Why Was This Mom Rude To Me?

Question

So I met a mom who joined my playgroup website. We met at a local bookstore for storytime, with our kids. We had a little bit of language barrier problems but I was patient and tried to be all ears and supportive during our conversations, even though I sometimes didn't understand when she spoke and vice versa. English is her 2nd language and I think Russian and German is her first. She was also blunt and showed no expression and very rarely smiled. I tried to be friendly and smiled often so her first impression of me is positive. But my first impression of hers was not so good but I smiled anyway and tried to be positive.
When I emailed her when I got home, I included in the email "Sorry, we had a little bit of language barriers. Hopefully, this will improve in the future. :-) " I also confirmed the date of our next meeting.
Well she emails back and says "I didn't have any language barriers. I understood you perfectly. Maybe it was you who didn't understand me."
This is offensive.

I think she got defensive with me when I apologized for the language barriers comment. I wasn't attacking her, I was directing the comment to the both of us.
I feel like I have to try so hard to impress this woman, it is so frustrating.
Why was she rude when I didn't do anything?

I forgot to add that I'm also intuitive so I can feel her personal energy and it feels negative.

Answer 1

Well, she obviously took your comment as being directed only at her since she said she understood you. Just explain to her that you didn't mean it that way. Sometimes people who don't speak English as there first language are blunt because they don't want to be misunderstood. I wouldn't let this worry you, in time she will feel more comforatable.

Answer 2

Where to start on this one.... hmmmmm....? First off, tell her you had a great time. I would pretend I understood every word before saying crap like that. Language barriers, lol. Im not sure how Russian and German can be her first language... I am counting two there. So I guess English would be her third, not second. Either way... I think you were in the wrong. If she is willing to give you another chance take it and be nice. Compliment her and say nothing negative. You might even want to make yourself look like an a55. Not enough to kill the date, but enough to make her feel comfortable around you. What I mean by that is... she probably feels like crap around you now due to her "language barrier" issues. Make yourself appear to have faults as well... Dont take this the wrong way, but this is suppose to help... Good luck, bro....

Answer 3

she, unlike yourself, doesn't seem to look at all sides of the spectrum. She sees things through her eyes only and thought you were talking down to her. I've had this problem before too. I've appologized for not understanding a person due to our language barriers and sometimes they do become defensive.

What i try to do is appologize like so, "im sorry about yesterday (whenever it happened), didn't mean it to be offensive. I was just pointing out the fact that we speak different languages."

If they still think i was being a jerk, then the hell with them. But usually people realize that im not a bad guy, and that i was just trying to point out our differences which we can learn from. If you know you're not in the wrong and they still feel that you're in the wrong, that person is not worth it.

Answer 4

Sometimes no matter how you try to make new friends, things dont really get on track right away. There are bumps and thorns along the way.

If I will put myself in her shoes, and got your email, I would also wonder what you meant with the "language barrier" remark, but I can either:

1. Choose to not interpret it as a critique on my linguistic ability and just attribute it to your English writing skills as you are composing your email to me.
2. Choose to interpret it as criticism and get pissed off, and ignore your email completely.

So- since she took the first route, She really did not take the language barrier remark badly and really wants to connect with you again.

Cheer up, you seem to be 2 nice ladies.

Answer 5

If she doesn't understand English very well, as you say she doesn't, then you have to view her comment back to you in such a way. Other languages are very different from English and such a comment isn't necessarily considered rude. She is telling you that she understood you and that maybe you didn't understand her. It wasn't meant in a rude way. She was simply stating what she believed was true by the comment you made.

Answer 6

I think when you said, "Hopefully, this will improve in the future", she took it as though she was supposed to work on her language ability to improve for the next time. She just took it as an attack when it wasn't meant to be one.

Sometimes when there are cultural differences in interaction, you can't help not understand certain social cues or different reactions people give. Try not to be so hard on yourself... Maybe if you give her a little space and still be polite to her, she'll warm up. I'm sure if she sees you to continue interacting nicely and warmly to other moms in the group, she'll understand that you were being nice to her too.

Hope things clear up! Good luck...

Answer 7

Certainly, if one of you doesn't understand the other, you both have a language barrier. I think you're both being a little overly sensitive about the whole thing. Let it go, and enjoy your next outing.

Answer 8

Hard to say. She could have had a much different mental picture of you. That can turn people off. Perhaps your body language was telling her something that your words weren't agreeing with.

Answer 9

If her language isn't that good perhaps she wasn't being offensive, she simply doesn't know a better way of expressing herself in English.

Answer 10

She may have taken it wrong when you said "Hopefully this will improve in the future." She may have thought you're saying that you hope her English improves in the future... ???