I can never seem to get "in the mood". It's strange, sometimes it seems like I feel timid about having sex with my husband, but I don't know why because I don't feel timid about anything else when I'm around him. Sometimes I feel like wanting to be more "agressive" and take the lead, but I think the way he responds to me turns me off. I feel like he makes sex a chore. Like it's just something I'm obligated to do, not something we do because we're just in the mood for it. Every time we get ready to have sex he feels the need to remind me of how many days it's been. If I just got off my period he exaggerates and tells me I haven't had sex with him for 2 weeks. Or he'll say things like, "are we going to have sex or what, because I can do something else if not?" Then I end up not wanting to do it at all and we get in fights about it. I don't know if I'm turned off by the way he approaches me about sex or if there's just something wrong with me sexually.
2007-10-18 14:48:47 · 11 answers · asked by Babycakes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I don't know what is wrong with you, but you sound an awful lot like my wife. So, I'm going to tell you the flip side - how the man sees it. NOTE: perception is reality, you see it how you believe it is (based on your experiences, morals, and perspectives; same for him.)
The stress of daily life seems to destroy my wife's sex drive. We can't have romantic moments b/c of kids, work, etc and when the quite alone time comes, we're both pretty tired. But, I see it as an opportunity to spend time together and FEEL linked and know that she and I are totally committed to each other no matter what. Now, when she falls asleep I just think: guess she's not as committed to me as I am to her. Or, when its been "a long time (in my book)" and she's acting all tired and I try to turn her on, and fail, I feel like a failure - despite what she says to me. So the next time I try a little less, until eventually its just so one-sided that it seems like work! So, yeah, sometimes there are better things to do than to get all your hopes up only to have them crushed. To save ourselves the feelings of failure and rejection, we just ask point blank "is it gonna happen?" The emotional investment is so high at that point that cost almost outweighs the benefit. Anyway...
Unlike my wife, you need to start a conversation about it. You both need to be open and honest about your feelings, expectations regarding sex and romance. I recommend that the next time you are feeling "aggressive" just go for it. All out, 110% all over him - and don't take any excuses or listen to anything he says. Just ignore his comments and act as passionate as possible. Then, once you are both fully satisfied, open your heart to him and tell him how you feel those times. After sharing that closeness, he will be feeling that his goal to fulfill your desires is satisfied and he will be totally willing to fulfill your other wishes too.
I soooo wish my wife would do that to me - and not just the aggressiveness. She doesn't like to talk about her emotions, feelings and least of all her desires. But I sure wish she would - maybe your husband wishes the same thing.
Good luck.
~Z~
p.s. let me know if it works!
2007-10-18 15:13:25 · answer #1 · answered by Z-Force920 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think this is common when you've been married awhile. You have to make a strong effort and try new things. There is a book called "The Great American Sex Diet". That might be a start, sex will become more fun when you get new ideas. Take hubby out and have sex with him in new places or try some toys. Another fun idea is a game called "A Hot Affair" it's a board game and you can buy it at Spencer's or an adult store. That should help ignite the spark for the two of you. You should also talk to him about being a little more sensitive and romantic. :) good luck.
2007-10-18 22:08:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothin is wrong with you. you like the sex to be MAKING LOVE im sure right? you dont want it to just be clockwork. he needs to be trained. maybe candles or music or a hot bath or a bed of rose petals would get you in the mood. suggest your ideas to him without letting him know that youre telling him to do these things. like a dog, sooner than later he will start doing these things more often and maybe he'll start coming up with his own ideas so nothing gets old. just remember that most of us guys dont like to be told what to do or that were doing something the wrong way so try to take a subtle approach to getting him to do these mood setters. hope this helps
2007-10-18 23:09:57 · answer #3 · answered by adam m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men don't realize that the words they say, even when kidding, effects us long after they have been said. It is hard to forget someone being mean or sarcastic about your sexuality. He is c*ck blocking himself! Tell him you can get insulted by strangers on Answers if you feel the need, but you need him to be kind. The kindness will spill over into every aspect of your life, including the bedroom.
2007-10-19 09:12:12 · answer #4 · answered by Really now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he turns you off with the crap he says. I would be turned off if I was you. I would be hurt and offended not to mention I would feel undervalued. Talk to him about his words and behavior. Tell him how it makes you feel. If he isn't responsive I would say go to a councilor together to get a nice environment to talk in. Sounds like both of you have animosity towards this issue anymore.... and are just hurting each other back and forth.
2007-10-18 21:58:41 · answer #5 · answered by MelancHolly 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Does he ever turn you on at all? You should consider that.
Anyway, the most powerful sexual organ is the brain. Take some time before he comes home. Lay down in bed and imagine the two of you during foreplay, play around with your imagination, liberate your inner sexual beast, wear something that makes you feel sexy, emphasise your assets. Then, when he comes home, ask him to come lay down with you, to take time and play around, discover what arouses you.
Let him discover you as well, relax and enjoy!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-10-18 22:02:07 · answer #6 · answered by Cece 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your just having a reaction to his approach. I think there is nothing wrong with you. Tell him what you have told us. Tell him if he is going to get you in a bad mood. You will not have sex with him. Tell him he better start being nicer about it. And things might improve.
2007-10-18 22:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by Red Rose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like to me that your lines of communication have become severed. Go to Victorias or somewhere else, and buy something to surprise him! But,let him know (NOT WHILE HAVING SEX) that your feelings get hurt when he makes his hurtful remarks. He may think that he is teasing,but make it clear that it HURTS! Good Luck!!!!!!!!
2007-10-18 21:57:12 · answer #8 · answered by areawiderem 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
try to have sex sometimes even when you think you're not in the mood... theres nothing wrong with you, with todays pressures its hard to be in the mood all the time
2007-10-18 21:55:03 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop poking smot.
2007-10-18 21:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋