I've known the man 15 years- we've always been close but never done ANYTHING. We know we care about each other & he has stayed for the children, he's not leaving. She's had a boyfriend for 6 months. It's not something she puts in his face- but he knows about it. Several friends do as well. I've cared about him this way for years, he cares about me also- but considering he's not leaving- for the children's sake- they're 6 and 11- is this a good or bad idea? The lines of right and wrong seem very fuzzy to me.
2007-10-18 18:33:17 · 18 answers · asked by k girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you really want to get hurt? Find someone that can devote himself to you. If he isn't leaving then your looking at 12 years until the youngest is 18. Why is he ok with her having a boyfriend? No matter how you try to hide this, the children will still recognize that something is off with their parents. He really should confront this and try to work it out with his wife if he wants to stay. If not, get in a functional relationship.
Even though she may be cheating, if he cheats, you may be called the cause of their problems.
There are plenty of available men out there. Put yourself in situations to find someone else that you can bond with.
Good luck.
2007-10-18 19:05:24 · answer #1 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is he is staying for more than the kids, that is just an excuse. It's not a good Idea to get involved with him because you will never really have him. People will think of you as a home wrecker also. You will have to sneak around and if his wife finds out she may try and hurt you even though she has someone else. She may want her cake and eat it too. Her husband is legally hers so let it go. Suppose she gets tired of her fling and decides she wants her husband and he still wants her and you got your heart all tied up in him. What a mess. It's not worth it.
2007-10-18 19:07:34 · answer #2 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay together for the kids? They are both selfish and destroying any chance that their children will lead normal lives, with an open marriage.
Is he open game? Why the hell would you want to be part of something as messed up as this? Do them both a favour and find a reason to call Child Services . It`s the kids that matter, not if he is open game!!
2007-10-18 18:45:53 · answer #3 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if shes got a boyfriend, then it seems she is just as unhappy as he is. Hes stupid if he is staying for the childrens' sakes. It serves no purpose. She is unhappy, he is unhappy, she has a boyfriend, but both of them seem to be staying for the kids. Don't you think the kids would pick up on both their unhappiness? He's got blinders on. I wouldnt be so sure that he is as unhappy as he is making out. Maybe he is genuinely in love with his wife but she is obviously not in love with him. Firstly, it would have to be degrading for him to know she is having an affair with someone else. I would stay right away from this situation. If he will put up with anything for the sake of the kids then he is not thinking straight. If he is prepared to stay in a loveless marriage with his wife so blatently cheating on him, he seems to lack backbone in my opinion. Do you really want to involve yourself with such a spinless man?
2007-10-18 19:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow me to sharpen your vision: BAD IDEA! You're wasting your time, he will never leave her, and you will bring yourself a lot of very bad Karma. Whatever is wrong with their marriage is their business and they have worked out a relationship that while not a good one, they are committed to keeping it together for the children. if you continue to lust after this man and you do go further, he will hate you for it down the road and so will she and so will the kids when they find out. The kids ALWAYS find out, so join a singles club or whatever you have to to, but keep your hot little mitts off this man, he has enough on his hands for the rest of his life.
2007-10-18 19:01:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what the wife is doing, he is still off limits. Just because she's commiting adultery doesn't make it right for him to do the same. Leave him alone. The lines are not fuzzy at all.
2007-10-18 18:47:58 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't want this chaos and heartache in my life. He has made his choice. You want to put your life on hold for his kids to grow up and then what? You are looking at least 10 years waiting for him and in that time he and his wife could reconcile and where would that leave you? This is not a good idea for your self-esteem or your future. Don't you want someone to share your life with who doesn't already have a wife?
2007-10-18 19:35:09 · answer #7 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always a bad idea to get into the middle of a relationship or marriage. If he's not leaving, you really shouldn't put yourself through that. Even if they have problems, and even if you care about him, it's not your place to get into it. It's definitely not healthy for anyone. You deserve to start a relationship with someone who is totally available, and doesn't have so much drama.
2007-10-18 18:43:36 · answer #8 · answered by Bunny 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if the wife has a boyfriend on the side then it should be fair for the husband to have a gf on the side.
2007-10-18 18:50:48 · answer #9 · answered by Adrianne R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not ask the wife? If everyone seems to know about her boyfriend, she should be okay with you dating him. They really do need to quit using the kids as an excuse and just get divorced. They could do this quietly. BUT he is fair game in my book. Just don't throw it up in her face because women can get very hormonal.
2007-10-18 18:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋