, YOU would thank you.
Here's the bad part of breaking up a home: you basically tread water as you dog-paddle from one relationship ( your husband) to another (the new guy). You try to keep your head above water and you see your children drowning in sorrow because the home they know has fallen apart and their parents are two strangers to each other. You try to keep your children's heads above water too. You face a future with a guy who's interested but not even guaranteed to be around in the next year or two. He's mainly your 'transition' excuse.
Then you have to start life all over again. I mean, from zero. You want your husband out of the house. Well, it's his home, too. You're basically wanting to dissolve that home but you want the material goods.
There are some fairly dramatic stories that justify a woman leaving her husband. But 'we fight a lot' and 'never seem to have too much in common' is just a description of people who don't bother to communicate well with each other. For that, you will pull the rug out from under your children.
I think if you're not attracted to your husband sexually but this new guy attracts you, you will attempt to build a neat case for destroying your home life for the sake of getting laid. That's blunt but that's it. It has nothing to do with love and it has nothing constructive about it. No wonder children are distraught in these situations.

Answer 7

problems will unravel it slowly over time, but if you want to add more fire to it, it will inevitably hurt you in the long run. I understand that your marriage, as you say, is doom to fail. But if I were you, I would wait on it. I know this new guy can be a GOOD opportunity you don't want to miss, but hey, if it was meant to be, it CAN WAIT a little longer. Things can't happen in a rush and I guess you need to wait until your marriage is OFFICIALLY over to start anew. You don't want to be tangle into a mess and have children involved (even though you're going into the 'sexual' part) well anyways, i hope that helps and good luck

Answer 8

It is your life and it is your decision, but if he won't leave then you leave. Are the kids small or big? This does make a difference. Little ones will mean that you need to get your own place, work custody out with ex, work full time to support yourself and maybe when you have time go out on a date or two. If the kids are older, let them make the decision on who they want to live with full time and who they will stay/visit on the weekends and such. If they are older, be prepared for either outcome, it may not go the way you want but you will have to deal. It is like a band-aid, rip it off and get it over with. It may hurt and be hard at first but, as with everything, time will heal broken hearts. Good Luck girl.

Answer 9

Decision cant be taken more times in Life.
U have already chosen a person who u don't like to stay with.
now U are choosing a new One .
forget about him ,how sure r u about yourself.
tomorrow u may be attracted to a better One too then what about this fellow .
have u thought of ur kids and their future.
marriage is for lifetime, U want to live how many lifes in Ur single life.
Put all the positives and negatives in a Paper.
keeping all the persons related to U in the picture.
The impact after ur decision on them .

Then go for a decision

Answer 10

you need to file for a divorce and ask your attorney about getting the husband out of the house, or leave yourself until the court awards the house to you. It is worse for the kids if you stay together and fight all the time than it is if you just get the divorce. Don't get into this new relationship too fast though because although he may be great, you are comparing him to the husband you have now so he is naturally going to appear to be the better choice. I hope things work out for you!!

Answer 11

You already wrote off your marriage when you met someone else. You aren't taking your vows seriously, and this new guy won't take you seriously. Any man interested in a married woman wants one thing, and it isn't to marry you when you get divorced.

You should go to your husband and ask him to go to counseling and put the effort and time you spend in looking for someone else into your marriage.