Does it really bug feminists that some of us women do not feel oppressed?

Question

I would have been happy had I been born at least 50 years ago. Women had opportunities back then--it's just that decades ago, a woman wasn't belittled for being a housewife.

Why do feminists have such a problem with putting their husbands and families first?

Nice try, The Ms.

Answer 1

Some sure seems to. Some see the choice to be a homemaker as a repudiation of everything they've worked for.

Answer 2

No, it should not because that means feminisms has done its work.
However I think it is interesting you bring up that you would be fine and dandy living decades ago. I don't understand why people romanticize those days. Alexandra, do you have a bank account in your name? When my grandmother was my age she would not have been able to hold a bank account in her name.
I also find it interesting how you think women are belittled for being housewives. Aside from a few radicals like Linda Hershman, most women who consider themselves feminists seem to support a womans' right to choose her destiny, even if that includes being a housewife. Also, I live in an upper middle class suburb of a medium sized US city. Most of the women with young children around here stay at home full time. It seems that is the desirable thing for many women. I don't understand why you feel so persecuted.

Also, just a tip, I would avoid using false alternative rhetorical statements like "why do feminists have such a problem with putting their husband and children first."

Answer 3

I don't have a problem putting others first I do it all the time. I think that I am a feminist because my dad and my ex-husband we such controlling @$$#%&$. I was not allowed to do anything before my dad became serously injured and my mom took over and when I got married I was controlled by my husband who even made it so that I had no car or phone. From those experiences I learned that I cannot trust anyone except myself and that I am the type of person that needs to be out there changing the world. I am in a relationship with a man who is a great stepfather to my children and still goes around saying one of his dad's favorite sayings, that "the world went to hell with women's sufferage." I think my fiance says it mostly to make me mad when he knows I'm right and he doesn't want to admit he's wrong. At home we share household chores, we take turns cutting the lawn, he cooks dinners (I hate cooking) and we work on our cars together. The kids love him and we both encourage the kids to be strong and independent. I don't think having a career is for everyone, I just cannot stand staying home, even when my kids were babies I was resentful that I was not allowed to leave. Now that I'm unemployed I'm stir crazy and broke! I'm really disapointed to not be out there in my chosen profession as a teacher. Also, a little side note about the 50's: many women were taking prescriptions or were drinking alcohol to get through the day. Look it up, its true.

You know, come to think of it maybe I could be a housewife, but only if I could be one of those "ladies who lunch" and have lots of money to occupy my time spending at the mall with my other wealthy housewive friends and we could have botox parties and get liposuction and personal trainers. But unfortunately the man I fell in love with isn't loaded and it really does suck just sitting here not even having the gas money to go for a job interview.

Answer 4

i have no problem putting my family first, i am all for family. I am very close to my extended family. I can't wait to be a mother and start a family of my own. But I also want to be able to support that family and I want to be able to make decisions that I feel are right and not defer all my FREE WILL to one person, who may or may not always be making decisions that benefit the entire family. Having an equal voice and equal standing in the family is my main goal. That why I want a career that will allow me to support a family. Not only for my independence purposes, but for a rainy day, in which the other earner has become unable to work or has been fired.

I grew up in an equal household my mom works and so does my dad. There was no "head" of the household my mom and dad were equally the pants wearers, and this situation works quite well. They still have respect for each other and have been desperately in love with each other for 40 years. My dad still shows his sexual attraction to my mom daily.

I'm glad you don't feel oppressed, obviusly it is in your nature to live the "traditional" way. And if I had a time machine I would gladly let you use it. Women had very little opportunities in the 50's do you realize that a girl could be suspended from school for wearing pants, they could wear the shortest dresses ever but if it had a crotch, it wasn't acceptable. I could give you a litany of things, but you've probably stopped reading by now, and my hands hurt from typing.


I ALWAYS put my family first.

Answer 5

No, they didn't have opportunities unless they wanted to be a teacher, secretary, or nurse. A lot of other jobs available for women had age limits or the women had to quit once they got married. Many companies wouldn't hire women, especially if they were married. How exactly do those constitute opportunities for women? If they went to college and graduated at the top of their classes, chances were the only job offers they would get were for secretarial or teaching jobs, like what happened with the now-retired Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Conner. She graduated at the top of her class in law school, only to find the job offers she got were for legal secretary. She was more qualified than that.

Answer 6

There are a few feminists with their heads screwed on straight and I quite like them and their views, but today looking at some of the questions here, that really took the cake.
I must be all oppressed and not realise it, a parasite, jealous of feminists and their freedom, have a worse relationship compared to feminists, ahh the list goes on.
But while I don't mind if the feminists fight for better rights(not at the expense of men though, that I don't agree with) I do not appreciate being seen as an inferior woman because I'm not up there fighting with them and I'm busy enough looking after my own family. I'd rather concentrate on issues that concern both genders, especially the next coming generation. I'm not going to choose a side.

Answer 7

Alexandra....i am feminist...and even though i am not married i do put the family that i have first. I have no problem with it at all. I try not to be selfish..i do love my family very much.
But putting my family before myself was something I learned as i have gotten older.
When those that love you keep helping you out as i have been helped you learn where your true priorities lie....


and the thing is...very few of my family is related to me. me and my siblings were taken in my my step fathers cousin ( who later become mom to us I mean...we were kids and needed a mom and she was there...so basically we are all adopted. :)
So I have no problem putting my family first....

as for being married...it took me a while to realize that this is something that will never happen...so i dont bother trying to find someone anymore....its less painful...to not try.
I dont beleive in the whole thing there is someone for everyone....its a myth.

besides...my mother was a housewife...and i loved her dearly.

Answer 8

50 years ago-um.
Women had opportunities back then-um.
I know that to be totally untrue as I was living back then, albeit I was only 6 years of age but you are talking about my time.
So you think women had opportunities back then.
They did not.
They had no choices.
Most women, unless you were very wealthy, had to be housewives.
Women who had careers were an anathema to society.
Women who through no fault of their own who were divorced were shunned by society and considered a disgrace.
Girls rarely were ALLOWED to go to university even if they were very bright, it was not the done thing.
If you feel like you do about the women who post on this forum then why bother coming here.
You have a totally misguided opinion of the role of women 50 years ago.
I am speaking from having lived during this time.
Not one woman on here has decried you for wanting to be an at home mother, but I read your comments about assertive women on here and I find it insulting.
I suggest you move to another forum or if you wish to remain on here, at least have some respect for the other point of view and do not view the lives of women 50 years ago as being perfect.
It was totally hard.

Ronnie- you are bright.
Why acknowledge what you know in your heart to be wrong.
People listen to you on here.
Please do not support this question.
It belittles not only what I know to be true, but belittles you for supporting it.
It matters.

Answer 9

Who says your oppressed? Who belittles you? Judging from the above posts from feminists, none of us are belittling you.

Give feminists a break, will ya?

Answer 10

I'm more of a humanist than a feminist. I put my family first, but due to unforseen circumstances I'm the sole provider in my family. I wonder if your question, however, is more of a statement??? It seems to me that you've already made up your mind that feminists don't put their families first. Tis a shame. Some of us do not have a choice, which means we work for our families. I am, however, again a humanist.

Answer 11

I have no problem with you living your life however you want. I'm just grateful that some of my feminist fore mothers fought so that I could have the opportunity to be something other than a housewife. Because to me, that would suck. I do not want children. I do not want to get married. I do not want to spend my days cleaning house. I want to travel around the world, run my own business, and have lots of fantastic love affairs.

You don't need to take that as a judgment on your lifestyle. It's just that some of us don't care for it, and it's great to have more options.