Why do even most feminists take husband's last name when they marry?

Question

Is taking the man's last name associated with making him feel like part of the child-rearing team, as in, "Hey buyddy,you're connected to our kids, so you need to care for them?"

Answer 1

Probably because it creates a great deal less confusion. I know just from having my passport in my maiden name (and it must stay in my maiden name until I am considered a permanent resident in the country where I now reside), but everything else is in married name. This causes a great deal of confusion

Answer 2

Not a matter of principle, I just wasn't crazy about my last name and liked his better. That's probably the case quite often - the man's name may sound better. If I really liked mine I would have kept it. Also the "being married" makes you feel a little different if you have a different last name, like a new chapter in your life. Nothing to do with male domination, really - I guess it's a choice like everything else. I don't know that "most" feminists do it. In fact I'm aware of a LOT of professional women who keep their maiden names because of they are a doctor or lawyer and have built up a practice using it.

Answer 3

It may be "tradition" but to me, I feel like I'm losing a major part of my identity. I'm supposed to give up the name I was born with and lived with for much of my life only to pretend like it never existed when I got married. Maybe some men think that women consider their names unimportant and are eager to give them up when they get married but the truth is that it does feel like an amputation for a lot of them. My parents had no sons. They were only children so I don't have a lot of relatives out there with that last name, which is rare anyway. I wanted to preserve the name so I didn't assume my husband's last name when I married him more than a quarter century ago. It never bothered him and now my younger daughter wants to use my last name when she gets older. It wouldn't be much trouble since the name already is part of hers. It's a second middle name right now. All she has to do is drop her real last name and go by that other one.

Answer 4

I am not very well acquanted or informed about the psychology behind ego and names. I remember feeling a twinge of weirdness about changing my name when I got married, not resentment or anything like that, but a feeling of loss. Even when I divorced, I kept my married name to honor my son who has a public life. I believe I did so because a name seems to have more ego meaning to men than it does for me and I felt OK with such a compromise. Partly, I think I was enculturated to accept this practice. But, partly, in all honesty, it was because my maiden surname is hilariously funny and ridiculed and I was soooo relieved to be rid of it. : )

Answer 5

Well it's always bothered me that women are expected to take their husband's name after marriage. Why can't it be the other way around is what I always think. The fact is, marriage doesn't sound equal to me if the woman has to give up the name she's had all her life. It's inexplicable that women, even feminists do so.

Answer 6

Tradition

Answer 7

It is tradition and what is wrong with that? It denotes that the two people are one. If you had a baseball team with six different names then it would not only be confusing but damage team cohesiveness. The hatred of all things male has really gotten out of hand.

Answer 8

Really? Where is the data on this?

I didn't take my husband's name and our kids will get whichever one of our surnames goes well with their first and middle name.

Answer 9

Hey get this, as an anti-feminist I was actually debating on keeping my maiden name or taking his, but since I like how his sounded I chose his.

Answer 10

i ahve no intention of taking my husbands name wen i do get married wen eva that wil be...if i actually do lol. il decide about the children wen it comes to that. wel actually all in all i dont want to get 'married' but prefably to have a commitment ceremony- a celebreation of love