Do older people worry as much about how other people see them?

Question

Does everyone feel self-concious or worry about how others' see them?
I was looking back at pictures of my grandfather who passed away 4 years ago. He was such a brilliant, fearless man. I was comparing myself to him and wondering if he felt any concerns about the way others' viewed him as I do about myself. I tend to compare myself to others and judge myself. I worry about what other people think of me and at times feel like I don't measure up. Then I look at my grandfather and I could never imagine him having self doubt. Did he worry about how others' saw him? He wore what was comfortable, ate what he wanted, did what he wanted- I never once saw or heard him not do something because he worried what other people would think about him. Are all older people this way or just my grandpa? Did he have really high self esteem or did I just see no flaws in him? I really think he couldn't care less about what other people thought of him.

Thank you all for your answers- they are great!. I do want to add, however, that I don't just mean physical appearance. I sometimes feel like I don't measure up in other areas of my life as well (not outgoing enough, not assertive enough, etc)...I don't remember my grandpa having these concerns---do they change as one gets older?

Answer 1

I can't speak for your grandfather (obviously!) but I've noticed that the older I get, the less I care about what other people think about me. I have become more confident with the passing of time, and even when I make mistakes or get things wrong, I don't mind owning up and apologising.

It wasn't always like this, though. As a child and a teenager, I was very self-conscious and spent my life trying to please other people. It wasn't till I hit my mid 30's that I realised what a waste of time that was. Life's experiences had taught me (the hard way) that contentment comes with doing what you know to be right, and standing up for yourself when necessary. You can never please all of the people all of the time, so don't try!

Here's a useful tip I learned: Why worry? If you can do something about it, then don't worry and get on with it. If you can't do anything about it, why worry! Worrying is a negative and time-wasting exercise. Be true to your principles, be honest and remember that no-one respects a door-mat. From what you've already told us, I reckon you are caring and sensitive. Don't change that! You will get there, in time.

Since I became a Christian I realised that the only important thing is to please God. If I can live my life according to what God says in the Bible, I really need not concern myself about what other people think of me. It's very liberating!

P.S. I've just realised that, by answering this question, I've put myself into the 'Seniors' category. Oh, no! Whatever will people think? LOL!

Answer 2

Most of us have had times that we are self-conscious, I certainly have. Back in your grandfather's day they didn't always see so much of all the things others had, like we do now. I remember my grandma wore house dresses all the time, no make-up, grey hair and yet I thought she was the most wonderful grandma in the world. Kind of like you feel about your grandpa. We see ads everywhere that we need to look younger, better, have more, etc. It does make a person wonder how others see them. I've always been my own worse critic, but as I've gotten older I'm realizing it doesn't matter so much. I have my faults, but I also have some very good qualities. I am who I am and that's not likely to change much at this point in my life. If others can't accept the person I've become, I realize it's their problem, not mine.

You seem like a wonderful, caring young lady. Be yourself and know that that a good heart is more beautiful than anything one might see on the outside. Best wishes.

Answer 3

He probably thought and felt all the same things that you do, only a long time ago. Somewhere along the line we stop worrying about certain things and are able to kick-back and give it a rest. Our priorities change and we realize that it's not how we look that's important, but that how we feel about life and how we participate in it is. I can tell you to stop judging yourself, but I did it too ~for far too long~ even when there was no need to. From your letter, you sound like a very special girl who loved her grandfather very much. You have a lot of insight and he would be proud and tickled by your thoughts and observations.Take good care and come back and visit Seniors anytime.

Blessings. Gracie

Answer 4

I never judge myself against others. I learned a very long time ago that this attitude is very self-defeating. No one can ever be compared successfully with anyone else, because we are all different, with different mixes of traits than the next person.

Instead...a very long time ago....I took a good look at my own personality traits and decided which ones I liked and which ones I disliked. Then I decided on exactly what person I wanted to be, and set about molding myself into that person that I could admire. I think I did a pretty darn good job of it, but it took years to accomplish the change.

When all is said and done, if WE can't like the person we are, how do we expect others to?

Answer 5

Don't mean to sound repeative here, but low self esteem can
be felf at any age. Some times turns us into people pleasers
and yes people, some times puts us in danger in being true to our selves, and making wrong choices, through out llife, But
there is hope, to make a change, and find what you think and feel is right for you, as long it is with good motive to you and others.

To quote Doris Lessing "1919!" "And then , not expecting it
you become middle aged and anonymous. no one notices you, you achieve a wonderful freedom. It is a postitive thing
you can move about unnoticed and invisible."

What ever it is that is depressing you, people, places, things,
break free of it and know you are just as precious as anyone
else on this earth. Blessings

Answer 6

None of us have to wait until we are 70 or 80 years old to be self confident. I'm 32 and with age and experience, you feel more comfortable in your own skin. You learn to not give a crap about what other people think about you. Everything you described about your grandfather (RIP), I do now:)

Life your life to the fullest. Life is too short to get caught up in other people's limitations, insecurities, envy, ignorance and the list goes on and on. Be a good person. Life the best life you can live. Give back. Always give thanks for your blessings. Love. Live. Be free:)

That's my philosophy anyway and I've never been happier and more at peace than I am when I reached my 30s.

Answer 7

I think as you get older, you are more confident in who you are as a human being and it allows your inner self to shine through. It is a right of passage in a way.
When we are young, we are always questioning ourselves or others motives . I have always tried to live an honest ,moral life and treated others the way I like to be treated. I'm 64 and a grandmother and I try to laugh everyday and not worry about what could, should or might happen tomorrow.

Answer 8

I spent a great many years with security issues and image worries, until a little neighbor girl taught me that it really doesn't matter.

She brought her friend to my house while I was doing housework. When I stopped for a minute, she came up to me and put her arm around my waist and her head against my breast. Her friend did the same on the other side.

The neighbor turned to her friend and said, "See? Didn't I tell you she's soft?

Who cares if you have a few additional pounds? Does it matter what your makeup is like if the best makeup in the world shows when you flash a genuine smile?

No, I don't care what others think anymore. I try to be ladylike (except when I call other drivers vile names), I try not to fart or burp in public and I try always to be helpful.

Answer 9

i detect this very difficult to have faith. 3 years previous's not often comprehend whilst they desire their face washing by no skill techniques how skinny, fat, small, tall or the rest that they are. EDIT. I also have a grand daughter who's 7 yo. she has purely those days started out to comb her own hair!!! LOL i think of many human beings at the instant look at young ones so difficult that they finally detect a difficulty. perchance young ones with older brothers and sisters could try this, yet no longer whilst they are 3 years previous..

Answer 10

I feel like I set myself free by moving to a place in my life where as long as I am considerate of others feelings I am okay. I appreciate everyone looking different. No longer see ugly unless it is in someone's behavior. I have lived long enough to know what behaviors and attitudes constitue ugly and try to stay away from people that act that way and try even harder not to behave that way myself.