my 15 year old daughter was killed?

Question

My 15 year old daughter was killed 4 weeks ago in a crash. It was her boyfriends birthday and they went out with four of there mates and yes they were drinking but allot of teenagers do. My daughters best mate was supposed to be going out with them that night as well but couldnt. so they were taking loads of pictures and videoing themselves to show her what a laugh it was,( i had lent them my camera, thats how i know this). Anyway at about 11:30pm. one of my daughters mates brothers said he'd pick them up and take them for a spin in his knew car. so the all squeezed in and he crashed. Only one of them survived to tell the story of what happened. But we do have the pictures and videos they made. my daughter and her boyfriend both died at the scene. i dont know what to do with my self i cant go a minute without thinking about it and her best mate has broken down. i dont know what i can do with myself at the moment, i want to make myself remember her in a good way but i dont know how

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about what happened.

Please please go see a therapist. thats what I woul do if I were you.

Answer 2

I am so, so sorry for your loss, my friend. My 21 year old stepson died some years ago, so I know a little of your pain and your helplessness.

It does get better, but not now. There will always be a hole in your heart, that's for sure. Right now you're still in shock and will be for quite a while. But the sun will come out again in time.

When sudden tragedies like this occur, it's something like a flash bulb going off in your face. For the longest time, all you can see, no matter where you look, is the blinding flare from the flash. But in time, the flare fades and you can see the things that were in front of you all along. That's when the good memories come back and the images of her death start to fade.

There is an international support group for grieving parents that may be of help to you. It's called the Compassionate Friends. I don't know where you are in the world, so I've rounded up the websites for the US, UK and Australia below, plus my local chapter's website. There are local chapters all over the world, newsletters, meetings, and other resources to help you get through this terrible time.

Meanwhile, you aren't alone. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Best wishes and God bless.

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter! I too lost a child of 15 years 2 years ago. Losing a child is never an easy thing to deal with, and it will take time. People will tell you time will heal all wounds, but that is not true, time only eases the pain of the loss, it never heals. My recommendation to you is to have a memorial with her friends from school, and family members, with a dinner, and reminisce about the good things, and the funny things she did to make you smile. It will get easier with time, but as a mom myself I truly understand your pain. Still today there are times that I just break down and cry from losing my son. I also recommend making a memorial wall for the first year, it helped us all a lot. We also made a memory book with just my son in it, and have collected pictures from everyone that we knew that had ever taken pics of him. Good luck, and if you ever need someone to talk to my messenger is the same as my email.

Answer 4

Dearest Dad
I can't express how sad you must be and how painful this all must be for you. I'm sure you're daughters in heaven right now lloking down at you and listen or feeling you're pain. If she was tehre in spirit she would tell you that sh eknows that you love her and how much you miss her. How that night was like any other night and thing happen out of there control. I'm sure as her father you were the best parent you could of been. Letting her go out with her b.f was what any father wouldof done. Don't forget teh good times i know the pain will never go away but let her live in you're memories as the beautful girl she really was ./
God Bless

Answer 5

You just broke my heart but I know your is is shattered into pieces. I know how you feel. I lost my niece in a tragic accident a couple weeks ago. Fist off, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. We never think we would outlive our children. Since it was recent you will think about all of the good and bad times you had with her. You'll remember the arguments you had and what you could have said or done differently. You'll miss her beautiful smile, and the smell of her perfume. You'll think about everything about her and what she might be doing if she were older.

Most of all you will miss her saying "dad". You should know that she is always with you, and she is safe and happy where she is. She's looking forward to the day you'll meet again. She knows how much you loved her and how much you cared.

You will never forget and you shouldn't. You have to take it one day at a time. Don't stay away from her pictures or try not to deal with this or things will become worse, as far as healing process goes. Have people around you at all times. Talk with anyone who will listen. Stare at her pictures and cry your eyes out. Please don't bottle things up. I wish you the best of luck... You and your family will be in my prayers. Let the survivor know it's not his fault. He needs to have someone around to talk to as well. Take care!

Answer 6

The pics and video are going to be a constant reminder of the exact time when she was killed. Nobody can tell you what to do and how to grieve. I really suggest getting some counseling and dealing with your grieve head on. My husbands sister was killed when they were in high school and his mother made a mess of her life. Got divorced is drunk 95% of the time and just a mess. His dad is in charge of his life but still blames everyone else for something that was just that...an accident. His dad keeps a shrine in the house of her and it has been 12 years ago, this is not healthy.

You will go through a long hard process of grieving but just remember that your daughter would not want you to mess up the rest of your life. Remember the good times and remember who she was and try to not build your life around her death. Celebrate her life.

May God bless you and your family.

Answer 7

omg...i am so sorry... i got chills when i read this cuz it is soo horrible...

you need to keep your mind on the goo dmemories. u know the lil things she did. the lil funny things she sometimes said. the way she smiled. the way she acted with family and friends. juss remember what kindof person she was.

i give u my dearest sympathy. i can olny imagine what you are going through.
Time heals wounds. ive learned this after my uncle unexpectly died this past may. for a while, i always thought of him, asking so many "what if" questions. but they only make you feel worse, so try not to do it. but as time goes on things will get easier. right now the wounds are still new and it will be a slow process to heal them, but they will heal. one day you are going to be able to look at her pic and smile, because u know she is in a better place and that she lived a good life while she was on earth and that one day you will see her again.

Answer 8

i'm really sorry about your loss, and I think that your daughter is smiling down at you at this very moment wishing you would remember her in a good way. I believe each of us has our life written day by day. && If we grief on our losses we will never live... the life God has made for us to live. I am truly sorry for your loss. But remember she is in a much better place then here. Here on earth, she was possibly happy, but like I said before it's a much happier place up there, where one day we'll all go! and finally be in peace... find sunshine in the darkness and remind yourself of all the moments you and your daughter had together, that were happy, and the smile of your daughter will come back. I cant stress enough that you find refuge in a church or some place where you feel comfortable. Life takes on many circles and this is one of yours. One of my favorite quotes is " Life is like photography, We develop from negatives." Develop from this negative and let your darling daughter finally rest in peace... again sorry for your loss... R.I.P

All my prayers go to you and your family.
God Bless

Answer 9

I am so incredibly sorry. I can't imagine the pain that you are experiencing. If you have not as of yet, I'd highly suggest seeing a therapist/counselor who can assist you in dealing with your grief. I'm sure that at some point in the future, you will naturally start thinking of your daughter in joyful ways; however, the happy thoughts are not something that should be forced. They will come with time. Again, I am so, so sorry.

Answer 10

I am terribly sorry for your loss. This is tragic. Remember the good times you had with your daughter and the good things you taught her, and the good things she brought to your life. It is still very soon for you, it is normal to feel terrible still. Keep the last pictures and videos of your daughter to remember the fun she had in life and how much she was liked by her friends. Maybe make a scrapbook of memories of your daughter. See a grief counsellor if you have trouble coping.

Answer 11

I am very sorry to hear about your loss, when i read the post, my heart sank.

I never lost a child because I don't have any and so, will not pretend to understand exactly what you are going through. But i am a human with a heart and feel sorrow for your daughter's passing even though I never met her.

It's not fair, this life, so I will pray that the God of all Comfort and Mercies will be with you.