Should I marry him?

Question

He's incredibly smart, a talented musician, funny, and loyal. He's introduced me to my faith. I have learned patience, and to pick my fights. My problem lies with his bipolar disorder. He lacks in organization and motivation. I get frustrated because it's like pulling teeth to get him to help around the apartment. He wants children, but isn't consistant with caring for our pets. He wants to get married, but I'm affraid his history of poor credit and debt will make it impossible to get a home, future cars, etc. He has just started his fourth job since we met one year ago. I work 64 hours a week trying to save for college. Because his loss of money between jobs all my savings had to cover rent and bills. I love the man but hate the disorder. I am emotionally and physically tired. I am affraid he will go back to alcohol (he's been in recovery since we met), not taking his medication, and becoming homeless. I love him too much to want this to happen, and I care about his family too much

to want them to deal with it anymore. I feel responsible if anything were to happen to him. What should I do?

I'm sorry to those I confused, but he is taking medication through state aid, and does not drink at all right now. My concern with such things would be if I were to leave him. Also, I don't mean to say bipolar disorder is a crutch for everyone, but he has a very severe case (taking anti-pshychotic medication and mood stabilizers).

Answer 1

I think that if you are so confused about this that you are resorting to asking a bunch of strangers, then the answer is "No, you should not marry him." Certainly not right now.

I know this sounds like a harsh view of things, but if he's not even willing to take his meds, you are basically guaranteed that he will not be willing or able to take care of his share of responsibilities.

Answer 2

If you have to ask on here you should not marry him. You love him that is ok. You can love many people during your life and you can love more than one person at the same time. Love for each person is different.
So love him as a special and talented friend. He is not husband material because of his condition, nor will hw make a good father. You are entitled to a good husband a children , the full works.
So do not give up your independence. Live separately from this man and in time start dating others. Be supportive to your friend, let him know you are there for him but develop your own life.

Answer 3

you have to think of him as just a friend you love as a friend and try to get him help, if you love him, but don't commit to marriage until you finish college. There are a tremendous number of people who get married in college or before that end up divorced because of the change and money in life style after finishing school and working in your chosen field. You can't separate the man from the disorder but there are many who have that and are fully functional in spite of that. Try doing research online and see what you can find that would help him with that because unless he gets organized, you would be foolish to think of him as anything more than a friend unless you want a marriage that will only last a year or two

Answer 4

First of all, his bipolar disorder isn't a crutch. Don't let him use it as one. People still make decisions, like taking their meds and paying their bills on time. That has nothing to do with a disorder, it's LIFE.
You should never consider marrying someone who isn't financially stable. If he can't support himself, you're going to have financial problems.
I know you love him, but you should consider asking him to live on his own. He needs to learn how to manage all of his bills. If he can do that for 6 months, maybe then consider moving in together again. He needs to learn what it takes to survive on his own. If that means he has to get a second job to pay the rent, that's what he has to do.
He's draining you financially, and that's not going to stop unless you MAKE it stop.

Answer 5

If you have to ask if you should marry him, then the answer would be no.

If you don't want to let him go, then something needs to be resolved so that you can deal with him - at this point, he is holding you back, and that isn't good for anyone. Maybe he needs to have an adjustment in his meds?

You could also talk to his family-if you are close enough to them-to figure out a solution.

Answer 6

The issues you mentioned here all ready look like bigger problems if you were to marry him. For one thing he can't even be depended upon to hold on to a job, and that is a marriage killer. Also, you cannot go on being worried about him starting to drink again, you are not responsible. Men with addictions usually pick women who are too nice, women who will enable them, rescue them. I feel you shouldn't marry him. I know you love him and it hurts to hear this, but if you marry him you will only set yourself up for more disappointments and heartache. Wish I could have given you more hope.

Answer 7

you are not responsable for a grown man even with a disorder he is the one that doesn't want to take his meds and help out.... I wouldn't marry him until he started doing better holding down a job longer than 3 months at a time and not until he started being more responsible with his own life

Answer 8

Know what you are getting into with bipolar disorder. It is not easy on a partner. Since you are unsure do yourself a favor and wait until you are ready! Marriage is a big commitment. Dont be pressured into it.

Answer 9

No offense but it seems something may be wrong with your own judgement to marry a man in that type of state. If he has help available and not utilizing it he doesnt want to change and if he is conducting himself in that manner you have nothig coming but a hard road ahead of you. If he doesnt get help dont marry him it could be very harmful to you emotionally, mentally and physically.

Answer 10

No!!!!!!!!! I do not think you should marry him. I do not know too much about bipolar disorder but all that you've said seem like you would already be setting up yourself for a divorce.!!!