been married for 30 years and have just found out my husband has been having an affair for 6 years and has another family
2007-10-18 13:46:53 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leading a double life, 2 families... OMG! I'd put his behind out on the lawn along with his clothes then i'd hire me a good divorce lawyer and get him for all he's got and then some. Leave him little to nothing to enjoy with his other "family".
2007-10-18 13:56:57 · answer #1 · answered by AlS 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he won't allow you to ask questions and gets mad acting like it's your problem THAT's A HUGE RED FLAG. That's typical behavior when someone is guilty. I'm assuming from what I read that he has had an affair. I'm so sorry for you that you are pregnant and having to deal with this. An affair is an affair whether it's emotional or and physical. It is devastating and you have every right to be upset. My recommendation would be to leave or kick him out. Is there somewhere with family that you could go? Definitely go talk to a counselor about this. Especially being that you've lost 4 lbs. You don't want this to have an effect on your baby. You did nothing wrong. He did! I wish you and your baby luck.
2016-05-23 12:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very, very sorry to hear of your situation. There are no words that can alleviate the hurt and anger you must have.
My first advice is to contact someone you can really trust and confide in - a family member, clergy or physician. You might even talk with a therapist so that you can deal with all the emotions and try to be as rational as possible.
Next, contact a divorce lawyer. Discreetly ask close friends for a recommendation. Most lawyers will provide a free 30 minute consultation to answer your questions and explain the process and your options, and allow you to see if they are compatible with your own values.
Then, make copies of every single financial paper you have in the house - if your "husband" has been hiding another family, I'm sure he has hidden a lot of assets and income from you to pay for his "other life." Everything that you both acquired during your marriage - one-half is yours (except for inheritances), so you need to get those copies ASAP.
Your lawyer may advise you to also hire an accountant who can reconstruct your "husband's" financial double-life for as far back as possible. If you were legally married, then his other "wife" has no claim to your assets or income.
Your lawyer will probably advise you to open a separate checking account so you have access to your own funds. Keep track of all transactions in case your "husband's" lawyer decides to challenge your bookkeeping. It could get ugly.
And take care of your health - eat well, try to sleep and get plenty of exercise so your body and mind can deal with all the emotions, and difficult decisions ahead.
My heart goes out to you. I wish you the very best as you work through this problem. And remember, you *will* work this out. It won't be easy, but you will survive this.
2007-10-18 14:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by Tom-SJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has another family?
My heart goes out to you right now. What a hard thing to go through. At this point if I were you I would leave. Trust me, I don't say that easily because I don't believe in divorce. But this isn't some fling or short term affair. He has been hiding another family. Are there children involved?
I hope that you can find some peace with this and do whatever is best for you!!!
2007-10-18 13:52:04 · answer #4 · answered by mlbbell 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well as a saint, I would divorce him. That's cheating. You dont need to be with a man that's not satisfied with the 30 years that you two have been together. If I was you I wouldnt let that go on no longer. as long as you sit there knowing that's he's having an affair and doing anything nothings going to chnage you need to let him go. People always say "you need marraige counseling" honey you need a divorce.
2007-10-18 13:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Dedrah B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa!
Are you okay? That is quite a blow, even for a reader, but to actually experience it, it must have been ... I am speechless! I cannot imagine how that must feel. And really, Are you okay? Oh my goodness, that is awful.
I guess after the shock wore off, maybe I would throw every bit of his belongings into the trash, or better yet, in the back yard, then set them all on fire. I suppose I would then rip up the bed we used to sleep in together, toss that into the yard and burn it, too.
I just don't know how to answer. You must be devastated.
2007-10-18 14:08:18 · answer #6 · answered by tracy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be so devastated and heart broken i would feel lost and alone. You poor thing i am so sorry your husband did that to you. How can some men live with themselves with the horrible things they do in order to be with another woman. Try to get yourself together so you can go to a lawyer and get everything he has so he has nothing left to give to that b i t c h he has been with. Go for his balls.
What ever you do don't be so hard on yourself,we wives don't want to think ours husbands are capable of hurting us like that. When something he has done doesn't feel right we over look it and say to ourselves no it can't be, my husband loves me and i know he wouldn't do anything to jeopardizes our marriage or hurt me or his kids in anyway. Unfortunately how many of us find out the hard way we do have a husband that would hurt us like that and the worse part is he acts like he doesn't care what he has done. Hang in there and try to be strong. Remember none of this is your felt.
2007-10-18 14:02:48 · answer #7 · answered by Teenie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been thru the affair part---not the other family part. That would be so hard, I don't know what I would do to be honest, but I don't think that I could handle it. I would probably leave the relationship, get some counseling and move on.
2007-10-18 14:00:08 · answer #8 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would kick his - - -, pack his stuff and out the door he would go. Somewhere you fell asleep to have not noticed a 6 year affair, that is a long time. You are clear for divorce. May God bless you and your kids.
2007-10-18 14:09:34 · answer #9 · answered by Titus12 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce
2007-10-18 14:01:47 · answer #10 · answered by ecwh070 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋