my husband and i been together for 10 years and married for 5 yrs we have a 12 yr old daughter from my first marriage and a 2 yr old from our marriage and he acts so different now then he did 5 yrs ago.
he works two jobs and doesn't want me to work because f the cost of daycare and he was brought up with his parents were raised like that the mother stays home. so he works two jobs afull time job and a a part time in the evening. when he is home my daughter and him doesn't get along the fight all the time. we have sex once every other month because he is to tired or he is afraid the kids will hear us. when he is home he always goes around trying o fix stuff or do stuff.we do spend some time to gether. when we are together we have not much to say to each other. we hardly talk in the car. he doesn't do nothing romantic at all no flowers,cards or nothing. it drives me crazy. sometimes i think there is better out there. but,my parents like him and i don't have any where to go if ileave.
2007-10-18 12:14:50 · 18 answers · asked by melissa p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
they dont know what they have until its gone .....know how you feel
2007-10-18 12:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by Annouyed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to every questions and problem is honesty. TELL him how you feel. If you don't comunicate how can you expect him to know there is a problem. Buy talking to him it puts the ball in his court to help make this marriage work or else it will not last! There are several post telling you to not be selfish and be thankful for what yopu have. Lets all be honest here if marriages survived on just being thankful we would not have divorce. It takes more than a man willing to work 2 jobs to make a marriage work. research shows in your situation one of the two will end being unfaithful. It just take a few years of this and someone else to come along and show you a little attention and guess what.......... the problem has now grown into something else. We as humans are not programed to like life without out romance and to just be ok with it.
2007-10-20 16:22:38 · answer #2 · answered by america 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is a fine man. two jobs and !!!! he fixes things around the house. i am in tears.
you are bored because you are home with the kids. these years are like that. a 12 year old and a 2 year old are both demanding in their own ways.
tomorrow when he gets home, be all dressed up like you were on a date. have a gorgeous meal all made and set the table in your best things. put flowers you have picked on the table. have each girl write a small note 'thank you for all you do, daddy' and you serve him a yummy meal. he is the guest of honor.
tell him, each thursday, or whatever day, we are going to have a special dinner together. and do it. i guarantee by the third dinner things wont be different from 5 years ago, they will be better. and, i am a big believer in checkers or yahtzee with the 3 or 2 of you playing, it makes everyone laugh. soon there is lots to talk about. also, men looooove picnics with their wives, plan and take him !! on a picnic. even in your car, it is romantic. stoke those fires, dear, flame on!!!!
2007-10-18 19:24:54 · answer #3 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first, what your parents like or dislike should not really worry you. You need to talk to him or get counseling to see what is going on. it sounds like the marriage is dead unless he cuts back on the work and spends more quality time with you. Your daughter and him may fight because she sees that he is not treating you as a husband should. You need to talk and if the marriage is over, he has to be the one to leave since you have the two year old. There is much better out there for you but you have to get past this first, either a better marriage or a divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy so you need to change your life to allow room for happiness.
2007-10-18 19:23:59 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys are in a bit of a rut, which is fairly standard when you have been in a relationship for a long time. Both of you need to make an effort to make things better. Try and spend more quality time together. And also, count your blessings too, you haven't mentioned anything about domestic violence, infidelity or him spending all the money. Don't sound like an evil ogre of a partner to me. Cut the guy some slack, he works two jobs to support you guys.
It seems to me that you still love your husband, so fight for your marriage.
2007-10-18 19:20:58 · answer #5 · answered by Barkditch 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the others. He sounds like an awesome man.
I do understand where you are coming from too. My husband is alot like yours, but we always manage to spend one night a week out.
WITHOUT KIDS.
So, girl..take the bull by the horns and plan a wonderful night out with just the two of you! A comedy club is a wonderful idea because it gets the night off to a good note and gets his mind off of "man" stuff. Your 12 yr old is probably old enough to babysit for a few hours. Or better yet arrange for the kids to stay overnight somewhere and have mindblowing sex when you get home.
2007-10-18 19:32:34 · answer #6 · answered by Theresa D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is normal ! Yeah as bad as that sounds....ok make some changes see if he notices...
1 wear perfume
2 kiss him in front of the kids ( just a peck)
3 ask about his day and act like you are interested in what he says ( no matter how boring )
4 take a shower with him ( when he gets in you get in too )
What it comes down to is this, growing apart........it happens . He could still really love you but is tired and just seems to him he has no time for anything but work.......think about him more instead of yourself and you can determine what he needs then focus on your needs......
2007-10-18 19:26:14 · answer #7 · answered by rosa_giffin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is just working really really hard to provide for his family. Many men define themselves and give their life worth in this manner.
Unfortunately, he has forgotten that his wife has needs and requires pampering every once in a while.
Although it drives you crazy, maybe you should try to share his burdens instead of adding to it. If you nag him and push him, he will just feel more stress, and make the whole situation worse. Think about how you could plan a day, evening, or weekend for just the two of you....YOU do the planning and initiate the romance...hopefully this will reignite some of your fire and love as a couple.
2007-10-18 19:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the 2 jobs are wearing on him and causing stress. which would explain the lack of sex drive. he might also blame you for this, subconciously of course. you could possibly try getting a job that would allow you to work from home or work at night when your kids are asleep. but if you think that your marriage isnt repairable then dont drag it on. it doesnt matter if your parents love him. really your happiness is all thats important and life is too short to spend unhappy.
2007-10-18 19:27:46 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's time to sit down and talk about how you both feel and see if there's a way to get the romance and husband/wife feelings back, as it seems like the two of you have become just parents with work to do, like two roommates with two kids who just happen to be married to each other....talk about getting the romance back and spice things up around the house - but remember - it has to be BOTH of you who put the effort in!
2007-10-18 19:26:28 · answer #10 · answered by amyhwoods 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya! He is probably overly stressed. Let him know you appreciate how hard he works. Providing for a family is a huge weight on your shoulders. Give him validation and let him know he's doing a great job being a father and husband and providing for you.
Whatever you do, Don't give up on your husband! When you got married you vowed to stick together and help eachother in EVERY condition. He would probably do it for you. I know your at your ropes end too, but he's probably too stressed to realize. MAKE time to talk to him, tell him your concerns, and ask him how you can help him relax more when he's at home.
2007-10-18 19:32:41 · answer #11 · answered by nic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋