I have a problem with my husband?????

Question

He thinks that he owns me and my belongings.He yells and screams when i let MY family borrow MY car that I paid for with MY income tax check.I am always doing something wrong and i dont understand what it is.Is there anything that I can do.I love him so much,but his yelling and screaming and fussing hurts me so bad....Suggestions??

I work 36 hrs a wk. take care of our 1 yr old son clean house (we live with my parents) and try to keep our room clean.but i go to bed around 11pm and im up by 530am ready for the next day..i know that it would be easier if we had our own house and i love him to death but its just so hard...cuz hes always working out of town.hes in the oilfield biz.

He can trust me..i dont cheat and i will take that to the grave...its hard for me to trust him,when i was 6 months preg. he had an affair..i trust him alot more than i used to about that.cuz now i keep a close eye on him...

we've been married almost 2 yrs...he didnt start this crap until a few months ago..he used to be so perfect,,,no yelling or arguing,now thats all we do.

is it wrong to still love a man u've known for 4 yrs and been 2gether for 3 that is a real pain in the ***??

the reason i said "MY" is because his half of the income check went to back child support and mine went to a car that i really needed.he wanted nothing to do with it even after i told him of my plans to get his approval...

i understand the sharing part.but he told me that he doesnt want anything to do with it that i could have it..title is in my name....he makes 2100 a month.1600 after child support is taken out and when he works outa town he gets 100 for each night he spends. i bring home 800 dollars a month.there has been times that he has brought home 3200 a month he pays most bills but that is taken care of in 1 800 check.i have to pay the sitter,gas,ins,this takes most of my check.i still need money to run on.he keeps all but 100 after he pays the bills and that goes to our son for his needs and whats left i use for me if he doesnt give me an xtra 50.so he is still with 2000 dollars and i got crap and he blows his on whatever he wants!!!

Answer 1

Well, the money and posessions,a nd controling issues are NOT the REAL problem or issues.

It is definately a lot of unresolved hurt issues. It sounds like many expectations have been unmet and crushed.

Also, you mentioned "MY" this and "MY" that. Why? That is completely unhealthy for a married couple to have "seprate" items of posession and finances.

Due to just that fact, it is very apparent that there is a huge lack of closeness and intimate relationship between you.

It sounds like you two are living two separate lives under the same roof. THAT is your main issue, not a controlling issue, or the fact that you are acting like a little girl when you are saying "MY". Remember the sanbox kids, "mine! mine! mine!" And he is acting like a ranting boy by yelling and screaming! Same sandbox! :)

But, believe it or not, yelling is a much better sign than apathy and silence! So be encouraged. The more two love each other, the more intense the arguements tend to be.

Reignite the friendship that brought you two togehter. Merge your finances into one. Your famly is secondary to your marriage and husband. You may even have inadvertantly put your family above him in importance. Only you two would know that.

Point is, is that you two need to get back together as being a loving couple once more. The controlling on his part and selfishness on your part will melt in the face of vulnerable open and honest love. Make your marraige spark again. Go for it!

Answer 2

Get some counseling to see why you got into a relationship with someone that is so controlling. you may feel love for him but that is the love that, for example, a dog still feels for the person who kicks him. There is someone else out here that you can learn to love who will love you in return and not just want someone they can control. Remember that if he loved you in return he would not be this way so obviously he does not love you but the control he has over you. Life is too short for that!!

Answer 3

I would try marriage counseling, but if he refuses or has already refused to do that...Well then I would move on. It is up to him to realize what he is doing and to fix it. Some people are set in there ways and nobody can change it. The question you should ask yourself is: Do I really want this kind of marriage for the rest of my life?

Answer 4

marriage can't be a one way street, you love him, trust him but he doesn't trust you or respect you...he hurts you..makes you feel bad that is, so you think it is going to improve over time?? NO it never does. It will only get worse. I can't tell you to leave, that is something only you can decide in your own heart, but ask yourself how long you can bare that mistrust and control and how bad does it have to get before you lose yourself?

Answer 5

My wife and I have a house and 3 cars. They are OURS. There seems to be too much selfishness on both sides in your marriage. Marriage is more about sharing than possessing.

Answer 6

Girl, you shouldn't let anyone treat you like that! Tell him what you think, and how you feel...and if he doesn't change, you know you deserve better! But, you can only do what you feel is right.

Answer 7

He doesn't own you... so therefore, you guys are equals. Tell him you will not tolerate him anymore if he can't treat you with respect. Sounds like he doesn't even respect himself.

Answer 8

talk to him about how you feel. marriage is about cummunication. and he is doing it the wrong way. if you love him as much as you love him then he will be willing to change a little for you.

Answer 9

Can you get rid of him
before he hurts you
please

Answer 10

Have you tried counseling? Telling him how he is making you feel.