My husband and I have been happily married for over 21 years, but my mother-in-law truly hates me.
Believe me, I have tried and tried, but this woman truly hates me with a vengeance and has never made a secret of her feelings and unfortunately, her behavior hurts my husband more than me.
Sadly, she is very ill now at 87 years old, and in her final days.
I go to the hospital with my husband, but I stay in the waiting area, and that causes problems with my husband's family, even though they know about their mother's hatred towards me.
My husband has always supported me and we've thrived and survived through so much turmoil.
I don't know what to do.
I would like to say farewell to her but I don't think she would like to see me in her final hours.
What would you do?
I would think when a person is dying that they would set aside hate, but I don't think that she has and I am fearful of seeing her now because I do not want to upset her further.
What would you do?
2007-10-18 04:00:47 · 33 answers · asked by ghostwriter 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for your support and great advice.
She knows I am outside her room.
My husband was a widower when we met, and due to a death in my family about the same time as his first wife died unexpectedly and tragically, we became very close, very fast.
We lived together for 6 years before marrying, because I was afraid it was a rebound type thing, but it wasn't.
His mother adored his first wife and she's never felt that I measured up and she's always believed that I would hurt her son.
She's very stubborn and has never recognized that I made her son happy and helped raise his children.
I helped provide a stable loving home for him and the children.
It's all so horribly sad.
2007-10-18 04:59:33 · update #1
leave it alone hon it hasnt been easy on you in 21 yrs so why try now for her sake she probably wont be any better and having you there she will only throw a tantrum which may kill her so i would buy a card and have hubby deliver it and express your goodbyes that way you arent responsible for killing her
2007-10-18 04:20:50 · answer #1 · answered by the_orc_1 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'M so sorry to hear about your husbands mother. It will all be over soon, so go in to see her. Maybe she wants to let you know that she's sorry for how she treated you, and you can tell her you forgive her. Who knows after that she may leave in peace. Give it a try. I know you won't regret it.
2007-10-18 05:24:36 · answer #2 · answered by troop there it is 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have your husband ask her if she would like to see you. If he says that you would like to see her she might be agreeable. If she really doesn't want to see you you should not go in, there is no sense in upsetting her at this point. My mother-in law has never liked me (married 24 years) either. Although she is somewhat sneaky about it. She makes it plain to me but not in front of my husband so he doesn't see it. So, I know how you feel. Let her make the decision, she is still the matriarch while she is alive. Good luck.
2007-10-18 04:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by Ellen L 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If she's in her final day. Tell her be. She doesn't like you that not going to change until she changes it.Tell you husband if she asks about you is it OK to let you come into room. If she says yes just be polite say something short and nice. If she doesn't then you tryed and there's no fault on you. You put your effort forward to make amends. There's nothing more you can do.
Good Luck!
2007-10-18 04:13:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would go into the room for myself. I would talk to her and tell her how you wished things could of been different. It was her problem that she did not like you. You can make it better by being a bigger person and trying. You will feel better after she passes on and your husband would not resent you because you did not see his mom when she passed. Good luck I know this one is a toughy but I think this would work.
2007-10-18 04:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I would go in and say goodbye...and say that you are truley sorry for not being able to develop a close relationship with her and that it is something that you will always regret. Make it sound like it was maybe your fault even though it wasn't. With whatever she does after that-at least you wont have the "what if I did go in" or what not floating through your head. You will know that you did do everything that you could to have a relationship with her even up until the end. there can be no guilt when you did everything you could do. GOod luck and i will keep you in my prayers.
2007-10-18 04:08:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Continue to go to the hospital with your husband and be supportive of him during this time of sorrow. You have no obligation to see this mom as she has made it clear that she does not have any good feelings for you, you owe her nothing. Avoid what family members say your main objective is to do what you feel is right for you and to be there for your husband. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-18 04:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just have your hubby ask her if she wants to see you. If she wants to see you , then see her. If she isnt able to communicate right now, then maybe just go in briefly. Tell her you are sorry for all the bad things between you. Mention something you have always admired in her ( she is your mans mom).
2007-10-18 04:28:35 · answer #8 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have some1 else in the family ask her if its ok if u come in and see her, all differences aside... All along she may never have actually hated u. Find away to say good bye cuz it will ease ur mind, even if its sending a card in.
2007-10-18 04:12:51 · answer #9 · answered by NONAME 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't do anything. like you said you don't want to upset her in her final hours. i would stay in the waiting room to support your husband. If the hag wants to see you she will let someone know.
2007-10-18 04:37:21 · answer #10 · answered by --Br0oklYn-- 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋