If this was you what would you do?

Question

If you would be in a marrige for sometime with kids. You come to realize that the person you've been married makes you feel like a nobofy. Likes to argue allot with the oldest kid, just because he is the parent and he (spouse) thinks everything he says is right. Trys to pick out your clothes when you go shopping. Reads your diary.
Now after all this would you still have the same feeling for him? And if you didn't what would you do?

If talking with your spouce doesn't make things any easier (arguments). Or just standing up for your child. Now if your spouce tells you he she is superior to you then what?

Answer 1

Bury him in an undisclosed location.

Answer 2

It would make me feel not so good about him, but nevertheless I wouldn't leave and mostly for the sake of children. He is really not doing anything that merits divorce unless he is fooling around. As a family you need to discuss what is bothering each of you and how to resolve it, but this should be a time set aside for this. My parents had 3 kids and each Friday night we had "gripe" night. That is what I would call it. We were suppose to be in by 8 and discuss whatever problems we had, whether it was with each other or school or friends or what ever. Then we would discuss a solution. After the 30 or so minute discussion we would sit down and watch a movie together as a family, eat and talk at the same time.

Answer 3

People treat you how you let them. Simply tell your husband you are tired of being his doormat, do not do this in a defensive manner, but use the words "I feel" to clarify the situation. Tell him you love him with all your heart, but you are a living, breathing human being with feelings and ideas just as he has and you deserve respect. Tell him it's time he grew up and started acting like a husband and a father, to quit picking fights with your children and act like a grown up for a change.
Give him one month and tell him you are not living this way any longer....that things have to change or you are moving on. If that doesn't work, I suggest taking sometime apart. Actions speak louder than words and if he loves you and sees that he is ruining your relationship he will straighten up and treat you with respect. Just remember if you decide to separate you have to be strong enough for the consequences.........never getting back together being the worst or just the time you'll be spending apart and being alone.
If talking to him seems to do no good...write him a letter and pour your heart into it. Sometimes this works even better.
You have some choices here...either stay as things are and be forever miserable, discuss your issues and try to work through them, or leave and hope for the best. There really is no other answer. Good luck!!!!

Answer 4

You can't change him. You CAN change "you".

I recommend stepping up to the plate of maturity, stop complaining and whining, and start to creatively learn to communicate in a way that he can recieve.

Don't start congregating other's who are bitter about their husbands. You will only fuel the fire which will burn YOUR behind as well as your husband's, your children, and your family.

So, get crackin on ways to effectively communicate exactly what is being said to make you feel the way you are feeling.

Many times, a spouse will unknowingly say things that hurts the other spouse, but the other spouse never says anything about it; therefore condoning and keeping the verbage continual.

By all means, hire a babysitter, and just the two of you get out of the house. Have a one on one in an comfortable, relaxing place; whether a restaurant, or in your car by some water.

Explain, without anger, blame or resentment, how his words and actions are making you feel. "when you ___, it makes me feel ____, and it would make me feel _____ if you would _______."

Reading your diary. Why are you having a secret diary? It is an unhealthy behavior to "hide" anything from either spouse. You only give display that there are hidden things, and give way to suspicion. Did you know that? You may only be talking about how beautiful the birds sang in the morning through the rays of the sunlight, but as a wife, you are sabatoging your relationship by having a "diary". Nothing between the both of you should EVER be kept from the other!

Try small steps to make things better. Your children and marraige are depending on you.

Answer 5

Nobody has the power to make you feel like a nobody unless you give it to them. Give your oldest child some tips on how not to argue. If you don't know any, then talk with a counselor, even a school counselor can help. Don't take your husband shopping with you. Hide your diary, even if you have to hide it in a bank safety vault. And after you have changed the way you handle things with him and he is still the obsessive jerk....and you still don't have the same feeling for him....there is always divorce. Some marriages are irreparable and you should not have to live life in misery; nor should your children.

Answer 6

I would not feel the same. I would not feel good about this person. I would not want to be with this person.

No one has the right to make anyone else feel bad about themselves!

I would talk to him and suggest relationship therapy/counselling explain that I wanted to make it work but I didn't know if it was possible. My plan B would be leaving.

Edit after further details 1:
I would put plan B into action. Find somewhere safe for me and my child to stay and get a good lawyer.

Answer 7

This man is a controller. I bet he is always putting you down so you feel worthless. I'm right, aren't I. This man has no respect for you or the children and has no right to read your diary. He will not change. he will only get worse. You are a individual and deserve respect and if he has no respect for you then he doesn't have love for you.
I know this type, well. I was married to one. I finally decided, I deserved better than this and I took our child and left him. His second wife left him too. I have no more stress and am really happy now.
My advise, make the break before its too late and regain your self-respect and your life.

Answer 8

I suggest counseling. It would help you figure out exactly what you feel and how to approach your husband about the situation. Then maybe couples counseling to help the two of you talk and understand each others points of view. Your feelings may have changed but that doesn't mean they are gone and things can't get better, but you need to decide how you feel first.
I would also suggest carrying your diary with you, leaving it in you car, or in a locker at work. They are your private thoughts and you should decide who to share them with. For someone to just go through them is very disrespectful.
Good Luck.

*Edit*
The second thing you posted sounds like my home situation used to be. I was the child my father yelled at for everything and anything. My mom stood up for me and then my father got worse. My mom went to counseling and tried to fix things. My mom wanted resolve and my father's attitude was it's my way or there's hell to pay. My mom went back and forth on whether to divorce him or not, until one day she realized she had her fill and was not going to live like that anymore. My parents are now divorced, it was ugly, but the peace that came with it was worth it. I suggest reading Too Good to Leave Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's a step by step guide to help you decide whether to stay in or get out of your relationship. It helped my mom.

Answer 9

Seems as though you are afraid of your husband. Why? No one can make you feel like a nobody except yourself. What is going on for YOU? Maybe you need to seek some outside help for you and maybe for both of you. You are allowing this behavior, stick up for yourself and seek ways of feeling good about YOU. Until you seek outside help, leaving the marriage is not the answer, you have children, you need to be a good example, don't give up until you have exhausted all resources.

Answer 10

First I would sit down and calmly explain why you have problems with his behavior. He may not realize that the things he does bothers you so bad.

I would also suggest seeing a marriage counselor to attempt to salvage your marriage.

Don't stay in a marriage (For the Children), but don't give up on a marriage until you know it is not fixable.

Answer 11

What you are describing is psychological abuse. If you have confronted him on this and tried to go for counseling, then you have very few options. I would make plans for getting out of there. Be very secretive about it until you are ready, because with someone this controlling, he may become violent. There are agencies out there that can help you get on your feet. I suggest you begin your research today. Good luck.