What are your reasons...for dating inside/outside your race?

Question

I am a strong and outspoken black woman, and I have never dated outside my race because:1. I'm not attracted to any other men. 2. I feel that a non-black man would not understand me or my background. 3. I feel that he is not strong enough to "handle" me: physically, mentally, and emotionally. So therefore, I will only date black men.

I'm at work right now, and my department is having an discussion about this question. One of my male co-workers, who is black, says that white women are "submissive" to their mates, and black women are "fussier." I say: "We (black women) don't take any B.S from a man, and we are not going to let him treat, say, and do us "any kind of way", and not say anything about it!" "That's what makes "us" stronger than any other woman that is not black!"

Men, do you agree with my co-worker?

Women, do you agree with me?

BTW...My black male co-worker is married to a black woman! Ha!

Answer 1

Its ok for us to be strong but we should allow our men to be men and not "emasculate" them in the process. We don't need to shout to the world we are strong, because it seems fake like a mask we are wearing, like we're trying too hard to be strong. Strength comes from within, you don't put on a shirt that says "Strong woman here!".

That said, personally I prefer Black men, but I would date a man of another race for the same reason I would date a Black man. A non-Black man would be held to the same standards as a Black man.

Answer 2

One man's meat is another mans poison. In regards to your background. Dating only black men does not mean that they will understand your background . I am not sure what part of the world you are from but I am a British born Nigerian living in Lagos and London. I have dated a few west Indian women who do not understand the Nigeria culture. In Nigeria you have many different cultures and languages . A Hausa person may find it difficult to understand a Ibo person for example. Then is religion. Muslims not understanding Christians . I think being attracted to your partner is important also being able to understand each other is also important but does not necessary need to be same race relationships to archive this. I would never date a black woman just because she was black and we did not have anything in common. I also would not say no to dating a white person just because she was white even though we have a lot in Common. My advice to you is date whoever you are attracted to and get along with regardless of colour. It is very dangerous to pre judge somebody just on colour. And one more point people are individuals with there own unique personalities.

Answer 3

interesting question hot chocolate....

i dont think we as black women need to be "handled"
but i feel that for the most part, at least in the past, that black men are the ones who primarily appreciate our beauty or maybe the only ones for the most part, and it is certainly difficult for anyone who isn't black to understand the life of a black person

it was rather ridiculous to have other men explain away the racism that others had toward me

in the end though, these men truly came to understand how pervasive it is....mostly they ignored it (the ONLY solution, by the way) but it was against their upbringing and that of many non black people to believe that anything bad is directed toward a person because of their race

i don't think that other women are more submissive but that these are stereotypes that people project on them

one my grandmother's is filipino and i have white, Latino, and Asian friends who date/are married to black men and have known many such couples - this is just a stereotype

black women actually put up with quite a bit, far more than any other women i have seen, around the world

i think that because we care about people so much and that because we don't want to see people alone and mistreated that we are in relationships that are poor quality sometimes

i have dated and almost been married (been engaged a million times lol) to men of other races

i never married one of those gentlemen because most of these men were not American and i didn't want to leave America permanently, i didn't want to deal with all an interracial relationship entails (here or abroad), and i feel strongly about the black family

and really, i didn't want to have some child of MINE telling me how it was NOT black (as so many do these days)

i cannot imagine raising a self hating child...the very idea of it is appalling

i don't like people who hate themselves...whatever and whomever you are you should embrace that....

don't worry about your relationships or this coworker or anyone

in common speech : "let" these people alone

it is telling that someone would even feel the need to lord themselves over a woman

and discussions like this aren't really appropriate for a place of business

Answer 4

Well, I am going to start of by saying that I am no longer on the open market (happily married). I am going to comment anyway if I were still on the dating scene. First of all, there are some attractive men from other "non-White" races. There are some factors when considering a serious, long-term relationship with anybody and one's background is a factor. When it comes to just dating though, if you have an interest in someone and they are interested in you then there is no reason (including race) why you shouldn't go out. That's the whole purpose of dating is to try on different shoes and once that shoe fits then you can consider that long-term relationship. You should have your standards for who it is you date, but I think you are possibly a little narrow-minded.

Answer 5

the only factor that comes into consideration with race is how physically attractive you find the person. half the stuff you mentioned is cultural not racial. you may not take any crap from men, but what about those african women in darfur? they are black too right?

culturally speaking ill date any woman from a culture whose values i respect. its hard not to sound racist with this question, but there are certain cultures who are just too weird and different for me. indian people and their arranged marriages and huge focus on social status for example. that just seems so cold and shallow, no emphasis on love or what the person actually wants.

and for the record, just because black men are generally known for being larger and tougher on average doesnt mean much. it might be a ratio of 4 out of 5 black men would be "tough enough to handle you", but only 3 out of 5 white men.
the fact that youre not attracted to any other men is a good point. everyone cant help who they wanna bang, and physical attraction is definitely important. wouldnt wanna be with someone who doesnt turn ur crank
i guess with the background thing its true that someone cant ever really understand another persons perspective unless theyve been in their shoes, but honestly, the world is so big and there are so many different cultures and mixed couples these days i think its becoming less relevant depending on where you live. in a place like toronto or hong kong im sure theres someone of every culture with someone else of every other culture.
saying white women are more submissive is stupid. ive met white women who would cut my balls off if i tried the wrong thing.

Answer 6

lol, this is a racist / stereotyped question if I ever heard of one.

To answer your first question, I am mixed. I will date whoever I want, not because I am mixed but because I have that privilege and its my choice.

Secondly "White" women differ (Irish, British, etc.) and you can't simply just label all 'White' women submissive. With comments like that you just make yourself seem very ignorant.

Thirdly, you are stereotyping Black women are being 'stronger' by saying that they 'don't take any B.S. from a man'. Not all Black women share your views are indeed some are very feminine.

Last of all, keep your stereotyped answers to yourself or just share them with your Black co-workers. You will never get an unbiased answer from people that think that way.

Answer 7

I agree with number two. When dating opposite make sure the person knows ( you well ) ( friendship is a good start before stereotypes ) also is good to teach about your culture or they know about your culture. Other races are attracted to difference because they are tired of dating the same races for many reasons. Maybe because they get cheated all the time is time to try a different attraction for LOVE and happpiness. I think your co worker is ignorant. He only used the word submissive because he must be a player.

Answer 8

I am a white woman and I am married to a man who is half black and half hispanic.

To me it's not about race at all. It's about who I got along with and who was attractive. My ex-fiance was a white man and we didn't get along. Does that mean I swore off all white men? No. You can't generalize a whole race, IMO.

To state that black women "don't take any BS from a man" is another generalization that isn't always true. There are plenty of black women that do put up with a horrible man. Same with white, hispanic, asian, etc.

It's completely understandable to be attracted more to your race. Especially if you were raised around a majority of black men or if your dad is black. That is normal and comfortable to you.

I think, as far as race goes, it doesn't matter who is attracted to whom as long as they find that true person they weren't meant to be with. I also think it's important for all the other races not to judge those people who choose to date outside their own race.

It's a beautiful thing, here in America, that we are free to socialize, date and marry any race of the opposite sex. To each his own on their preference as long as they are truly happy, right?

Answer 9

I am a strong outspoken white woman. I used to take BS from men, but now I have stopped. I am NOT shy or submissive, and this cause problems with my BF, who is Italian. My Dad is also a bit old fashioned, and has said, "Debra sure is assertive" but in a negative way. I think the more you have in common with someone,the great chances for sucess in your relationship. If people are difference races, there may be cultural differences.Noticing these differences is NOT racist. My BF's family dosen't approve of me. Why? Because I don't cook. They are Italian and Italians expect women to be able to cook. My family is not too thrilled with my BF. Why? Because he has less education than I do and earns less money. If people are different ages there may be differences too. My dad is in his 60's and in his older fashioned way of thinking he says the man should earn more.He HATES the fact that I earn more than my BF. My parents were strict discliplinarians, I own my home at age 29. I grew up to be a responsible adult. My BF totally coddles and spoils his son- and it shows. (see my other questions for details on that if you are interested). I have noticed that black women are not afraid to disclipline thier kids in public. Thats a good thing.
While I dont think you meant to be racist, I am sure I am as strong as you are.

Answer 10

Love knows no color. I have been with both, married 2 black men and now married to a white man. I was raised by a step-father who did not believe in inter-racial dating so for most of my life I too only dated black men. The last 2 relationships I was in with those black men were very bad, physical and mental abuse. At the age of 33 I decided I would not look at another black man as a partner and would rather be alone. When the first white man asked me out I said "No" and because he kept asking and made me laugh I decided to try it. I hid it for awhile from my family and then one day at dinner with my parents my step-father said to me, after all I had been through he no longer cared what color the man was I choose as long as he treated me right and treated my sons right. I met my husband in 2001 and we got married Dec 2003. He is my gift from God and I don't care what color he is we both bleed red. I know I am protected and he would die for me, that's love, and that's all that matters. Open your mind and your heart, we are only one Race- Human.