Need some advice?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years. During these years he's never held down a job for more than 6 months. I knew he had some charges that he didn't take care of from years ago and at the time was ok with It. Now he's in jail and has been for over a month now. His mom nor his brother has went to visit him only I have. I send him money and clothing also. Today he had a hearing and I was late as hell getting there because the bus driver was driving Miss Daisy and chit. I caught the last part of what the judge was saying and spoke with his lawyer. I just got a job a month ago and am attending school studying medical billing. He wants me to not go to class on the 22 which I have a test and work, which I have to be at 1 pm. I just got the job and am on probationary period. My classes start at 8 am. He wants me to be there but I have work and school. Will he understand If I'm not there? I told him before I couldn't make It, but he was adamant that I be there. What can I do?

Answer 1

Your main responsibility is to your self right now. I applaud that you are trying to make a better life for yourself, please don't screw it up. He is being very, very selfish.

Answer 2

well i can say this if he never held down a job for more then 6 months that can be a problem for a few reasons ether he drinks or does some thin else and most likely he is in jail for one of 2 reasons one got in to a fight or 2 they found some thing on him not to be accusing. and him wanting you to be there well i don't know he may not want you to work but you have to what else r u going to do to pay the bills? i do know this he wont care at all that you had some thing else to do he will be pissed if you don't show up. but i do want to say this sending money um y there is only so much you can buy in jail and that is not much so he could only be spendin it on so many thing you can spend, you know where im goin with this. you come first ok and do what you feel is right you don't have to listen to a word i say but if i was you........i would go take that test and work but that is just me

Answer 3

put your needs first. His family has known him for longer than the 4 years you have and if they have given up on him that is one sign that you should as well. you need to raise your own self esteem if you have allowed him to be with you for the 4 years and he has never held a job for more than 6 months.
you are doing good to be able to work and go to school and unless you get rid of this guy now he will only drag you down with him. You probably think you love him from what you say but I can tell you from many years of experience that is not a love that you should hang on to because there is a greater love you will find when you find the person who will work every day, be there for you when you have a hard day at work, and not ask you to give up your life for something like this.
you can not find the prince charming though if you are still kissing toads.
If you are lucky, this guy will be sent to prison but otherwise dump him and find someone good for you who loves you rather than uses you.

Answer 4

If you don't do something productive with your life who's gonna take care of you? Him, from jail? Hell no... you should do what's right for YOU not what he wants... if you didn't have a life I'd say yes you should be there for support but you seriously need to focus on school and work. I hope you don't take these advices lightly and stick to making your own life better.

Also, I know 4 years is a long time, but you should seriously consider where you are going with this relationship. YOu should move on and find yourself someone with a more positive and productive life style.

Answer 5

You are at the beginning of the rest of your life. He should have thought about this before he committed the crimes. He needs to take responsibility for the wrong he has done. He certainly should not be dictating what you can and cant do. You have goals in your life....you are persuing a carreer and whats he done? It seems to me like you have visions for your future and he doesnt. You need to follow your path in life. You need to do what is right for you. If he doesnt understand, then hes a jerk. You go to your course and you do your exam. Hes not going anywhere.....he can either like it or lump it. Dont feel sorry for him....he put himself where he is, not you You want better for yourself...thats obvious. If you and he were meant to be then it will happen. But if you miss out on doing what you want to do all because of what he expects, then you are a fool. Once you become qualified and get a job your horizons will be broadened immensely. If you continue on this path, then you will probably outgrow him. Don't compromise your dreams for a man who doesnt have goals.

Answer 6

My sincere advise to you is to go for your test. We do not want a situation where you too are jobless. Whether you decide to be finally with this fellow or not is entirely up to you, but it is very obvious that he is trying to control you and this is just the dating period!! I see your boyfriend pulling you down and he is just using you as his emotional support. If he doesn't understand you not being there on 22nd, then it is time to move on. This fellow will never understand you later in life either. And one more important piece of advise - You cannot change people!!

Answer 7

decide what you want your future to be. it looks like you are trying to better yourself and he is being selfish and doesn't care if you fail or if he screws you up. if you do what he says, that is what your future will be. you might as well kiss your dreams goodbye. you should get as far away from him as possible. stop wasting time with a loser and get your own life figured out. look for someone who can hold a job for more than six months and isn't in jail.

Answer 8

You need to honor your obligations, keep your job and continue in school. You didn't make his bad decisions that landed him in jail. Do not let him control you. You are an adult, you have a brain, use it and keep your schedule. He'll say "It's important." Guess what, so are you and your obligations. And, if I was you, I would dump him to his face and get on with my life and career and find someone who holds a job and takes his life seriously and appreciates a hardworking woman.

Answer 9

well the way i see it is you can only better yourself! you are doing everything you can to help yourself out. since you just got a job i would not go to his hearing, unless you ask if you can switch shifts or get the day off, if not then you shouldn't go. its seems that he does not want you to better yourself by having you skip class. you don't want to be with someone that doesn't stand behind you in your endeavors, you send him money and clothes and that is telling him that you condone his behavior. maybe his family has good reason not to go see him. i have been in a relationship for a little over 5 years and i don't know what i would do without him he is there for me through thick and thin and he would never ask me to not better myself just to go to a hearing for some mess that he got himself into. maybe he is not right for you. but i am only saying maybe, i don't know you or him but i would not go to his hearing because my livelihood is important to me and that is how you are gonna make it with or without him. someone told me once no one is gonna look out for you but yourself and you can only depend on yourself.

Answer 10

go to school and work,from what you say he seems irresponsible.he has to realize you have responsibilities somebody has to be the adult.if you want to stay in this stressful situation than it has to be you.don't pick up the bad habits continue improving yourself and if he can't understand than that's selfish of him.if this relationship is bringing you down than benifiting you ,you need to get out!men can have us women brain washed only if we let them.it's ok to want something better I was also in a situation similar to this.I couldn't get out I wasn't sure if I wanted to I knew I was tired after he ended in jail for the 2or 3rd time instead of waiting I enjoyed myself dated others it was so hard cause I was still in love but I knew that relationship was no good for me.I ended up meeting my husband and he treated me like a queen.

Answer 11

You need to ask yourself this question, "Is this the kind of man that I want to marry?"

I think that he is immature and still needs some growing up to do. You need to just move on with your life and stop rescuing him. Let him be accountable for his own actions. You go to your job and don't let him get in the way. There is nothing you can do for him at this time. Plus, I really think you are just wasting your time with him. He is still immature!!