I know this has been asked before but it really upsets me?

Question

I like to laugh and joke around, throw out the sarcasm and whatnot.

But these rape "questions" really upset me. I wish you guys would understand how devastating this is, how common it is, and that it's not funny to joke about it. When it happened to me, my brother wanted to kill the guy, as did my father. Is that funny?

I don't understand why it's taken so lightly. Could you explain this diplomatically to me why it's not taken seriously?

Don't attack me - I already have been. But educate me as to why rape is comical in any way - because I don't think it is.

Thanks

The first time was by someone I knew in 1991 and the second was random (and I was robbed of my purse after) in 1994.

I just want to let others know that even though time does pass, it still hurts. And it hurts that much more to see it discounted.

Which is also why anyone who ever falsly accuses someone of this horrible crime should be in jail for a long time, I think. No one should ever go through that either, and it makes me angry and harder for people like me to have a leg to stand on if we want to prosecute.

At least your answers are honest and heart-felt.
And I respect you all for that.

I love humor - I guess I shouldn't be so sensitive. It just gets to me sometimes. I think most you guys can relate to that. :)

Ok - Jackal - you got me. I laughed out loud when I read that!
Punk!

Guns - I understand where you come from, but would be more empathetic to your cause if you didn't say things "I care more about men".
It comes off as hateful, and it doesn't help!

You break my heart rebirth.

Yep - pressed charges on the first, the second was never caught.

Answer 1

Rape is not considered a joke. It is not comical or a laughing matter - ever.

What you are seeing here is not an attempt to make fun of rape, or the women who have been violated. You are reading the latest in a long line of arguments between men and women, feminists and anti-feminists about the inequity of rape in the judicial system. Men can be raped as well, but their claims are not heard or respected in the legal system we currently have. Also, there is an increasing incidence of women wrongfully accusing men of rape, thus ruining their lives and the lives of their families. Rape, sadly, is a term thrown around irresponsibly by SOME women, to the detriment of men.

So please do not feel offended - as no one is trying to belittle you or anyone who has ever experienced your violation. You have stepped in the middle of a battle - frankly, a very important one - but one that not all deal with tact and respect.

Answer 2

That's one of the negative things Melifie is that you are bound from time to time to have ignorant and disturbing, whacked out men on a forum. There's nothing funny about rape, and it's quite disturbing when I see some guys on this forum joke about it or ask disturbing questions relative to it. Asking these men why rape is comical is like asking a burglar why he robs houses, there is a lack of empathy and probably of lacking of conscious as well as some screws loose in the head as well for these specific men.

Unfortunately you have disturbing people in this world and this can apply to there being some of them on YA as well. So there's nothing you can do, I'm sure some have been banned, but they end up making a new account anyways. You just have to ignore these punks that's all. I don't know what t say, except there is nothing funny about rape. I'm sorry that you have gone through such horrible things.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for what happened to you. I agree I think there are far too many women (and their families) out there who are painfully aware of how devasting rape can be. It is a fire that keeps burning you long after the fact.

That being said however, everyone deals with things differently. If we all avoided talking about or joking about every negative aspect of life then we would all walk around crying all day. Laughter is the best medicine, and we need to keep these issues out in the open. We all have had some kind of traumatic negative experience. It is understandable for all of us to be sensitive particularly about the things that hit closest to home, but you have to remember that until something like this happens to you, you will never truely understand what it is like.

I apologize if I hurt you with my answers to these questions. I would never intentionally do that. I do not take rape lightly, but to me I would rather laugh than cry and most of these questions are so stupid they don't seem worth countering.

Answer 4

I am not going to attack you because you don't deserve to be treated that way! I don't agree that all of these rape-haters have to take it out on you for something you didn't even have a CHOICE in. It's a competely serious matter that most can't comprend unless they know the facts, the effects, and how it affects a person in so many ways. Either that or they have personally experinced it, which I hope that people don't have to go that far to know how it feels. It's not funny, and I think it is SO SO SO wrong that people treat you with no respect when you probibly desreve it more than they do.
I am also very happy that you came out about it, because if you keep it inside you, it really hurts. I totally think you rock because you have done something that most people would never have done!

Answer 5

You are absolutely right. Rape is no joke and the people that make it into a joke should be ashamed of themselves. The people who joke about these things do so because they are privileged males who will never have to deal with this kind of violence being directed at them. I suspect that they are also people who are rape apologists who carry mindsets of "well, she deserved it because of X, Y, Z," of "she really wanted it". These are mentalities that are far too wide spread in our society. As for all of you that say that women have falsely cried rape too often to be taken seriously, you are sorely mistaken. Have there been women who have falsely accused someone of raping them? Certainly. But it is a false assertion that it is some kind of wide spread epidemic. It is well known that the majority of rape cases are not reported, that very few go to trial, and the ones that do the victim ends up being demonized by the media and the general public. I've listed some articles that talk about the re-victimization of rape victims.

Answer 6

Melfie, it happened to me too when I was 17 and I didn't tell anyone until this year. When I told my husband of 25 years that I was date raped when I lost my virginity, he was naturally infuriated with the guy, and wanted to know who it was so that he could kill him. Blessedly, the man had died years ago, and I didn't have to worry about seeing him around town or having my husband find out who he was and doing something stupid.
I wish I could explain why men joke about violence. They don't just joke about rape, they joke about all kinds of inhumanity. They also do all kinds of inhumane things and laugh about them. Why, who knows? I don't know too many girls who would put fire crackers up the butt of a kitten and light them and actually enjoy it, but you hear about boys doing this, or men who say they have done it, all of the time. They seem to have a violence gene that most women don't share. Is it the testosterone? Could be. Maybe that 's why not all men are suspect. Maybe the testosterone has to be really high, or the brain has to be really strangely wired.
Most men don't rape and pillage, but they will laugh at another man getting kicked in the balls. Go figure.

Howie: If a woman changes her mind and says she doesn't want to have sex, and a man doesn't take her "NO" for a "NO", that's rape. Even if he has already penetrated, she's saying "NO", and is pushing him off of her. Why would he want to continue? Is this sexy? No, it is rape. It is against her will. Consent means just that. Rape is nonconsentual sex, it doesn't have to be brutal to the point of almost death for the victim. Try visualizing being on the receiving end of something like that, and perhaps you'll change your mind.

Answer 7

First, let me share my sympathies.
Second, I don't consider rape to be a laughing matter. Even when a well-crafted joke is built around it, the discomfort factor outweighs any cleverness or humor. but some people's discomfort is not so strong. lack of empathy I would assume. (Same with jokes about men being raped in prison.)
Third, I think in many cases here, they are used deliberately to make women feel uncomfortable. This is a lashing out from people who, for whatever reason feel powerless. This stuff needs to be reported. It has no place.
Fourth, anything can be made funny. I knew a Holocaust survivor who told some great jokes, like one about winning the lottery betting the numbers tattooed on his forearm. But most of the jokes about rape aren't funny. Just cruel. The only "humor" is hurting other people.

EDIT

It may seem contradictory, my remark about the Holocaust survivor and of discomfort outweighing humor. But the joke I am describing is funny AND disturbing while making one empathize in a bittersweet way with someone who has not only survived but been able to keep his humor and humanity.

I seldom see rape jokes that do that.

Answer 8

There is NOTHING funny or comical about rape...NOTHING
I have this idea that some people are so uncomfortable talking or even thinking about this issue that they use humor to releive stress. I also believe that our system of justice (or INJUSTICE, as it appears) lacks the integrity to punish those guilty of this heinous crime against humanity...not only women are victims...so some may see this lack of consequence as implied permission to commit this crime.
You have heard the stories about "alledged date rapes", the crafty lawyers who get their clients off (because it is their "JOB"), the horror stories of incest by fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, that go unreported until something worse happens. Then, there is the Satanic ritualistic abuse of kids...the list goes on and on. THE GOOD NEWS???? We can and DO recover from this horrible, life denying experience to become witness for others. We are survivors and go well past survival into a full, rich and healthy life. This is possible for all.

Answer 9

It's always more serious when it hits closer to home. Think about the family members of victims of AIDS, cancer, or killed in drunken driving accidents. Some things are only funny if you cannot closely relate. Just try to remember that people aren't making fun of you or your situation when they crack a joke. Be glad they hadn't suffered the way you had. It's bad enough that it happened to one person, no need to spread around the turmoil.

Answer 10

I answered a question in this forum about rape (someone asked how does a woman prove she was raped), and I gave details about what I personally went through, and someone actually accused me of "making up emotional stories." There certainly are a few people here that seriously need their heads examined- it's bad enough to go through such a horrible experience, and it doesn't feel too great to have others discount it or accuse you of "making it all up."