Why don't people understand??

Question

I’m frustrated. I just lost my baby a little over a month ago and it seems like no one understands what I am going through and it’s frustrating me. It wasn’t a miscarriage even though I was only 23 weeks. He wasn’t a still born because he lived for 10 hours. He was my baby and now that he is gone I feel so empty. My friends just keep telling me to look at it as an experience and they don’t understand why it hurts me to look at a newborn. Even hearing a newborn cry makes me upset because I never had a chance to hear my baby cry, he was immediately put on a ventilator to help with his breathing. I don’t want to be a B*tch to my friends but sometimes I just want to scream at them. How can I make them understand what I am going through? Can someone who has never been pregnant ever understand what it is to lose a child?

Please no rude comments. Thank you.

Answer 1

First off I'm so sorry for your loss. No one can understand unless they have been there! Please check out this website, the women here are WONDERFUL and many have been through what you are going through, They will have GREAT ideas to help you cope and try to start healing. I wish you the best sweetie!!

www.shareyourstory.com

Answer 2

I am so sorry this happened to you. You lost a child and that's the worst thing that can happened to anyone. Some people just don't get it. If they never felt a baby kick inside them or never felt the love for a child they just cant get it. A girl I'm friends with lost a child at 36weeks in utero and although it was a still birth people didn't get that she had lost a child. She had such a hard time even seeing pregnant women. Maybe the best thing for you to do is join a support group. Even one online.That way you'll be able to grieve openly with others who understand you. Again I'm so sorry about your loss.

Answer 3

Well I have never lost a child, But I can only image that it would be horrible! I'm sorry for your lose.
you have every right to be a B*tch to you friends, you need them more then anything right now, and they are pretty much telling you to just get over it. Maybe you should go and talk to you someone about this, I think maybe you get so upset about even hearing a baby cry is because you wanted so much to just get to hear your baby cry. Because I know i would be very jealous of that. And I wouldn't understand.
but just know that in the future this will make you a stonger
person in th end.

Answer 4

Wow, I am sorry for your loss. I believe if you have never been pregnant, you cannot relate to someone who has been and if you have never lost a child or loved one it would be equally difficult to truly understand the feelings and dispair that are involved. Its like the people that don't have children who criticize parents at the store or on TV "I wouldn't talk to my child that way" uhhh how do you know, you have no idea what it is like to give birth and raise a child!? I think you need time to mourn, and I don't think your friends really, truly know how you feel. They get to think how they would feel if it happened to them, then move on to their next thought. You think about your baby and how you prepared and you go home to an empty crib. I think in time you will be able to be around children again, but you need time to heal.

Have you thought of talking to a professional?? Maybe they can provide some insight to your feelings. How about a support group, it may help to talk to people that are dealing with the same or similar issues.

Answer 5

I haven't been through that, but my baby was born early and had to go on a ventilator right away, too. She ended up being ok, but I imagined the worst could have happened, and at the time you are already so emotional, you have mixed feelings. I felt guilty, like it was somehow my fault, and then mad at everyone else who didn't have to go through what i was going through.
There are a lot of counselors who can help you, even if it's just to talk and try to make sense of how you feel. I know that talking to other people really helped me, and I can't imagine what you must be going through. I really suggest finding someone in your area, maybe through the hospital or your own doctor/OB.

Answer 6

"Can someone who has never been pregnant ever understand what it is to lose a child?"

No, but they should certainly understand what it's like to lose a loved one.

I don't have children but I lost my dad when I was 20. If someone would have said "look at it as an experience" I would have totally hit the ceiling.

Maybe you need to stress to these people that your baby was indeed a human being whose life should be respected and whose death should be mourned just as any other person's life and death is, regardless of whether that life was 10 hours, 10 years, or 10 decades long.

Peace be with you.

Answer 7

I am sooooo sorry about what you have gone through. Unfortunately, no one will understand unless God forbid, they go through it themselves. Sometimes, you have to just take a deep breath and try to explain your feelings to people when you are calm instead of exploding when you are upset.

Take your time, and mourn your baby. There are people who understand and can feel compassion....try to find some grief counseling. If you can't do it at an actual therapists office, then find a message board on the internet for moms that have lost children. Sometimes just talking to someone that does know can help you tolerate the ones that are a bit on the insensitive side.

God bless you!

Answer 8

I was in your same shoes, I lost my son at 18 weeks but this was after begging doctors to pay attention to my warning signs, then my water breaking and taking five days in my tummy my tiny son with no amnionic fluid and I had him at home alone.

Nobody understands, this was 3 years ago for me and I can tell you the pain never goes away completely but surprisingly time does heel. I didn't think it would, I remember being told that and I wanted to punch the person. I was soooooo angry and I can still get upset to this day. This is something that never leaves you. I went to a grieiving counsellor and that helped a bit but it never goes away completely. Just try to focus on your body healing and then as hard as it is, why life is good and get back to the things you enjoy, you have to push yourself.

You're only a month in the grieving process, take your time. I hope you have someone to talk to.

Answer 9

Oh my, I am so sorry for your loss. No I do not think a person who has never been pregnant or had a child could POSSIBLY understand what you are going through. I wouldn't have understood the magnitude of that kind of loss before I had children of my own. No one knows how much they can love a child until they have one of their own.

Do scream... I would. It might scare them, but at least it will make you feel better.

Have you been to any counsiling? You might check into it, I know it won't solve anything... but it might help you cope. Worth a shot?

Again... I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know what to tell you about how you feel but I don't think anyone can know how it feels to lose a child unless they have lost one. My grandfather died at 94. He had 5 children and 13 grandchildren and he told me that the thing he was happiest about was that all of them had outlived him. Nonetheless, your friends only want to help you and despite their fumbling, you should allow them. Eventually you will feel better. You won't forget but you will remember with less pain. If not, please find someone -even a therapist, counselor, minister-who you can talk to. Hugs.