People say "You must Love yourself, BEFORE you can give Love to another" I ask. How so?

Question

There are of course the obvious reasons. The aspect that I'm curious to know is this. 3 years ago, I had a family consisting of 5, married to a Lady I love, 3 beautiful children overflowing with love. As with anyone, we had good times, and bad. Anyhow, not the point. Point is...she gave up, answered an email about "make money working @ home with Ebay". A sales rep responded & called her. Well..they built enough of a relationship over the phone & net, that 2weeks after I found letters & lingere' he sent to her..she left. Married for 12 years, believing in Love, marriage (even more important..promises to each other & our children we brought into this world together) every part of me 100% NEVER believed either one of us would EVER cheat-leave-give up..etc. Well..I nearly lost my entirety..sinking into a DEEP depression..one that landed me in the hospital. Anyhow..even 3yrs later, its hard to grasp our family divided. Several times being told this(my ?)when feeling lost & lonely. Y?

Answer 1

Very simply, if you dont like yourself, how on earth are you able to like anyone else?
It may be hard to grasp, but only YOU are able to accept and move on. She left. It was HER decision. Are you resigned to allow that to rule YOUR life and WHO you are?
Perhaps something was lacking for her. But that's neither here nor there. It's over....done....kaput......She did you a favor, by leaving while you're young and strong, rather than old and sickly. Cherish YOURSELF, and your children!

Answer 2

Sometimes when people are seemingly happy, they are putting on a false front. Apparently if your wife left her husband and children (which I could never understand) she must have not felt this is the life for her. I personally think its a selfish person that can bring a child into the world and then just leave, but people do it daily. I think the quote people say in your question is refereeing to the fact that if you can't find happiness alone then you will never be happy with someone else. I have been alone with children before and told this same thing. Sometimes we date or get into relationships because we don't know what it is like to be alone. Alone is where you find yourself minus the wife you once had. You have been married 12 years, your not your own person anymore your 1/2 of the whole unit. Rediscover yourself, you can't explain the past sometimes you just gotta move on and forget about it.

Answer 3

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad and I can understand what a shock it has been to you for all this that happened after so many years of marriage. In a marriage sometimes what one partner sees it to be the other partner sees it totally different. Feelings and attitudes change slowly and the partner that finds themselves in this situation will most always keep these feelings secret and even feel confused and question as to why they feel this way. It could be your wife hide her unhappiness so well they she was able to even hide it from you. People who are happily married do not just one day get up and leave for no reason. I know you are still hurting over all of this and the confusion of it all is what is making it even harder for you to cope with this. Maybe one day you can sit down and ask your ex-wife (without anger) as to the reasons she was so unhappy that she left. Do this only to help you find closure. You will feel better one day and some lucky lady will love you the way you want to be loved. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Sorry...
Allot of times we think that one is happy in a relationship when the other isn't. But it's more devastating to find out that the other (spouse) has taken a different direction. But we are human, many times we feel hurt at the fact of being involved in a situation that one thought was sparkling but deep down the other one was in another world. I must say you got the best of it... three beautiful kids. Now you must look forward to provide them with the best memory's even if she (wife) is not w/ you. It's hard and confusing making you track back on what part of you failed, but you didn't she did. (Temptation) Brush your tears away and look forward to living and having good things come your way. We never know what the future holds for us, but except it and keep looking forward. Over all your love speaks loud. One thing I know that loving is better than never loving at all. This "lady" you will always have in your life no matter what.
Life isn't over.

Answer 5

First, I am really sorry this happened to you, this is something we all dred happening to us.
The reality is that you can't make someone love you and even if you feel that there was nothing wrong before this happened, your probably not being honest with yourself..
By loving yourself this shines through to the people around you, saying I am confident, and can do for myself and others without expectations to some extent. This is an attractive notion to anyone. But more so by loving yourself, you are then in a good state of mind to love the others in your life, wether it be children or wife.
I too was in a relations ship that I thought was going along just fine then hurtfuly come to the realization that I was only loving him and not me.. Once i figured this out, I left because he was toxic to my loving me.
If this really is the end and there is no going back, in the future always keep yourself on the front burner and that will radiate to the world.
Hope all works out in your favor, be true to YOU first, before you expect other to be true to you.

Answer 6

First of all, that saying is a bunch of garbage.

I know plenty of narcissists who love themselves PLENTY - and they don't know diddly from dumbsquat about loving others. That saying is new age, feel good, double speak for self-indulgence.

You ended up with a flaky woman who, for whatever reason, wasn't capable of a committed relationship. She wasn't a stable person, and I'm willing to bet over the years you saw that in her personality, but refused to acknowledge it, or made excuses for it.

I wish I could say that I know how you feel, but I've never had anything close to this happen to me. My first marriage failed because I manipulated the situation and married for all the wrong reasons - or were they all the right reasons but I chose the wrong man and the wrong time? OH, well, doesn't matter. I remember feeling so depressed and like such a failure... and I imagined every horrible way I could to "get even", but the truth is, I was responsible in the long run for making bad choices. And I was lucky I figured this one out, instead of going on for years blaming him when it really was my responsibility to myself to make better choices. I came to understand that the best revenge of all would be to live my life well.

I think in the long run, men take these relationship failures harder than women when they are the ones dumped. I am truly sorry that you got so depressed over this, but you need to be stronger for your children's sakes. I can tell you it could have been much, much worse for you. And the really sad thing is, she will probably fail at this marriage as well. What kind of example is she setting for your children!?

No more lies to yourself about what kind of relationship you had. No more dwelling on her inability to commit to a relationship. Be the man for your children. They still need you.

Answer 7

At the end of the day, no matter who you are, only you are responsible for your happiness. You could have had a lot of different feelings about your ex wife leaving. The one you choose was extreme #1. Not caring at all would be extreme #2. Most people fall somewhere in the middle. My point is, how you viewed your relationship was entirely up to you. How you view what happened to your relationship ending is also 100% up to you. My ex did some really crazy thing too. Things that hurt a lot. In the end I decided that people make all sorts of choices for themselves and sometimes they hurt those the love them the most. I was not in control of her, only how I react. I decided to move on and be happy with whatever live tosses my way.

Answer 8

You have to love your self, because if not you'll try to be something that your not. Like when people try to impress on the first date. If you don't love your self for who you are then, you are starting out the relationship with a lie. This might lead to you wanting something more in you love life. She must of been looking for the next best thing.I think that your marriage was missing something. Maybe you should do a little sole searching for your self.
God has a plan for you, and he planned for you to get married and have your beautiful children, you are blessed. Think positive. God bless you, and you future.

Answer 9

Some of those little quickie fixes just slay me. You have had a major blow in life and it takes more than cutesy sayings to get over it. Those things happen to alot of people, it's called life, and life on life's terms is what we have to learn to be able to live through them all and still be in one piece. I use alot of sayings and philosophy to get me through. Some are religious and some are just cutesy, but the point is, it is a long process and not an overnight healing of our feelings. I had a divorce years ago, I filed, but he did the pushing for it, he just was a chicken and didn't want to take responsibility. Some things are clearer in retrospect, and some I will probably never know. Knowing that others have been there helps to some extent, I have been told I need to marry again, but I promised myself if I got out of that mess I would not do that again...Guess what, it is easier to keep a promise to myself than it is to expect someone else to keep a promise to me. ....... I am also a psych nurse among other things, I am not working in psych at the moment but it helps to keep me sane. If you want to email me you may. I may be of some assitance to you.

Answer 10

First of all, its impossible for not a single person to love you. Well.. unless your a serial child murderer.. lol. No matter who you are, someone out there loves you. The key to loving yourself is finding that one person.. (or two of three =) Have them tell you all the good qualities about you that they've noticed. Even if its one or two, its always something REALLY good. People are the best at reading other people =) Question.. how did you get your 'e's' like that in your name?? Thats awesome! lol

Answer 11

You have to trust in your self and make a place there for love because you can give. In a relationship you have to look for everything because you can give your lover your heart and they will still broke it. i know that there is still more room for some one else. Please ask god to deliver you in the right way that you can put that feel aside and focus on your children. I know that one day to come your wife is going to regard hurting her family and her husband for a other man. If she want to talk to you give her that chance to talk only but nothing else , think that will help a little to heal your pain. Try to live your life the best way you can , your wife was in your life to take up space. She was not the right one for you. I know that a genarous one is rigt around the corner for you. If you ever feel like talking you can email me at [e-mail]