Do most people know NOT to ask questions regarding a tragedy?

Question

that happened years ago within your family????...because i still have people that come up to me in the store and ask stuff...that is none of their business to know...I am forever saying.."I've had to let go".."That was a painful time"...geez, "I do not remember"....do you think most people would get that??? (also what do you think they are trying to do?) In other words why would someone be sooo insensitive to ASK ABOUT personal stuff?...What to say the next time???

Answer 1

All this inquisitiveness might be due to how you answer the constant questions.
You're right to come here. The best way to deal with these kinds of things is to be as blunt as is needed to get the message across that you don't need to be asked all this, 24/7.

Some people think that whoever suffers a tragedy, doesn't know how to deal with it, thinking you're most likely bottling it all up. This may not be the case and you are most likely dealing with these issues in your own way.
In this case, just let them know that you appreciate their concern, but this is something that you need to deal with without any form of outside interference.

Answer 2

I think we Americans are over-fascinated with tragedy and death. here in Chicago, we have major accidents every morning on the Ryan Expwy. The newscasters call it a Gapers Delay because everybody slows down to stare.

I'm not sure why this is, but Americans LOVE tragedy, otherwise our news shows, newspapers and magazines wouldn't be full of it.

Answer 3

Maybe they think you're one of those people who feel better when you 'open up' about what happened to you, and they think that by giving you that opportunity, they're actually being helpful. Or maybe they just have some type of weird morbid curiosity about it. Either way, they probably don't realize how insensitive they're being. You're clearly not obligated to talk about anything that you find uncomfortable, but some people cant, or refuse to take hints, so you're just going to have to be straight forward with them. That doesnt mean you have to be rude though, just say "I'm not ready to talk about that right now" or "I don't really feel comfortable discussing that information, no offense." or even, "My family asked me not to discuss that with anyone and I can't go against their wishes." If you're someone who hates being rude or forward to people (I can understand if you are, I'm the same way), you can say something to the effect of "I really appreciate the fact that you care so much to ask, but I'm just not ready to talk about that yet, thanks for worrying though, when I'm ready to open up about it I'll call you" (That doesnt mean you ever have to call them, or tell them anything you dont want to, but it'll get them off your back without you having to be so forward, and they wont take it personally that you dont feel like discussing anything with them at that point in time.)

I'm like you, I don't want to open up about my personal stuff to every Tom,Dick, and Harry that comes up and asks about it, ESPECIALLY not in person. If I really need to talk about something I'll do it online, either with my online friends, or a support group or something like that. It's easier for me to talk about things when I dont have to look the person in the eyes, or worry about them staring at me, and it's easier for me to do it anonymously.

Answer 4

"I'll talk about it when and if I'm ever ready to."
"Constant questioning doesn't help."
"Thank you so much for helping to keep the wound open."
"We'd deal with it much better if people didn't keep asking us about it."
"We haven't really had time to deal with it. Everyone keeps harassing us about it."

my sympathies, by the way.

Answer 5

well maybe they juss want to knoe how u are holding up with things.