In love with a friend, she is Asian Indian, need help!?

Question

I am an american boy who is hopelessly in love with a friend that is an Asian Indian girl who was raised here(US) at a young age. She has strict parents and brothers. They won't allow her to date nor let her be seen with a boy. We are both in our early 20s, and have known each other for a year now. We are very close friends and coworkers. We have this "secret friendship" that her family members don't know about nor do our coworkers. She won't talk to me on the phone at home, we IM each other almot every night and text each other. I told her my feelings a couple of months ago and told me she doesn't feel the same way, but we still continue to be close friends. We once talked about the issue of marriage in her culture, which is arranged marriage. She told me she would consider marrying a friend(she doesn't have other friends). My problem is if I should continue my friendship with this girl, yet I really do not want to end it because she is special to me Would she marry a stranger vs me?

Answer 1

According to what you say in your question, she would only marry you if #1 - Her parents arranged the marriage with your parents, and the whole point of an arranged marriage is to obtain a suitable and acceptable mate for your child - and her parents do NOT see you as that mate. Or #2 - she would have to elope with you and thus alienate her family for the rest of her life, and what a price that would be for her!

A very dear friend of mine is Indian (Asian) by birth and so is her husband. They met at the University and fell in love. The problem is that they were from different castes (read about castes here http://www.csuchico.edu/~cheinz/syllabi/asst001/spring98/india.htm )
and her parents would have forbidden a marriage between the two. They finished school and left both families and lives behind in India to come to America, be married and raise a family. The price they paid? Neither family will acknowledge them, let alone their marriage. My friend, Gita, says her parents have told everyone back home in India that she is dead because the shame of marrying someone outside of their caste is greater than the pain of the loss of a child.

So, consider what you are asking of this girl. To be with you, she will have to convince her family to change their thousands-of-years-old cultural beliefs, or she will have to be disowned and disgraced.

I feel for you, I do.

Answer 2

you really are a good guy... how sweet... well... culture is culture.. .if she is as strict as her parents, then i think it's best to say that she will probably lean that way... however... if you show her what the life she could live would be if she were with you for just one day... [grocery shopping, cooking dinner at home, watch a movie] i mean...not like a date... but stuff you would usually do if you two were married [pick out furniture etc.] then she can see what you have in store for her... let her ponder on that and hope that she can follow her heart...

but then again... you said she doesn't have the same feeling towards you... and you can't force someone to love you...

so in this situation.. i say its best to let it go... sorry!

Answer 3

That depends onhow much you love each other. Now a days, there are many kinds of relationship; the majority citizens in society are dating someone other than their own race, plus there are so many people out there who has more than one nationality and/or race. my point is if you love each other enough to spend the rest of your life together- than nobody can separate your love.