People who have tried counseling!!!!!help...?

Question

My husband and i have been arguing a lot lately over the stupidest things....like...... why didn't u turn the computer screen off? why didn't you turn the lights out? (i mean name calling and all).
I'm to the point where im thinking about leaving him.
He said we should go to counseling BUT i don't think another person is gonna help us get along.
If two people love each other do u think they should have to go to counseling to learn how to get along?
Even if this person "help us" to get along do u think its a possibility that it will last?
Anyone here who have tried counseling?

Answer 1

Understand what "counseling" is.

Marraige counselling will absolutely help!

All the counselor will do, is to help the both of you in giving you proper tools so you can properly and effectively communicate yourselves.

It's not about 'learning how to get along". Your focus is off. It's about how to communicate. You will always have this problem no matter who you are with.

It's the same principal as a student going to College. They already speak great English, know Algebra, and can tell you the History of the U.S. But they go to College to learn beyond what knowledge they currently possess.

Same thing. Just because couples are in love and married, does not give them the "beyond knowledge" of how to properly communicate in a loving, deep relationship.

Quit your talk of "leaving", which only sabatoges your chances of making a happy marraige.

We have counseled many people. While not "professional" counselors, we are Marraige Mentors and Relationship Coaches. Trust me, a 3rd party can help so you understand not only your spouse better, but yourself.

The marriage falls into your hands. What will you do with it? :)

Answer 2

Not a lot of guys would suggest counseling - I'm impressed already! And to answer your question, just because two people love each other does not mean you are always going to get along. And if it takes counseling to learn a few tips and tricks, I say go for it. Remember, you are taking two people, with two different childhoods, two different sets of baggage, two different personalities with different strenghths and weaknesses and are saying - Ok now live in harmony forever. It's hard work!! I think you should go. definitely.. And yes, it can last if you take it seriously....we could ALL use a little therapy from time to time to help us get through the stumbling blocks. Did you ever read things about "how to communicate with your partner" Do you communicate the way you are supposed to? I don't think a lot of us do...being in a good and healthy relationship is not always easy and I think you should give you, your hubby and your marriage a break! Your expectations are a bit high!!! Good luck

Answer 3

If two people want to make their marriage work and seem to be having a hard time doing it a good counselor can be very helpful.

Finding a marriage counselor that you both feel comfortable with can be a little tricky. If you make an appointment and after the first visit either one of you does not feel good about that person, try a different one. If it takes three or four times, that's OK. You will never be helped by a counselor that you can't both have confidence in.

Once you find the right one, be honest...be willing to listen to your mate and the counselor... and be ready to make adjustments. Don't go in thinking it's all the other person's fault.

Answer 4

Married 11 years my husband and I went to counseling in the first year of our marriage. Having a 3rd person to talk to can help you see things from a different point of view. They can help you both to talk to each other differently(without name calling...etc) So yes counseling can help and is a good idea. My husband and I were fighting all the time over little and bigger things. It helped.....good luck

Answer 5

I have found in that when my husband and I argue about little things that there is always something bigger that has built up over time. Most of our arguments start out about one thing and then end up with the REAL things that are bugging us. I think that councelling will definitely help you two figure out what the REAL reason for your arguments are. I went to councelling with my husband a few years ago and it does help to have a "middle man" to keep you on track and help with resolutions.

Good luck, don't give up yet.

Answer 6

Counseling helps if you're open to it. You get out of it what you put into it.
It sounds like communication issues. Someone OTHER than the two of you can help you understand how you're currently communicating and where you can make small changes to make things better.
Sometimes when we're so involved in the small details, we lose sight of the big picture - and an outsider can help put things into perspective.

Answer 7

A counselor helped my marriage immensely. You have to do the things the therapists ask of you, They are not magicians. I have a great marriage now, but without counseling I'd probably be divorced. We were both willing to work on the advice of the counselor.

Answer 8

Yes if both of you are willing to try and make it work, a counselor can help you to learn better ways of communicating with each other.

I tried with my ex but he wasn't willing and so it failed. But both my hubby and I have learned what they teach in counseling through our jobs (we had to take what was called ISP skills). And it does help.

Answer 9

At least give counseling a try.

Or have you already made up your mind about this marriage, but cannot admit to yourself the truth about your intentions?

Good luck.

Answer 10

have a look at www.thework.com by Byron Katie lots of good information on this problem there