why wont my wife have sex with me?

Question

My wife is 27, I am 28. we have been with each other for 10 years, She dosn't work. I do my fair share when I come home from work, I cook, take care of the kids. I give back rubs, I do candlelight dinners, I do romantic evenings. Still no sex. She says that she isn't in her prime yet. I always thought that your prime was when your young. She also says it hurts her, or she says she dosn't feel good, or she's too tired. I'm tired also I work 12 hour days, but I still want her. I don't know what to do. I love her so much, but I feel that sex is an important part of a marriage. What should I do? Is she getting it somewhere else, or am I not good enough for her? Has her prime yet to come, or did it already pass? I think I've tried everyhing is there anything left to try?

Answer 1

She needs to see a gynecologist.

Answer 2

Kids…how many?

You’re saying she does not work…so…who’s taking care of the kids and the house and doing the laundry and the grocery shopping and the cleaning and whatever? Because that is more than work…minus the friendly coworkers and the monetary rewards.

Your wife could be in the “mother/cook/maid” mode and is having a hard time switching to the “lover” mode (the old “girlfriend” mode).

If she’s smart, she sees you coming a mile away with your cooking and your candlelight dinners and you back rubs…just wanting sex….just wanting sex.

If she’s saying that having sex is hurting her, it’s because it does. If you don’t want it and you do it, then it hurts (so she did it when she did not want it…was it good for you, at least?).

Stop doubting yourself and thinking you’re not good enough for her. She’s not getting it from anywhere else and forget about her past or future prime.

Concentrate on the present. Stop thinking that she does not work and acknowledge that she’s doing more than that, being a mother and a wife. There is no prime to come or to pass…just the present is what matters.

Stop expecting sex just because you cook and do this or that after a hard day work.

Listen to her, be her friend, make her laugh, show her you can touch her without her thinking you want sex.

Just let her know that when she feels horny (quality over quantity), you’ll be there for her.

Answer 3

Don't believe the junk about being romantic in order to get the sex your already deserve. That is only good for women who view sex as a commodity. She should be wanting sex for her own satisfaction, but it appears as though this is no longer a priority for her. Some people may say she has become bored with sex and you need to try something new. I'm sorry but that's a load of crap. Does she ever get tired of backrubs? If it feels good, you want more of it. It's part of human nature.

Perhaps she has made a mental attachment between sex and emotions. She may feel like if she is not emotionally into it, she will not be able to enjoy sex. If that is the case, she will need to see a doctor, you BOTH will need to see a doctor (therapist) to work out some issues.

Perhaps she has a physical reason for not wanting sex. Could be hormonal imbalance. Could be side effect of medication. Could be reoccuring infections and/or vaginal dryness. She should see a doctor to make sure she's ok in that aspect. If she checks out fine, perhaps she just needs a little booster. Here's a couple that I know have worked for some women: 1) Dietary supliments. There are herbal pills she can take daily that will help increase blood circulation to her sexual organs and will increase wetness. She just has to remember to take them daily. Okay to skip a day or so, but stay in the habit. Buy a new bottle before the first one runs out. 2) Toxin removal. If she has an infection, she may feel better after a 3 to 4 day fast. Look up the Master Cleanser. It might help to clear up an infection, as well as regulate the digestive system and drop a couple of pounds. Just remember, it's not a diet; it's a fast.

If it is not emotional and not physical, then perhaps it is psychological. Has she put on weight? Does she feel insecure about aging? Any kind of insecurity like that can and will influence a woman's self esteem. If she feels like she is ugly, unattractive, undesireable, not sexy, overweight (you get the point) she might have a decreased desire for sex. She will have to face herself in a sexual situation looking the way she does. If she hates the way she looks, she will not be able to understand why you are attracted to her. Her self image can cause her to feel like she does not deserve to enjoy sex because she is not sexy. She might be impressionable enough to be sweettalked into putting out every once in a while, but the problem will continue. She will go back to feeling unsexy. Again, I suggest a psychiatrist.

Watching porn together, buying gifts, romantic dinners, doing chores, paying compliments.... all of these things are just temporary fixes. It's like applying a band-aid but not treating the problem. Send her to the doctor; send ger to the OBGYN; send both of you to marriage counseling.

Answer 4

Good question. Seems as though from what you say that you have tried everything and still nothing. Perhaps you need to confront her point blank about the situation. Don't be angry, forceful, or demanding as that will immediately turn her away, but if you are tactful yet to the point she may listen to you. As many of the others have suggested, during your talk suggest that she see her doctor to make sure there are no physical reasons for her lack of desire. If she professes to still love you, ask her if you still turn her on. If not then maybe you do need to change something about yourself so that you do turn her on. If there are no problems physically and if she still says she loves you and you turn her on, then the next step would be to seek out a good marriage counselor. There has to be something going on in her mind that has taken away the desire to make love with you. You have kids so obviously this is a relatively new situation between the two of you. Ask yourself what has changed in that time that could have caused her to act this way. Have you gained or lost a lot of weight, grown a beard or mustache or shaved them off, etc. sometimes it's the little things that we don't realize that changes how our mate feels about us.
So in order of importance:
1- talk honestly, openly and point blank with her
2- see a doctor to make sure there are no physical problems
3- see a marriage counselor/psychologist
Good luck, most women would love to have you as a husband from the sounds of things that you do for her.

Answer 5

I have been with a man for 7 years and we do not have sex at all. He just says its something he does not want and I love him so I put up with it. She may have a medical problem, or just feeling that its not what she wants. I know how you feel , sometimes I cry when I think about not being touched again. I miss that connection between and man and a women. Yet if we put it on a list of 1 = 10 what is important in this life, it would only be a 4. I hope it works out for you, good luck.

Answer 6

honey, you don't hit your prime for a woman until you are in your late 30's early 40's (for those of you who aren't here yet? oh, yah, just wait, it gets better!) anyway, there might be something physically wrong, or do you think she might be depressed she doesn't work and you are gone for at least 12 hours a day and you do the fair share of the house cleaning, what does she do? do you have kids? and if it is hurting her or it doesn't feel good, is there enough lube going on? and if that is not the case, try different positions. if again, still not, then she really needs to go to the doctor!

Answer 7

Some people have lower sex drive than others. They say that the woman's "prime" is in her 30s, but I don't know if it's true, I'm still waiting for it to hit (I'm 33). She could just be bored with your sex life; after 10 years, it's not that exciting anymore, even if you're the best lover in the world. Not everyone thinks about sex all the time, it's different for different people.

Answer 8

She's at a point in her life where she feels that she has seen almost everything that you have(sexually) done.After the kids & doing the same thing for so long, it would seem that you need a vacation from each other.If she acts as if that's all that is on your mind,then she will stay this way.Put some space between you & her and go on as if things are normal.Do what is fun for you!Games,working out or hanging with your boyz.When she feels that she is ready,so will you.Don't cheat!It would be the wrong message to send her & you.

Answer 9

I'm in your wifes shoes. My husband is great to me, and the thing that helps the most is his patience. DON'T make her feel pressured to have sex.
Try having someone she trusts, so she won't worry, watch the kids over night, do all those things you mentioned you do, and honestly don't expect anything to happen because it may not. Just let her enjoy an intimate night with you knowing it doesn't have to lead to sex. Doing this without expectation of sex will gain her trust and help her see you want her and not her for sex. Gaining that trust from her will be key to having sex later on.
Also, maybe drop the kids off a little early and give her time to pamper herself and make herself look and feel sexy. Maybe even volunteer to babysit and give her money for a new sexy dress.
As for the pain, try using lubricants, not any with sensations designed to enhance pleasure which will just feel like burning and hurt worse. Try KYJelly or Astroglide.

Answer 10

i think that sometimes in our mid to late 20's some of us (guys and gals) go through a not interested period. I know that my husband was stressed out alot and he just wasnt working right in that area. and sometimes for no reason I don't feel like it either. Im a stay at home mom with 5 kids and I get to the end of the night and then it feels like i have to do more work by having sex (now this is just once in a while). And about the prime time thing. We get to our prime years in our early to mid 30's. and now days those numbers are being pushed further to the 40's. and In this time peroid of our lives we are supposed to be feeling good and having more sex (not really more sex) and becoming content with the fact that we look our best and feel our best. Now she may be having a mid likfe crisis where she is freaking out about aging and not feeling very atractive.

Answer 11

She is just making up excuses. I would have her go to the doctors to make sure your hormones are ok, maybe she really is tired could be from Anemia? Once she gets all her health checked out then maybe some counseling is in order if she still doesn't want to have sex after all you do for her. Now I can understand if you never helped out with anything, but since you are doing more than your share she should atleast be willing to give a little more.