My husband is an alcoholic and i can't stand it when he drinks, because everytime we end up in an argument. What can I do I don't want to leave him, he is my heart and soul. I Love him so much just want him to stop drinking and he say's he will never quit. Is there any hope or am i just holding on a pipe dream.
2007-10-18 15:39:20 · 19 answers · asked by dcdaniel1968 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is not physically abusive, he has already been told by my dad if he ever hits me he will either go to jail or my dad would kill him. So i am not worried there he knows better to even think about that. He likes to do the mental crap you know make me feel worthless and stuff.
2007-10-18 16:07:52 · update #1
You are in love with who he is when he is not drinking but he doesn't love you or he would try instead of just saying he will never quit drinking, and the person you love is as dead as if he were to kill himself, which he probably is little by little.
The only way you have a chance of saving this marriage is to move out and hope that perhaps he will stop in order to get you back but if not, I promise you that you will get past this and find someone to love again who will love you more than he does the alcohol
2007-10-18 15:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pipe dream; if you can't live with the drinking go now.
There is no reason to wait. And I know 2 marriages where that was the problem, and the wife leaving caused the husband to cleanup his act. They later remarried. Not saying that's what will happen for you, but it's not impossible. In another marriage, the husband just drank on Friday night, and the wife went to bed early, and he slept in the guest room when he finally came rolling home.
2007-10-18 15:46:56 · answer #2 · answered by M S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work on you. You can't control your husband...only your decisions and reactions. When a woman has healthy self worth, she doesn't put up with this crap. Then the man either shapes up or he ships out. Al Anon is a great place to start...go online and look for meeting places/times. Then just show up!
2007-10-18 15:49:01 · answer #3 · answered by schmoo105 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He says he will never quit. An alcoholic will not quit until he wants to quit drinking. Right now he doesn't want to quit drinking. Go to Al-anon. You can't change him but you can learn what to do in a relationship with an alcoholic and whether or not you want to stay there.
2007-10-18 15:46:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is something bigger than all of us. I know you don't want to leave him and I know the drinking is driving you crazy. But listen very closely if you want this to work:
1. Go to the next AlAnon meeting in your area. Save yourself first!
2. Detach from the alcohol - you can not control this. You also didn't cause it and sure can't cure it.
3. Educate yourself on alcoholism. You will understand soooo much.
I live with the same situation: if you want to talk more e-mail me at mrhinehart77@yahoo.com
2007-10-18 15:46:38 · answer #5 · answered by beenthinkin' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father will kill him? Understood as far as the sentiment and yes sometmes that needs to be implied.
But you have to ponder the other side. By saying that he has had his manhood taken away so there is no hope for him. It is pointless to continue a marriage. It is supposed to be you and him.
So decide. You sit down and say he quits this, you love him and if he does not quit you are leaving by whatever day. Or you pack up and go..... then he will realize. If dad is involved he has lost his dignity. Again.... you just leave if nothing works.
2007-10-18 18:10:28 · answer #6 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he sees that he has a problem, there isn't anything you can do to get him to quit. You can try the shock option.........threaten to leave if he doesn't go to A.A. or ask him if he would be willing to get marital counseling. Another option you have is to attend Ala non meetings. It is a support group for the family of alcoholics...they would be better equiped to help you dealing with his drinking. Best of luck to you.
2007-10-18 15:51:27 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't quit until he wants to quit. It's up to you to decide how long you can stay. Start going to Alanon meetings so you can get the support you need and the information you need to make the best decision for you.
2007-10-18 15:44:02 · answer #8 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My ex was that way... I try to think I did everything but no matter how hard I wanted to help, I had to realize that she had to make the tough choice to quit. Unfortunately she did, but too late... bout 2 years too late.. I just couldn't take it anymore.
I am sorry for what you have to go through, cause I really understand it well. If you can deal with it and you love him that much that you can hang in there, go for it. But if he physically abuses you at all, get away as fast as you can... Nothing good will come from it... No matter how hard you try..
2007-10-18 15:51:44 · answer #9 · answered by rukidden99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he;s not willing to help himself then there's not much you can do. Don't stay with him things will just get worse.
2007-10-18 15:47:20 · answer #10 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋