are you scared when you are elderly, that you will end up abandoned, in a nursing home?

Question

before i had a family, i worked in a nursing home for the elderly. it is scary to see how many end up alone, having no family that come & visit, even on christmas & birthdays. some family have the excuse, that they want to remember them when they were not sick & invalid.
do you think this is cruel & selfish or do you think it is acceptable???

Answer 1

No, life happens, it s sad , but its life. have sympathies with the ones left behind , however, its life. At least you care.

Answer 2

It must be very difficult for famillies when they visit their relative especially if the elderly person has a dementia type illness. As you have worked in a Nursing Home you will know what we mean....going to see someone who can't remember you or is scared because they don't know who you are. For the majority of famillies we imagine it must be very difficult making the decision not to visit anymore. Our daughter did her Work Experience from school at a local Nursing Home and then went on to work at the same place for almost 2 yrs. She found that some of the residents were not receptive to their visitors. Maybe the "excuse" that famillies want to remember their relative as they were not as they are is a valid reason. None of us really know what we would do in a similar situation. We may say what we would like to do but until we are in that situation none of us will, truly, be able to say we would definately do this or that. As for being fearful that we will end up abandoned in a Nursing Home....if we had a dementia type illness we would prefer to be in a Nursing Home than be a burden on our children.

Answer 3

I have no fears of ending up in a nursing home. I too worked in a nursing home in the mid 80's & what I saw sickened me. So many of the elderly were dropped off at the front door of the nursing home, like the daily newspaper, never to see their families again. Why? Many were "too busy" to come & visit, even for thirty minutes. It's a real shame & what do you tell the elderly, when they wait at their window or their door, for family who isn't going to come, once again. I don't know how their family can sleep at night, when they're loved one has died of a broken heart. Many give up when they are put into nursing homes, from lack of visits & phone calls from their family. How can people forget about the elderly? What selfish & insensitive people. :)

Answer 4

I am not frightened of growing old, but the last thing I want is to end up living in a nursing home.

I used to work in a nursing home and I have witnessed how Carers, Health Care Workers treat some of the elderly men and women. They got treated worse than children. In fact, I am pretty sure that they would not treat an animal the way they treated some of the elderly folks in the nursing home.

Unfortunately, mistreatment, unkindness and cruelty are far more common than most people perhaps realise. There was a huge outcry a few years ago in national newspapers but nothing much as change. The elderly are still treated with lack of dignity and respect and not just in nursing homes either.

I complained about some of the things I witness happen in the nursing home because I just couldn't condone the way the elderly were being treated. I had to speak out. The manager took no action and the carer’s continued to get away with their poor behaviour so I went over the manager's head, and straight to the owner of the nursing home. To cut a long story short, I ended up being bullied and victimised which management did absolutely nothing about. In the end I walked out because the job got to me in the end. I was going home everyday after my shift ended crying my eyes out. But I ensured that the elderly relatives knew what was happening before I walked out. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut as some of the carers seem to think I should have done, but who else was going to speak up for the elderly folks?

There are literally hundreds and thousands of elderly men and women living in nursing homes today, and not just in America, but in the United Kingdom too, and throughout the world. Some are forgotten about as if they never existed. Many it seems become a burden to their families so they are quickly cast away put into a nursing home, thus taking away the responsibility of their family, children, whose parents raised them. Special occasions are often overlooked or forgotten about.

It is sad, very sad, to think how society treats its elderly citizens. They looked after us, their children, contributed to society, many fought in wars in order to help make the world a better place in which to live. We, "children" should return the favour by looking after our elderly parents as they once looked after us.

Of course, some elderly folks do not have any relatives, but even then, I am sure they would enjoy a friendly visit from friends, or even a total stranger who was willing to befriend them for the simple reason that they care, that is from the depths of the heart.

Blessings x

Answer 5

No, it is not acceptable but I'm afraid that's what happens and it's very sad. Young people never seem to want to take the time to spend with elders they shove them off to a home . When I was growing up the elderly always lived at home with the family, that's the way it should be, not put away in a home with no family around. Today people don't want to be bothered.I'm not going to any nursing home, I'll stay in my home till my last dying breathe.

Answer 6

A lot of questions--I'll just say I've lived alone since my 20s and have no living relatives at all, so when it comes time to check in to a nursing home in a few years, I won't be lonely or forgotten. I'll keep myself and hopefully those around me amused. If things get so bad that I might need round the clock care, heaven forbid, I'll have made some arrangements with the staff for end-of-life issues. I'm looking forward to seeing my family in Heaven when God pulls the plug. No fears.

Answer 7

I have left a living will outlining for my children what my wishes are.

I do NOT want to live with one of them. I want to be independent as long as possible. I may need to move into residential care someday and I'm OK with that. If I become unable to live there and need a nursing home, my children have been instructed to put me there.

I would never put my health burden's onto my children. Not Ever. I have lived and am living a wonderful and active life. I was 32 years in an industry that gave me all the travel benefits one could want and I've traveled everywhere, many times.

I have cruised every sea on earth and most of the waterways.

I have taken almost every train in Europe many times and have been all over the U.S. by car, train and motorcoach.

I raised wonderful kids and have wonderful grandchildren.

When the end of my active life comes, it will be OK with me. It happens to all of us if we live long enough.

As for being abandoned? As long as my family outlives me, I will never be abandoned or forgotten. We have strong family bonds and our love and concern runs deep inside us.

We must all face the aging process and do it the best way we can. We are all part of the passing scene.

Answer 8

TOTALLY unacceptable. I took care of my Mom the last four years of ehr life and lived with her the last twenty before that. When I had to put her in a nursing home it was against my wishes and only because Medicare refused to pay for at home care. Hse had acquired a heart valve infection while she had been in the hospital and the injections, without Medicare, were 400.00 4 x daily which I could not afford. I found one five minutes from where we lived and went 3 times a day for every meal which I had with her and brought her home immediately after the meds had been given over a six week period.
The nurses and doctors kept screwing up her blood thinning meds and prescribing too much and aI had to constantly intervene about that. She still had two trips to the ER for that reason when they refused to listen to me.
I find it horrifying, sad and totally inexcusable for children to neglect their elderly parents. The wish to remember them in happier times is total BS. They are just lazy, inconsiderate and selfish. The onyl good thing is, when those same selfish children grow up and get elderly, their children will do the same thing to them remembering what they did to their parents; they will assume that is the correct thing to do...

Answer 9

No I am not sad or scared about some day being in a nursing home.I am an RN who has worked in nursing homes and elderly assisted living. They are treated well, they have good wholesome meals,activites if you want them from am to pm,they can have TV's,special people visit if you don't have any family, I think that my bed is made daily,they assist with showers, and staff celebrates birthdays and anniversaries,and usually staff are caring otherwise they would not do the back breaking job that they do.

Answer 10

I am not a senior but I do find it a culture shock in the U.S. that elderly parents are regularly abandoned by their children.
I would not even entertain the idea of my mother living in a nursing home.God forbid the idea of it.
Little wonder American families are so torn apart everywhere you look,you can hardly find a real family that is truly close and loving,kids disobeying and being unruly to their parents,widespread divorce....you can not buy the wisdom of the previous generation who has been through it all.

Answer 11

I think that is so mean when people won't visit their parents/grandparents in a nursing home. That is SO sad, I can't imagine not visiting my parents. I actually would never put my parents in a nursing home. (Unless they needed constant medical care). I personally think it's really sad when people do that, it's kind of like they're just dumping them off so they won't have to deal with it. People who do that need to think back to when they were kids and how they're parents took care of them and changed their diapers and was there for them through everything. It's like the same thing, old people are kind of like kids. They need someone to watch over them and take care of them. I also think it's selfish to not visit them because you want to remember them how they were and not see them sick. That is when they need you the most. It makes me sick to think that people would just think of their own feelings when someone in their family needs them there.
I don't worry about being left alone, I have two beautiful daughters and I know that they'll be there for me and my husband when we grow old.