He has been separated for 6 years, and we've been dating for 3. I live with him now and moved from Louisiana up to Virginia to be with this man. I left everything I knew. I have asked him to please get his divorce while his wife is still in jail. Im terrified that she will come back when she gets out of jail. Please help.
2007-10-18 08:27:09 · 28 answers · asked by itsallgood215 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have talked about getting married, even gone as far as to look at places and look at rings. He has a very stable job working in a hospital laboritory. When I do bring it up, he says with the things that I want (car, puppy, to remodel the house) he wont have the money for a divorce. Its only 350 dollars. I tell him that I would rather have him to myself than have anything else. He knows it bothers me, and at one point said he would do it next pay check. But when that pay check came in, the money went to other expenses. I know he loves me, but he seems so blind to what matters to me.
2007-10-18 08:41:19 · update #1
She gets out at the end of the month. She went in for Cocaine and Meth production and distribution. Neither of us smoke, drink, or do any kind of drugs. I know 6 years is a long time to get a divorce, and Ive told him that I wil say no to his proposal if he has not gotten a divorce by then. Shes ******* looney. He gets letters from her just about every week. Im always home working out of the house, so I get the letters before he knows about it. It takes so much restraint not to open, read, and burn them. Ive already packed up her "stuff" (including curtains, shoes, clothes, pictures, and anything I can find that relates any kind of memory to her) up in a box and put it on the front door step with a note saying "Trash Please?" If she does come knocking on my door when she gets out, can I tel her to get the F*CK off my property? Neither of our (me or her) names are on the house title thing. And she was a bisexual stripper. I feel that I need to perform in bed better than her. HELP!
2007-10-18 08:53:02 · update #2
There are two children involved. But they are hers from a previous marraige. They live in Texas now with a foster family because she is an unfit mother. With my bf kicked her out he kicked the children out as well. We have no plans for children, as I can not stand the thought of being a mother. Im still way too young.
2007-10-18 08:56:23 · update #3
Katy he may be putting this on the back shelve as he is afraid of remarrying and things ending poorly again. Only way you'll truly find out what his reasoning is to have an honest discussion with him and see if indeed there are fears he has. Best of luck and I wouldn't worry to much about his ex. If indeed she does start to try and make problems he might just have to move with you back to your home state.
2007-10-18 08:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ooo, you maybe shouldn't have moved there before it was finalized... but what's done is done, so let's see..
I have a friend who was separated from her husband for three years before she could get him to sign the papers, he would freak out every time she mentioned it or brought them to him or whatever. Guys can be very touchy about this, as you have seen.
How long do you have til she gets out? I would recommend writing your bf a letter to leave on the counter or somewhere, since he won't let you comfortably bring it up in person. You need to fully explain your concerns to him and, I believe, tell him that if the divorce isn't finalized by the time she gets out, that you're going back to Louisiana. And I really think that you should if he hasn't. Do you know what she's in there for?? I'd be a little freaked out if I were you, she's going to come out of there with a HUGE chip on her shoulder and you sound like the most obvious target, assuming they were still together when she went down, or maybe even if not.
Be careful, sounds like you're treading on thin ice. Sounds like the beginning of a movie involving crimes of passion, I think you are maybe right in being terrified. Tell him you are gone if he hasn't gotten a divorce by the time she's out, for your own safety, and she also needs to be aware that he's been involved with someone else for three years so she doesn't harbor any hope of reconciliation, and so that he can judge her reaction. You might think about a restraining order if she reacts to it unpleasantly.
ADD:: you can get a divorce for cheaper than than, call around. Even if that is the cheapest you can find, don't let that be an excuse! Save up some cash on your own to throw in if you have to, to let him see that you're serious! If you come up to him and say "here, I've saved $100 toward your divorce," that will SHOW him how important it is to you, rather than you just telling him.
2007-10-18 15:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by wolfdancer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter WHY or HOW his wife got into jail. What matters is that you have CHOSEN to whore yourself with this man. Of course he gets agitated when you bring it up because he has no intentions of marrying you. Men don't usually marry (although they will talk about it to keep their whores happy), the women they cheat with. They play the game so they can keep on using the women as whores until they either get divorced or return to their wives. Once divorced they are free to pursue respectable, moral, self respecting women with values who won't whore themselves for a married man and will dump the whore they cheated on their marriage with. He is waiting for his wife to return...and using you.
2007-10-18 22:11:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat him down and talked to him and not told him what he better do? If you have not did that then I suggest you do that first.
It is a strong possibility that he is just not ready although he may have been with you for 3 years he is still hesistate about a divorce.
Is there children involved? If there is he might not be ready just for the sake of the children.
Talk to him.
2007-10-18 15:44:39 · answer #4 · answered by Blessed and Happy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any suggestions as t what I can say to help? I cannot think of anything positive to say to you about this situation.
From the brief set of facts that you provided, I worry that you are just his "good for now" girlfriend, and you will be replaced when his wife gets out of jail.
You really do deserve better than him. Don't settle.
Good luck.
2007-10-18 15:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. You have spent the last 3 years of your life with him, and left your old life behind. Enough is enough.
Either he gets a divorce (and thus chosing you) or you are out the door.
2007-10-18 15:31:33 · answer #6 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free? Perhaps he's feeling to pressured. 3 years is plenty of time to have finalized his divorce if he had wanted to. Since you have already given him an ultimatum my advice to you is to pack it up, live your own life and find someone who's unattached!
2007-10-18 15:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by Gabfest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might feel like you a pressuring him to get married by forcing the divorce. It could also be financial reasons but I dont know what your situation is like. Divorce does not come cheap.
2007-10-18 15:33:40 · answer #8 · answered by Islander 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where is the real father of those poor children? your guy is such a peach and i see lots of great things in your future with him and his lovely legally married wife. you are hanging on by a thread here, and it doesnt look good. for you.
cause one of these days a crazed bisexual legally married sripping methmouthed felon who will be freaking mad this guy callously gave her kids away and moved in some out of state stranger to be with him who had the bald nerve to pack up her stuff while she was rotting in prison IS gonna end up on your front porch.
let the good times roll
2007-10-18 17:12:50 · answer #9 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down! Tell him either he needs to divorce his wife or you're out the door. You deserve someone who wants to be committed to you (not you and another woman). Some men just want to have their cake and eat too. I know it might hurt, but at least if he stands his ground, you'll have your answer.
2007-10-18 15:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by reandsmom77 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋