Should i follow my parents or Heart?

Question

I've got a boyfriend, who has no job and most of the time, nowhere to stay. I didn't mind, even when my mum told him he could no longer come over because he didnt have a job. But he didn't want to look for one till he got a place to stay at permanently, which i thought was reasonable. Now i've failed year 12, and she completely blames him for it, when he had nothing to do with it. I failed yr 10 and 11 too, and that was before i even met him. It's my fault, not his, but my mum doesnt understand. Now she won't let me see him or speak to him at all, and he thinks that's not right since i'm 18 and i should be allowed to do what i want. But my mum thinks i should forget him and get a job myself. We've been together for 7 (almost 8) months n when i told him we had to break up, he immediately began searching for a job all over the state. But not even a job will make my mum let me be with him. Should i listen to my mum? Or just leave with him? Because he wants me to leave the city i live in..

See, the reason i'm even considering it, is because i don't feel 18, but i want to. I feel trapped inside a childs body, and when i'm home, my mum refuses to let me do anything because she thinks i'm gonna screw up anything i try. I'm not a confident person, but she hasn't helped that. Now that i'm 18, she doesnt wanna do anything for me, since i should have a job. But i say no one is gonna wanna hire me till i look presentable. I go around everyday in the only outfit i have, because she refuses to buy me anything till i have a job. But i can't get a job till she buys me things like makeup, you know? My boyfriend thinks if me and him find work together and live together, then i can grow up a lot more and feel like im 18. I told my mum the reason i keep failing school is because i dont like going to skool in the same outfit everyday. Its embaressing. But she doesnt care and expects me to do so much before i can have anything. If she feels that i shud do it alone, then mayb i shud leave

Answer 1

Wisdom is in knowing the right thing and doing it. i believe you know the right thing to do now is to accept your mum's advice and keep away. if he will eventually be yours then, nothing will change that. life has never been, and will never be, by force. most times we end up regretting rash decisions we took at youth. your asking this question shows that your conscience is alive. So, i suggest that u follow it cos it's telling you the right thing. thanks.

Answer 2

Don't do it! Your mom is only concerned for your welfare, and she doesn't want you being with someone who has no ambition. She wants better for you than that.

I find it interesting that he didn't want to look for a job until he found someplace permanent to stay. How is he going to pay rent, if he doesn't have a job? It's also interesting that when you told him you had to break up, he started looking for a job all over the state. Why the change?

Do you think he can make enough income to support both of you? Can YOU get a decent job in a new city, that will support you if you break up with him?

It might sound romantic to run off with your guy, but think about it logically. How would you live for more than the first month? You have to have money for rent, food, transportation, phone, medical bills, prescriptions if you get sick. You can't sleep on someone's couch forever, and you'll wear out your welcome fast if you stay with friends for more than a month or so.

If your relationship goes bad, who do you think is going to be there for you? Where would you go if you moved out of your town, and then you broke up with your boyfriend? Back to moms house I'll bet!!

Your mom understands a lot more than you give her credit for. She's been through all the same things as you have. We've all had out first love. I know, when you're 18 everything is so ......... intense........ and I'm sure it feels like this guy is the love of your life right now, but you are so young. You still have your whole life ahead of you.

Please don't just leave with him. Your mom will be devastated, and she probably doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

Answer 3

A boyfriend who has no job and most of the time, nowhere to stay would worry any mum. Does he have any plans for the future at all? You haven't mentioned them, except to say he immediately began searching for a job all over the state when you told him you had to break up. Why not before? Did he hope to drift along indefinitely?

Many of us mums have been at a loss when our daughters (and sons) fall in love with an aimless individual. Nagging doesn't help, nor does forbidding our child to associate with what seems to be a loser. Eventually it becomes our job to try to fix thing when the relationship goes sour.

Give you mother a chance. Listen to her reasons. Think, really think, "Is this what I want out of life?" If it is, be prepared for unhappiness, for it will surely come. You deserve better.

Answer 4

No don't follow your heart...that can be treacherous...your Mom is being reasonable...get an education and/or get a job..your 18 you said right? you have been failing school, don't have a job, boyfriend has no job...think about it..should your Mom be impressed? You said now he is looking for a job...if he is only going to scramble to do what he's supposed to be doing anyway at the 11th hour then you can count on this type of reaction with future things with him as well..trust me on this one been there done that..your Mom wants to help you not hurt you don't let this guy tell you otherwise..let him find a job and work you do the same..stay in school and if he can prove to be consistent and honorable then maybe you can re-introduce the idea about dating to your Mom if he really cares about you he will do what it takes if not look at it as a blessing in disguise..but never run off with him that would be dishonarable to you Mom/family do the right thing it will benefit you in the long-run

Answer 5

First and foremost, never let another guy force you into a life you don't want for yourself. Never let someone keep you from making something of yourself. It's a mistake I made,and i've paid dearly for it. If you don't see yourself with him and your heart tells you the same, then Mom is right, and you should stay. Mom is only giving her advice, but it's all up to what you believe and what you want. You need to make the decision that will give you the best chance to turn your life around. Be careful, though. The wrong decision could come back to haunt you. Just follow the heart, because it knows best. Be careful. I hope you'll find your way, and all for the best. Good luck 2 U.

Answer 6

This is a easy one. I'm sorry to tell you but your boyfriend is a loser. I'm in my mid-twenties I remember girls like you in high school. They are now poor with a bunch kids or they work for minimum wage. I'm sorry to sound harsh but Im giving you reality. Life is a tough world and you need to get your stuff together. At the end of the day you can only worry about yourself and your future.

Your Mom is right. You might be 18 but you live in her house and until you are able to survive on your own your still considered a child. Your chronological age has nothing to do with your mental age. Right now you are making poor decisions. What you need to do is get your GED or finish up high school. Go to Community College. Once you get your Associates go to a local University and get your BS. There is still hope for you. This is the time of your life where you need to make good decisions. You don't want to be thirty say I wish I could of done this or that. With a degree you have all the choices in the world and the sky's the limit. No GED and no high school diploma means your limited and have no options. Love is great when everything else in your life is somewhat easy. Love sucks when you have the pressures of life against you. Make the right choices now while they are easier to obtain. You need to prove to yourself first then your Mom that you are responsible. My opinion is your not responsible if your letting some boy dicate your future. I know you said your not blaming your "boyfrend" for screwing up 12th grade but people suceed when they are around like minded people that are sucessful. Right now your with the opposite and that's why the both of you are both failing.Your Mom is kind women for even letting you screw up like this and still live in her house. You need some tough love right now. Babying you isn't working obviously.

PLEASE don't ruin your life based of 8 months with some guy. Ten years from now you won't even remember his name.

-Experience

Answer 7

Mothers, somehow, have a "sixth" sense. They KNOW just by listening, observing... most of the time in complete silence.

You have been together for 7 - 8 months?
It is better to end it now. If you stay in the relationship, you will get much more involved emotionally and will distance yourself from your Mom. Not a good thing, trust me!

Boyfriends come and go, but your family will always be there for you.

Leave your home and go live with him? Where? He doesn't have a job?

My advise is:
Break it up. Study, learn, prepare for your future. Make your family (Mom) ~and most importantly, yourself~ proud!

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 8

Listen to your parents. They have been through these things before, and they have more wisdom than you, or any other teenager. Don't feel pressured into leaving because your boyfriend has asked you to. If you go with it and stop seeing him and still keep failing that year, they will then find out that you aren't failing because of your boyfriend, and let you keep dating him. If you pass, that's a great thing too. If you truly, truly love him, go with your heart. Either way, it's your decision. My advice is try not to get stressed out from all of this because it can only lead to worse things. I think we are too young to even know true love, but your heart is your heart. Just do what you feel is right for you, but seriously, don't do this with this guy if it's something that you will later regret. I hope i helped, bye.

Answer 9

Your mom is being protective which is not wrong from her perspective......i think you should give yourself, your boyfriend and your mum some time which could be some years......things would definitely change by then...
1. You will be able to analyze your boyfriend's capabilities by then to earn a living for ownself
2. Your boyfriend's seriousness towards the relationship and you
3. You will be self dependant as hopefully you too would have a job in hand by then
4. You and your boyfriend would be more matured and hence the relationship too would become a strong bonding

Dont rush into anything............ask your boyfriend to have patience and let the time act as the best healer.........all the best.........

Answer 10

What's wrong with you? How can your boyfriend find a place to stay permanently if he has no job? Does he expect someone to pay for this place for him? How can that be reasonable. If he has no job and doesn't want to look for one how can he ask you to leave with him? What are you going to live on????? His stupidity????

You may be 18 but you sound very immature for your age.

If you want your mothers blessing, I suggest you get your education taken care of, whether you go back to school or get your GED. Your boyfriend needs to understand that no body gets a free ride. The only way to pay for a place to stay is to work and pay the rent!!!

If you leave with him, you will be slumming and sleeping in whatever hole you can find to crawl into. Love is great, but it doesn't buy food or pay for a place to sleep at night.

Jesus, grow up!

Answer 11

Honey It's her house and you do live there. One day you'll understand this.
Your mother only wants whats best for you.
He doesn't sound like he's a guy I would allow my daughter to date/marry.
If he's this way now how much worse will he be If you marry him or have a baby ?
Your mother Is right to say this.
Don't depend on a man. Get a job and learn to take care of yourself first.
Then let God bring you that person He has designed just for you.
It will be when you're really ready and It will be someone that will be your complete soul mate.
Don't be hard on your mother,she loves you.