Men what do you think of a woman (spouse) that is not the best at finances and sometimes goes overdrawn?

Question

Do you look down on her, do you respcet her less? Does she look like she's not a strong person to you? What are you thinking if you see a person like this that has a hard time saving money, and sometimes finds herself going into the negative on her bank account? Would this make you not want to be with her?

What's your overall opinion of this kind of person?

Answer 1

My husband's the one with the money problems... I save money like crazy, and he spends it as soon as he gets it.

--not that you're making it a gender issue--

There's no reason to look down on him or her... I mean, it could be something that they were not taught...most people get their idea of money saving and spending from their parents. Are their parents good with money? Did they give her anything she wanted when she asked for it, or did she have to work for it? ...I mean, we had most anything we wanted, but we had to earn it by doing chores...and we also understood that we didn't need the most expensive stuff out there. If the person's parents didn't teach them how to deal with money, they may have money issues...or if their parents saved money like crazy, they may have resented not having what they wanted, and now want everything.

I don't know about the strength issue... I mean, we all have strengths and weaknesses... just because she has problems saving money doesn't make her a weak person. I mean, there has to be something that you feel you may not do well, but do you think that makes you a weak person?

Is the person constantly overdrawn? or is it a once every three months thing (...any amount of being overdrawn is unnecessary unless you can't pay your bills and aren't spending money on anything else other than food and shelter...this is the first year my husband and I have made more than $14,000 a year [poor college students-ha]...and we weren't constantly overdrawn, but there were times, unnecessarily, when we were.)

One thing my husband and I have done is sat down together and written out a budget.

Are you married to the person? ...there should have been indicators letting you know that she wasn't good with money. Shopping habits, always borrowing money from parents, friends, or you. And, of course, the indicators are easily missed if you don't know what to look for, or if you don't know where the money is coming from (...if you don't know her parents are giving her money, that she's started using a 5th credit card, etc...). ...that was all to answer the last question, "would this make you not want to be with her" ...if you saw the indicators before and had a hint, or knew, about the problem, then it shouldn't have any effect on whether or not you want to be with her... the issue should have been addressed and resolved before you were married, and if you couldn't come to an agreement on the finances, then maybe waited ...or, not gotten married at all. But we all find out what should have been resolved before the marriage, you know, after three years of marriage and not talking about the problems...hindsight's 20/20 ...and if you didn't know at all, didn't have any clue whatsoever, that shouldn't make you change your mind about being with the person, unless you talk about it and the issue cannot be resolved. The best thing to do would be to talk with her about it, sit down and talk about the finances...of course financial problems are one of the main problems with couples... so, if it's so much of a problem that you want to break up/divorce the person over it, then you should talk to a financial counselor. If there are other problems, you may want to talk to a marriage/relationship counselor that specializes in financial planning.

Before you start thinking the person is weak and does not deserve respect, remember that there probably was a time when you did respect them and thought of them as a stronger person. Talk to them, and help them understand the importance of saving money-or at least not spending more than they have. Tell them why you think it is important t save money and be financially responsible. Let them explain to you what may be causing the overspending.

Some women feel abandoned by husbands/boyfriends who work all the time, or aren't home "often enough"... or they may not feel appreciated...or there is some other void in their life, and to make up for the lack of appreciation, affection, or whatever the void is they feel they need to fill, they spend money...thinking buying things will make up for what they are lacking in their life... and it doesn't; or it does for a little while, then the new stuff becomes old, and they want something else because that didn't work... so they find something else to fill the void for another week until that becomes old, too.

Or, it could just be as simple as they like expensive things and want the "best"...and end up living above their means... It could be a sensitive issue, but, you may want to talk about her taking some classes and getting a higher degree than she already has. If she has a bachelor degree, see about and online masters program, and see about a business or career that would interest her.... if she likes buying accessories for the house, maybe she should try interior decorating... or if she likes buying clothes and accessories, maybe she should look into buying for a department store (...that would probably take way more time than interior decorating because those jobs are few, and there are many "capable" people... I put capable in quotations, because I don't always agree with the stuff the stores stock...) Or, open up her own shop... Of course, buying for your own business can cause LOTS of problems too... so, come up with a financial plan for the business. If her credit is bad, then you can put your name on the business, and only you could approve purchases. ...yeah, well, there's lots of options... you'll have to find out what works for you two...

But, first, talk to her about the problem, and if need be, talk to a financial and/or marriage counselor.

Answer 2

Your wife is a compulsory spender. She is not a responsible person with money. People like this need professional help. If I were you, first thing I would do is take away all her credit cards and cut them up. Second she would only can an allowance for the week and that would be all she would get. You should be the one doing all the shopping and paying of bills, basically you should be in charge of finances. In the meantime get her some help and find out why she is like that.
Good Luck

Answer 3

This is not a weakness, she never learned the value of money and how to handle it.... parent's fault. It has nothing to do with her strengths or weaknesses - we all have faults.

Just double check her checkbook or consider an allowance.

Better yet..... teach her how to manage her finances and checkbook. Do what her parent's never did.

If you are considering marrying her I would find out about credit card debt because you could assume this debt upon marriage or have a prenup drawn up stating that you will not assume her debt.

My hubby and I (after 21 yrs. of marriage) still have separate bank accounts, no joint accounts at all. We have an agreement on who pays what bills. It works well for us.

Answer 4

NO , You Don 't look down on her ! YOU DON"T respect her any less . I'm Not YOU , BUT , If I were you , I would sit down with her and show her how to manage her Account so she doesn't go into the red ,and show her how to balance things out to where she has more in both Accounts . It 's CALLED a Marriage because the two of you are NOW ONE !! Remember , FOR BETTER OR WORSE ! THE 2 of YOU can WORK this OUT ! THAT IS , If YOU REALLY LOVE HER !IF you do , then be A MAN ,and Help HER !

Answer 5

Some people have that problem all the time to the point that the overdraft charges set by banks was to be investigated by congress at one time. I would go to microsoft quickbooks where I believe you can get a book keeping system free for home use and teach her how to use it. Keeping a balanced budget for some is very hard and not something that is taught in school but it can be learned easily enough and the problem solved.

Answer 6

Any person that can't manage they're finances is a problem! Some one who can't do this on a daily basis is more of a problem!
And a spose who does this is irresponsible and childish. Take control of the situation, And what ever you do make sure she's not bouncing checks on a joint account, This could spell disaster for your credit rating. If she can't adjust her thinking, make sure she has a private account and your not on it or responsible for it, Bouncing checks is bank fraud and she can end up doing some jail time for it!

Answer 7

If i were a man I think it would depend on the situation. I know a girl who is always in the negative because she "had to have that pair of shoes" or had to buy the now season of clothing. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that it would drive me nuts. but if the girl was in a situation where she had the money to pay all most of her bills, i worked two jobs and went to school to make her life better then its a little different.

Answer 8

You know my wife?LOL

If it were really bad it could be a problem over the long run. If the person were just not good with money and willing to do a work around then the partner who is good with money should be agreed on to handle the money.

Remember that one of the advantages to long term relationships in that our strengths complement and cover for each others weaknesses. Everyone has strong points and everyone has weak points.

Answer 9

I seem to be in a similar situation and it is a big strain on our marriage. It has not gotten to the point where we have a large debt, but if it did it might be the breaking point. My wife is a beautiful woman and I love her but it is so very frustrating that at the end of the month we have no money left, and we make enough so we should.

Answer 10

I don't look down on my spouse for a mistake she makes financially But I do however take away her check book put her on an allowance and pay the bills myself. Then I try to educate her about her finances. After I have taught her I give the checkbook back and monitor her to make sure she GETS IT. You are strong where your wife is weak and vise versa.You work with her to teach her. If something happens to you You want to make sure she could handle things on her own.