Major Life Changing Question! Please Advise!?

Question

Ok here we go.
I am married with 3 kids. We moved to Mobile Alabama about 1 1/2 years ago.
We left our home and family back in Memphis.
Well , in the past year, I have really changed. Emotionally and physically.
The past 3 months I have had several bad moments. I am having alot of panic attacks and My Dr. Thinks it is due to severe depression.
Well, My husband refuses to move back home.
Our house back home is hopefully going to be vacant soon(if we can evict these renters for not paying)
And I think it is my chance to move home.
I want to move home and he doesnt..
I am thinking of moving back with or without him.
I know this will upset me, him and the kids.. But, I think this is the only way that I can be me again.

What would you do?

Stacie

Just wanted to add(since alot of you mentioned it ) I am on antideressents have been for a couple of years for anxiety. But, I have never felt like this.
I physically feel bad all the time.
They tried upping my dose. The side effects made it immpossible to keep the dose up that high. So we went back to the same.
Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

Answer 1

you cannot go back home and have your prior life, it doesnt work that way. panic attacks are very scary but its probably best to get the help you need in order for you to have true peace and happiness. moving to another state is very difficult but i do believe (having lived in many different places) that everything is about perspective.

just remember, you said it best yourself, you have changed...its not likely that you will pack up your kids and move back and that your life will be good again. geography has nothing to do with whats inside. breaking up your family is a big decision and i wouldnt make that decision based on where you live.

i know first hand its easy to think that going "back home" will make all of your unhappiness go away, but trust me, it wont. you may feel happy for a short time but that will be followed by probably more depression.

the grass is always greener...i do wish you the very best and i hope you get the answer you are looking for so you can start healing. good luck!

Answer 2

People like to believe that changing the scenery does something to eliminate problems. The truth is that the problem remains, it's just your focus has shifted. Sooner or later, you'll have to confront whatever issue you're running from. The best advice is to work through your problem. You have an opportunity to grow. As much as we like to believe we stay the same year after year, it's our response to adversity that defines our character. Our fear of change can bring on a variety of reactions, including panic attacks. Take your doctor's advice and treatment for your condition, and realize that the "Stacie" you seek is right there with you. Do the things that you enjoyed in Memphis, the things that made you feel good. The stuff that made you...you. Talk to your husband. Enlist his help. He probably already knows that you're scared, but doesn't know how to help.

Think of how you'll feel going back to Memphis without your family only to realize that the old adage about not being able to go home again (because experiences change us and our perceptions) is very true.

Answer 3

I would suggest going back to the doctor and getting treatment for the depression. I don't understand why the doc didn't give you something for it in the first place. Moving while depressed won't fix anything, especially if it's without his involvement, because you will feel guilty about it and just feel worse. It doesn't always take 3-6 months for anti-depressants to work, as someone said, mine worked the first day, though that is unusual. The package information says usually 2-4 weeks. Get on the internet, research what meds are recommended for panic attacks and depression, then take the info to the doc and ask for help. I didn't have panic attacks, just depression, and I took Paxil CR. It was very effective, had no unpleasant side effects, and when the time came to quit, I just gradually weaned myself off of them. Get some help, running from your problems won't help.

Answer 4

Please don't make ANY major decisions at this time. I've been depressed too, and being that way can color your thinking to the extent that you aren't thinking straight at all. Your head is in such a wrong place, you can't trust your "feelings" to be the best thing for you. If the problem is severe depression it will follow you where-ever you go.
If you want to make this life change at a later date then do it, but only once the doctor and you are sure that you have this depression under control. Get the treatment first, and give it the time to work properly (3 - 6 months minimum, sometimes longer).
After that, with a clear and calm state of mind, you can talk things through with your husband, the pros and cons, and make a decision as to what is best for yourself, your children, and your relationship.

Answer 5

Work through it and stay where you are. It will make you feel strong and more independant in the long run. You should never abandon your family because you are afraid of not being around your family. You have your own family now. Get a job to keep yourself busy while you work through your fear.

Also, like someone else said, perception is everything. Look at it like a great adventure and see all there is to see there, explore your new world. I was born in TX, moved to Louisiana at 20, stayed there 13 years and now live in FL for the past 2 1/2 years. I even lived in NC and NE for a month each. I love exploring new places. It is awesome. You only live once, why limit yourself to 1 place when there is a whole world out there to explore and learn about?

Answer 6

I would recommend trying to stay with your family. I think you'd regret leaving him. Can you get on anti-depressants, that should help you relax and get you through the depression. I know it's hard being in a new place but it's not the end of the world. Losing your husband will feel worse. You just moved so moving back right now probably isn't an easy task to your hubby. Just give it a chance and it will get better.

Answer 7

Is your position in the country the reason for your depression? Somehow I doubt it. Moving back (with or without him) is very selfish. Selfish acts never cure depression.

My sister got married and moved 3 states away from her whole family and all her friends. She wasn't doing too well for a while. But- she put her time into her kids and her husband instead of missing everything back at home. She is doing ok now, it took time but- she is the best wife and mother I know.

Separation or divorce is really hard, not only on both husband and wife- it is even harder on children. You have three children, think of them and how important it is to have both their mother and father in the picture for stable upbringing.

My advice- devote your time to your kids, to making them and your husband happier. Somehow, doing nice things for others (without the expectation getting something back) improves the mood of the "doer" if you know what I mean.

My advice to your husband- take you on a long romantic weekend getaway. Even if it only helps you collect your thoughts.

Don't move back. Communicate and find a solution for everyone's benefit.

Answer 8

Stacie
I have learned from painful experience that geographical changes do not fix a problem because they follow you wherever you go I can believe that depression is causing panic attacks but before I break up the family I would try to get to the roots of the problem,marriage counsel would be my first step,if your husband is willing, I know men sometimes are not open to this in witch case I would go by myself and try to work out if it is the marriage you want to get away from rather than going back to your old home
hope this helps I know it is tough

Answer 9

I would talk with my husband again and tell him how I felt. Then I would ask what he would suggest. Perhaps a vacation to the old home would help. Maybe there are some other issues that you aren't coming to terms with. Maybe counseling for yourself. I would not advise moving back without your husband. I think it will cause a rift in your marriage that cannot be repaired.

Good luck and I hope you feel better.

Answer 10

Stacie,

What is the most important thing in your life? Your health, Your kids, Your relationship with your husband. It seems that this is a question of priorities. We all make sacrifices.

The psychology behind this deals with suffering... Depression comes from issues that relate to our choice to suffer.

We have the opportunity to decide not to suffer by embracing the things that are celebrational around us... Our kids... Our relationships.. Our health... etc..

Of course being from Memphis We'd love to have you back...but if you feel your kids or your relationship is a higher priority, then find the things there that can get you through and rely on them more heavily..

Best of Luck!