before my husband went out of the country to work, his family don't even care about us.But since my husband went out to work, his brother, mother and sister keeps on asking money from us (always in thousands). There is always conspiracy, story and drama between the three of them everytime they will ask money from us so that my husband will give in to their request which results to our fighting..coz i feel that they are abusing us already.We already gave capital for the brother to have business many times but nothing happens.He's the laziest person i've ever seen..he and his wife doesn't have work.they have all the (invalid) reasons for not working.they just depend on his mother and from us.how can i make my husband realized this situation?his family is taking advantage of us.he told me that he will not tell me anymore if he will give money to his family so that we will not fight.is it right?he's just tolerating his brother's laziness.pls. help.
2007-10-18 03:34:51 · 7 answers · asked by Tiffany 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not a good idea to give money to relatives all of the time, but the fact is you can't control what your husband does.
I think that finances in marriage should be a joint effort, and both of you ought to know what is coming in and going out, for the sake of savings, and a budget.
But if your husband insists on bailing his family out, and taking care of them, then it's his choice. It's not healthy, and i'm sure that in the long run, your husband will pay dearly for giving until he's blue in the face.
take care.
2007-10-18 03:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make a list of how many times and how much each time you've given money to who.... Then if he can see it in black and white, one right after another, how close the dates are, then you could explain that you would like to do things too. Like maybe you want a nice house, or you want to do things with him... like a vacation and it seems that you can't because he is putting his families wants before yours. As for sending it behind your back, that is just wrong. All you can do is not try and turn on him, don't explain that his family is taking advantage. He wants to help them. Now, if you point out that it seems a bit odd that his brother has taken money several times for business start ups, then you may want to point out that it may not be a wise investment. There is a tactful way of doing everything.
2007-10-18 10:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband and make him understand that the income that comes in, is for your family household not that of his mother and brothers and if he starts lying to you about giving them money that it will hurt your marriage b/c you will not be able to trust him, show him how much money he has given to them. When you borrow money to Family you never get it back they seem to think you owe it to them for being family I don't know why people think like that. It is different to help people out to get back on their feet but to keep giving just b/c is wrong.. let him know they are doing nothing for themselves that he is working to support them how could he think that is alright!! Best of Luck!!
2007-10-18 11:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by Virgo Rose 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its either your future or his families. He can't support both. His brother is a grown-a** man. He needs to get off his lazy a$% and get a job. I understand how he is though, your husband. I used to feel like I needed to help my family, especially my sister. Always asking for a couple of hundred dollars here and there. Then I find out that she's out partying at my expense. HELL NO!!!! I couldn't even party on my own! But after a couple of times I realized, I can't even support myself (when I was single). Now my family knows not to even ask me for money or to even co-sign for anything. You need to let your husband know. Sit him down and ask him if he would like to either live with his family or with you and the kids. YOUR his family now and YOU and the children are his main priority. Helping someone out is okay but not when the person is not helping themselves along the way. Your husband needs to fill his chest and tell his family "NO"!!!! He needs to tell them that they need to start supporting themselves. He is not a charity organization. Settle it!!!
2007-10-18 10:46:13 · answer #4 · answered by AF 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think that you should shut up, and do what your husband tells you.
It is him working very hard, and you want to decide whether to loan his family money >? Uh !!! NO !!!
I am pretty certain that your husband has a better idea of what is going on in the "big picture"... Maybe family stability is worth more to him than a little money. Maybe you have no "real" concept about what is going on ???
You can voice your opinion one time.. and if your husband agrees with you - good for you. If not... get a job, and don't lend them any of "your" money.
2007-10-18 10:53:06 · answer #5 · answered by Badspe11er 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First if he would give money to his family without letting you know just to avoid a fight.... you better get out. My husband would never do that. Its not just his money it yours too! If your husband is away I would do the work yourself. Tell his family that you wouldnt mind helping them out if they were helping themselves too. Its not your responcibility to take care of your family and theirs. And if you husband has a problem with it tell him that you are sorry but you have to put your foot down before you end up broke and stuck with out your necessities
2007-10-18 10:43:27 · answer #6 · answered by crazyworld 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. He is going to help them whether you like it or not. You may have to wait until he gets tired of it. If you are not suffering financially because of his generosity, then I'd just drop it.
2007-10-18 10:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋