i think our marriage is headed for divorce...?

Question

we have been together for 6 years. only just married this year. we have one child. i am a stay home mom in school working for a degree to go back to work. he is a mechanic. i am miserable. he is miserable. he doesn't talk to me. he pretends like things are fine when theyre not. he expects me to forget about things that upset me (yes, he has told me this) he buys thousands of dollars worth of "stuff" behind my back, etc. he yells at me for no reason. and from what he tells me, i make him feel like he never does anything right, im always bitching, i'm never happy, etc. it takes two to tango, i know this, but i can't take the fighting anymore. it seems like all i ever think about anymore is a divorce, or leaving him. i don't know why we got married. but it seems like since we have, things have only gotten worse. i love this man and want things to work, but i just can't take it anymore. where do we go from here? suggestions to get our marriage back on track?

Answer 1

wow, i have been with my husband for 7 years now married for 6 and i completely understand where you are coming from. although i really don't have an answer to give you, maybe we could talk some time. Seems like the only time me and him talk anymore is about the kids, otherwise we either sit and watch tv quietly or he watches tv while i play the computer. only i difference is, he doesn't go spending money behind my back, cause we don't have any to spend...lol write me if ya want and if not, Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE BEST RELATIONSHIP IS AN HONEST ONE. MY OTHER HALF AND I HAVE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING. HE STARTED OUT JUST A FRIEND; THEN ENDED UP BEING MY EVERYTHING. HE IS MY EQUAL. WE HAVE EVEN DISCUSSED HOW IS BETTER AT THINGS THAT I WOULD HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO. BUT, ON MY OWN DEFENSE I CAN DO THINGS THAT HE CAN NOT. TRY TO TALK TO HIM WITHOUT ACCUSING HIM OF ANYTHING. IF YOU ACCUSE HIM HE WILL FIGHT. IF HE ACCUSES YOU YOU WILL FIGHT. SO THINK OF YOUR WORDS BEFORE SPEAKING. AND DON'T INTERRUPT EVEN IF YOU KNOW THAT HE IS WRONG.

Answer 3

extended family CAN ABSOLUTELY create a divorce/separation situation. and no, you ARE NOT married to his mother, even if HE thinks so. she will forever be a part of your life because you married her son, but you are not obligated to have the kind of relationship with her that he does. I am married. when you marry someone, your family changes. its no longer 'mom and dad and sisters/brothers'. its you, your spouse, and kids (if any). I understand the living situation isn't ideal, but trying to give your husband an ultimatum about his mother is definitely putting him in a tough spot having to choose between his mother and wife. HOWEVER, LET THIS BE KNOWN: a spouse SHOULD ALWAYS come first. he CHOSE to make a lifetime commitment to you; he had no choice when it comes to his mother. in my experience, the most effective way to let him know your tolerance is wearing thin is to show him your question. its blunt, straight forward, and EXACTLY how you feel. im gonna warn you though, if you do this, you risk an even bigger fight when he tells his mom, but he'll have no excuses for not knowing how this situation is killing you. you want peace! who doesn't? i would definitely try counseling for now, even if he doesn't agree to go. at least then, you can get an idea of what exactly is going on and perhaps even make a back up plan if things don't start easing up soon. explain to him that you don't want to give him an ultimatum conserning his mother, but that you feel ganged up on all the time and don't know how much more nit picking you can handle. good luck!

Answer 4

you need to get into counseling to see if there is a chance to save the marriage, but you have to realize that you may love what you saw in him then and that is not how he is now.
he may not agree to the counseling but then the divorce is the only answer. If he is doing things behind your back like buying the thousand of dollars worth of things, he doesn't love you so there is no reason to stay and keep making you both miserable

Answer 5

it sounds like there is no outlet for communication, and therefore, if you can't make time to sit down and speak honestly (and still respectfully) to each other, then maybe you should consider seeing a professional who can mediate the situation and offer objective advice to help you get back on your feet. if you've been together for that long and are married with a child, then you owe it to both of you to try to make things work. keep in mind that he may be feeling insecure or resentful about being the breadwinner for the family and instead of talking to you, he sneaks around behind your back without realizing that he's sabotaging the marriage. best of luck.

Answer 6

I feel for you. However, before you take any such action, you need to get some counselling. If he refuses give him an ultimatum if not you will be forced to go. You also mentioned that you have a child, how is the child treated by the father? if the same then for the child's sake and his well being move out. While you are apart you can try the concealing and try to fix the relationship problem.

Answer 7

You should seek the advice of a marriage counselor someone nuetral that can look at both sides. This will give you both a chance to set boundaries and a deadline to meet them. That way you will know whether you even want each other. Are you even sure he really wants you?

Answer 8

counseling only works if you BOTH want it to work. Time to have a conversation together and decide if you both really want to stay together, what are you going to try that's different (because no one wants to live in misery). you might get lucky and get the old spark back, or you might end up on the road to seperation. either way, you'll at least make a decision.

Answer 9

Marriage counsiling, it's worth a try.

Answer 10

marriage counseling. sometimes it helps to talk to someone who isn't involved in the situation and can give you insights on things you can do to make your marriage better. trying to make a marriage better by yourselves is hard when you have reached the point that you have. you both blame each other and neither one of you really hears the other one. try the counseling. it's the least you can do.