Before your married he would do anything for you, clean the house, eat you out all the time, dance whenever you asked, french kissed you a thousand times, flirted, went out on dates, etc. if you know what I mean. Am I doing something wrong? Why go through so much and then not much after? Do any of you understand what I mean? Have I lost my touch in being a beautiful woman? Or do I need another friend/lover to make up for the difference? I know marriage isn't always all fun and games and I do what is required of me as a wife, but is there something more that I'm lacking? Please write back.
2007-10-18 16:13:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What happened here is, that he did everything to get you and now that he has you, he feels the work is done...Your not the only person in this situation, it happens to many.
2007-10-18 16:22:33 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No. cheating is not the answer. That could just blow up in ur face. U don't want that. Have u tried talking to him about it? Communication is key in marriage. Yes, of course dating is fun. He doesn't have u yet. There's a security in marriage that both love. It tells them they can take a break...and u'll still be there. But u guys need to talk. U need to set some time a part every day and just talk about ur day, and also about problems the marriage may face.
Maybe he doesn't know u have these issues inside u. I'm sure he certainly doesn't think u want to cheat just to get his attention. Please don't tell him that...it'll put him off. U've gotta try to re-ignite the spark before u give up creating the fire. Tell him ur needs, he's supposed to be there for u... and then he might give u ideas on spicing things up. But don't expect as u did when u guys were dating though. it's not that the conquest was made...it's that life happened.
He's got more responsibilities now, and another person to worry about, so that's added pressure...and then there's his alone time to chill...and then there's ur needs. Unless he's whole and fulfilled, he can't satisfy u...u wouldn't want it that way. And with all this in mind(I"m assuming kids aren't in the pic yet?), there are only 24 hours in a day...and well...sleep becomes a commodity; especially after marriage and family. This is y sex often takes a backseat after marriage, but when u get it, it makes it that much sweeter since u earned it, or squeezed it in.
Good luck on u guys solving this problem together.
2007-10-18 16:38:58 · answer #2 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh goodness this is a familiar one !!!!!
You are all ready thinking that it is your fault and that you are doing something wrong, oh yes! I do understand what you mean and a lot of other ladies will understand as well.It is really very simple, you married a man who does not have a romantic bone in his body, he did all the right staff before because he had to or you would not have even looked at him.
I suppose you have told him how you feel, you miss the romance, the courtship, that special feeling.
If not take him out to dinner and and lavish your beautiful body at him flirt ,tease, abuse him a bit under the table, (make sure no one in looking) you know what I mean when I use the word abuse, another word do to him what you would like him do to you, he is most probably thinking the same thing you are, so give it a try and get that spark back, good luck
2007-10-18 16:38:49 · answer #3 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First I want to say that taking a lover is never the answer. If you are at that stage of the game then you need to end the first relationship before moving to the next.
As for your initial question, I can't really say without knowing you better but I can tell you that my husband is more in love with me now than before we got married.
He also cooks, cleans and takes out the trash.
Equal opportunity house work here.
I never scrub the toilet because he doesn't think a womans hands should be in that particular cesspool.
Maybe I found the cream of the crop or maybe its something I do...I don't know.
I do know that he is my best friend, I love him with all my heart and I trust him, completely.
I think the later is the most important. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.
I don't do, say and dream anything that does not involve him and I can't imagine my life without him.
2007-10-18 16:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
He feels he has caught you, landed you, got you, insert whatever silly phrase you wish.... and he's done. He's done making the effort. You are his Lock, Stock, and Barrel.
Happens alot sadly. We get one treatment before the vows... and another stark contrast after.
I would tell him how important those things are for you. Tell him how you miss the romance and wish it would come back. It works sometimes.
If that doesn't work... well then I'm afraid your pry out of luck. Don't think a lover is the solution to your problem either though. I mean what did you fall in love with The person (your husband), or the romance??? I mean can a dozen roses really cuddle you at night? Can a bottle of wine really kiss you? Doubtful...
2007-10-18 16:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by MelancHolly 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
let me clear,Before your married he would do anything for you, he still have the same mind , but here is the problam comes becouse of added responsibility,thats meens now he is not alone.so he is in a run to give you maximum safty+security in all way's.you are not wrong.you should understand the present situation ,and never compare with older one.you are beautiful woman,that why he married you,you dont need another friend/lover to make up for the difference?,you should suport him,give him love and care.all problam will be solved,
happy married life
2007-10-18 16:37:54 · answer #6 · answered by jppottamal 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course not..after men and women get married they figure they dont need to do all that special stuff because they already got u...they forget that that is what keeps the marriage happy and keeps the other one feeling like u describe or feeling like they are being taken for granted. let your spouse know how u r feeling let them know u like to feel special sometimes even if its a little letter under the pillow or a red rose waiting for u or even breakfast in bed..its the little things that mean so much in a relationship
2007-10-18 16:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by wildspirit1313 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do women care more about their appearance before they get married and after they let themselves go??? See it works both ways lady.... don't put all men in the same boat.... I am just as attentive now as I was before I married my wife and resent the implication that I fit in the same mold with all men.... don't blame all men because you may have picked a guy that is that way.... that doesn't mean all men are like that.... I know that all women don't let themselve go... i said that to prove my point. I'm sure women didn't like my remark anymore than I liked yours. By the way it is unrealistic to think that the Honeymoon Phase will last forever....it doesn't happen but that doesn't mean you can't maintain a high level of affection and appreciation.
2007-10-18 16:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by DavidV 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Not all men are like that, but my first husband was. He used to be alot of fun and when we married, he turned into this dud that didn't like to go anywhere or do anything.
Having an affair won't solve your problem and any temporary fix you find with another man is really only TEMPORARY. It will most likely create more problems than you could ever imagine.
Maybe the guys that are like that think the "hunt" is over and they don't have to try anymore.
2007-10-18 16:30:08 · answer #9 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Complacency has its downside. Marriage unfortunately is the end-all-be-all institution that society has crowned above all others. As I am not married, nor engaged, nor involved in any capacity with a woman whatsoever (its been that way for 8 years), I cannot tell you how to work on your marriage. From my own observations, too many women feel they are not getting enough from their marriage, so they immediately blame their husbands for all the problems. Many women never want to admit to themselves (so they do not) that their marriage problems can be as much their own faults as it is their husbands. Its a two-way street.
As to our lonely wife: If you think your husband isn't romantic enough towards you, then perhaps you should ask him why that is.
It could be because he is lazy.
It could be because he has other things on his mind that get in the way...finances (that mortage is a big deal), children (sports, school, diapers, and music lessons) can really take alot of time, work (that overbearing boss gives him alot of flack)
It could be because he feels resentment towards him from you. Most likely its some combination of all the above.
What ever you do, do not go after another man for any reason. Focus on your husband no matter how much work it takes.
2007-10-18 16:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by John L 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
One you get married there is a lot more responsibility and stress ( esp if you have kids) and people sometimes loose touch with romance side of life. What you both have to do is find some time away from your day-day routine and add more romance.
2007-10-18 16:32:00 · answer #11 · answered by ensoman 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋