the mentor
used to feel completely useless
like the appendix in your gut
and now I fake my confidence
trying to make my dreams come true
supposing age may do some good
making bad days a tad shorter
friends a bit less interesting
and your memories less fonder.
there was a time when I felt that
I needed to have many friends
now realizing that people are
little more than large distractions
I feel disappointed in them
and I see why you chose just one
that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends!
you can be my humble mentor
teach me how to really appeal
after conquering the aisle
we’ll talk about our marriages
entwined with different people
but devoted to the same thought
and I’ll repay in gratitude
you’re not getting anything more.
2007-10-18 18:45:07 · 12 answers · asked by imperialism 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
You guys are haters ;-) I really enjoyed the poem. The language is clear, the narrative is understandable and impressive. The emotional tone is resounding, believable. It reminds me of what it's like to be a teenager.
I am in no way trying to tell you that this way would be better or worse but what if you took out some of the smaller words so that the powerful images popped a bit more? This is what the 1st stanza could look like. In ways I think this is the meat of your poem (but what do I know)
used to feel useless the
appendix in your gut
now I fake my confidence trying
to make my dreams come true
age may do some good
make bad days shorter
friends less interesting
your memories less fond.
The more I read it the more the poem grows on me. It's interesting that a poem can be uninteresting to some and insightful and exciting to others.
2007-10-18 20:42:01 · answer #1 · answered by Ben Watson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope. I wish it could but it is merely prose masquerading as poetry! 'xcuse me.
2007-10-19 08:51:47 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope...it is more of a prose than poetry...
2007-10-19 01:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by jeremiah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it ok, but if u really wanna know enter the Poetry.com contest ive entered 3 and won every on and im 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-10-19 01:54:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
it dosen't blow my mind but i do like it
2007-10-19 14:07:32 · answer #5 · answered by wordologist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all.
2007-10-19 09:31:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mind: ok
heart: at ease
status: awww......
2007-10-19 09:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by Karnival Kid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry...mind not blown.
2007-10-19 01:52:10 · answer #8 · answered by Grasshopper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't.
2007-10-19 03:59:48 · answer #9 · answered by Santras 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, not really.
2007-10-19 01:50:33 · answer #10 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋