My guy and his mom?

Question

My guy and his mom don't really get along. She is controlling and sorta mean so I understand that he refuses to take alot of the things she says, because he is 32 and does not need to answer to her anymore. Well, he and her started arguing over the phone one day as he wanted to bring me over for dinner and she wouldn't have it because she does not want to me now and he cursed at her, calling her B*** an idiot - you name it! I mean no matter how mad I could get w/ my mother, I would NEVER go there!! Are you kidding!? She'd get on the first plane out here and END my life!! LOL - But for reals, I told him to chill out and don't EVER be disrespectful like that again and hang up on her if it gets THAT bad. It is better then calling your own mom and a$$hole isn't it?? He said I was siding w/her. I mean he's 32, makes me wonder how it will be when we get married as we plan to within a year. Can you tell how a man is by he way he treats his mother? (mind you he has no sisters only a lil bro).

Answer 1

Well, he's only showing you how he's been brought up.
If he were taught that people don't speak like that to their parents, then he wouldn't.
You did the right thing, now don't dump him because of her!
She gets what she sowed!
The only thing is that you make clear what the rules are in YOUR house and what you want for your own children.
Make sure you both are clear about that.
Apart from that, what can you do, if he's 32, it'd be a bit late to teach him how to talk to his mum!
Just make sure he knows that he's not doing it with you or your children.
xxx

Answer 2

Well I can tell you this that if he is brave enough to speak to his mother like this then he will be brave enough to call you the same names out of anger and I am sure you both will have some arguements when and if you marry. If he does not have to answer to anyone as you say then why would he need to call his mother names? This is the question you should ask your self. He is after all 32 years old and should be mature enough by now to not worry about what she says or does not say. It really should not bother him. She is his mother and he should show respect no matter what.
There are certainly more mature ways to put your mother in her place without calling her names.
I would say you certainly can tell how your man will be in the future by the way he treats his mother. When you first get married this may not be the case but after being married for a while I am sure at the first arguement he will call you names just like he has done with his mother. Sorry to say but true! If he cannot respect his own mother then how do you expect him to show respect to you?

Answer 3

Hi,
In general I have to agree with those that have already responded to your question.

I have a 34 year old son and to be honest I would react the same way you say your mother would. He'd be drawing his last breath....

On the other hand, I have enough of a challenge running my life; I don't think I'd be interested (or have the energy) to try to control his. I raised him to know I love him and will always be there if needed, but with the skills to run his own life.

If you see her relationship with him as controlling and sorta mean, perhaps you need to sit down and talk to him before making any firm decision.

He wanted to bring you there for dinner and she wouldn't have it. That may be the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm not advocating disrespect for your mother. There are however circumstances that may have contributed to his feelings. Talk to him and find out before you cross a bridge that you may regret.

I don't think you would want to be with a man that would be controlled by his mother, especially if it meant he would be under her thumb your entire married life.

Being a Mother should be loving, nurturing and preparing your child for life, their own lives, unfortunately not all mothers see it that way.

Your's did. His may not have taken that view, there are some parents (mothers and fathers) that see their children only as possessions to be used and controlled.

If you have been with him long enough to have become engaged, I would think that this is not a normal response or you would not have considered let alone decided to marry him. Please talk to him (and maybe the "lil bro" too).

Good Luck

Answer 4

You are correct. Watch the way a man treats, acts toward and speaks to his mother because this is exactly the way he will be with his wife. It's as simple as that. You cannot marry this person. At least not in his present condition. He needs counseling and to learn the art of communication. Watch how he treats wait staff, valets and other people such as coworkers. If he talks negatively about or to them in a hurtful way this is how you will be treated. Mind, there is a difference between complaining about daily coworkers and their annoying habits and being down right mean spirited and boorish. But this man isn't a kind person. People can act any way they please for even years before you see their true colors. The fact that he argued with you about his mother, no matter how horrible she may actually be, speaks volumes. Proceed with caution.

Answer 5

Yes, you can tell how a man is by the way he treats his mother.

You can also tell how he is by the way he treats children and the elderly. Another way is to observe him while he's doing a frustrating task. Does he get angry, or does he have patience?

Your boyfriend should be treating his mother with honor and respect whether she deserves it or not. He is doing neither. It's only a matter of time before he starts treating you the same way. Your instincts are serving you well --- listen to them.

Answer 6

I remember there is a saying about how you can tell how a guy will treat you by looking at how he treats his mother. Obviously there are exceptions to that rule. The cursing is ridiculous though, I agree. Maybe there is some underlining reason he has lost respect for his mother? Try talking to him about it..he might not realize how rude he is being?

Answer 7

People usually say that "a good man who usually treats his mother with the upmost respect & has a good relationship with her will make a good husband".

It all depends....It's not always like that. I know a guy who loves & gets a long with his mother, but treats his girlfriend like crap. So, don't base your relationship & your future on the relationship he has with his mom. The important thing is that he treats YOU with respect & loves YOU....you will need to look at his point of view. Take his mom's attitude into consideration. She doesn't respect him either. But, try not to let their relationship get in the way of your's.

Answer 8

im young but i seen it happen. my mother also told me that if a man can speak like that to his own mother he'll do it to you too. i know you love him but do you really want to see if he will treat you like that? what if you get married and have kids and he yells at you like that calling you out of your name in front of your kids? he had no right to yell at her even if if he was mad that she didnt want you to come over. he could have been more rational and respectful and told her he wasnt going to leave you behind and if thats how she felt then he would see her another time. you can determine a mans character by how he treats his mother. he might not have been rude to you yet but if you stay with him you WILL see it. use wisdom in your decision, just because you love him does not mean hes good for you.

Answer 9

Your guy has no respect for his mother, given the way he speaks to her. And he has anger toward her because of her controlling ways; hence, he cusses at her. He has not dealt properly with his anger, and expresses it in a negative way. It's his problem, and he needs to work on it. YOU can't change it.

I wouldn't marry him for a long while -- sit back and observe... see how he treats you when you don't see eye to eye. please do not rush into marrying someone like this.

Taking care of yourself comes first...and if you find yourself in a situation where you will be cussed at and treated with disregard, rethink the marriage, or insist on premarital counseling.

all the best

Answer 10

Yes you can tell how much a man values women, by the way he treats his mother.
I would treat this as a red flag. It shouldn't matter how much his mom (or anyone else) pisses him off. He's 32. He should know about treating people with respect.