i dont know how to deal whit this my boyfriend is looked up and i dont kow how to tell my kids were he is what shoul i do its hard to do it on my own.
2007-10-18 03:25:57 · 22 answers · asked by alasey05 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
well sorry for my writhing i just have so much work that i am not paing any atention ...well to those who ask if he is the father to my kids yes and he was just in the rigth place but in the wrong time.
2007-10-18 04:11:44 · update #1
i don't understand..
2007-10-18 03:27:58 · answer #1 · answered by angelicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not into lying to kids for the most part. I don't think that this is one of those situations where you should lie to them. Tell them the truth, not necessarily the whole truth (for ex if the reason he is locked up is so terrible) but kids appreciate honesty and learn from you. Remember that.
My sons father was a crack addict and when I found out (after I had left him) I told my son the truth, a little at a time because he was 3 when I discovered this. But I know I did the right thing by being honest. I think that the way I told him he probably will never touch a drug in his life.
Patterns run in families and it's up to us parents to break the bad patterns and reinforce the good ones. If you teach your children that their father did a bad thing and this was the outcome of doing such a bad thing, then maybe they can learn from his mistakes and break a potentially bad pattern.
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After reading some of the other answers though, I have to say that they make a good point. Is this your childrens father or just your BF? If it's your BF, what you should tell them, and mean it, is that you guys broke up. Find someone worth your time.
2007-10-18 10:39:39 · answer #2 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if your boyfriend is locked up....then he could be a problem in himself. He is an adult, let him deal with it. Other then your babies, he owes you nothing.
Second, why is he jailed....beatings, theft, what? If it is something violent, then it is time to move on. It won't be long until he starts transferring that anger to you.
Third, get in touch with your local welfare office. If HE is in the system, you might as well stick yourself in the system.
As far as telling the kids what happened...what about the truth? It makes it easier to tell the story the second and third time. After all, you didn't do anything wrong. Let him explain it later to them.
No matter what, you need to take care of those babies. You made them, now deal with them.
EDIT: You say he was in the right place at the wrong time. To that I have to say this. If a person becomes incarcerated for any reason, whether it is an admission of guilt or a jury of his peers finds him guilty, then he did it. It is a plain and simple thing. If you were there and know for a fact that it is something like you are saying....why aren't you demanding his lawyer to get some justice?
Me, I say, if someone is in jail they either did it, or had a cruddy lawyer...either way they need to do something else.
2007-10-18 10:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is looked up? Did he leave you? You need to tell them and move on. If you dwell on it so will they. It's always hard to raise kids on your own but we all find the strength to do it. Take a break and exchange babysitting with a friend so that you can get a break. Take the kids to the Y and get some exercise ( burns off their energy!)If he's not in your life for some other reason you still need time for yourself and time for the kids to keep them occupied. Ok he's locked up in jail. You really need to move on. If he's in jail it's not good cuz they don't put good people in jail! Your kids don't need that type of person in their life and neither do you. You can make it on your own!! You don't need a man to raise your kids(may be easier but that doesn't mean it's the best for them) Take ahold of your life and think of your kids future and what you want for them to succeed in life. Most kids follow in there parents footsteps. Do you want them to have a spouse or boyfriend that did something bad enough to end up in jail? Set a good example for them NOW. It's all up to you! Take care.
PLEASE ANSWER SO WE CAN UNDERSTAND. HOW CAN HE BE IN THE "RIGHT" PLACE AT THE WRONG TIME?
2007-10-18 10:33:37 · answer #4 · answered by Steffie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly I would not take any notice of the inconsiderate people who have no better advise to give than to ridicule you!!
I am sure when you are feeling bad, that you dont need people having cheap digs, Its nothing short of bullying!
What you tell the kids depends on their ages and if the BF is their dad, and why he is locked up.
If they are young I would just say he is at work.
I dont see why uyou have to do it on your own, could you ask a friend or relative to be there with you to help answer any questions and support you.
Good luck !
2007-10-18 11:04:01 · answer #5 · answered by rae 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well there is some heartless people out there answering your question bet that makes you feel even more down than you feel already. who are they to judge your boyfriend wen he might of been wrongly convicted. maybe he was in the wrong place at the wrong time or he beat up a child abuser who knows but who is anyone to judge when they dont know the facts. the answers to your question thou, it depends how old your kids are really but i would just sit them down and explain that he's been naughty and has to go away for awhile and do jobs in prison to show hes sorry or just tell them hes got a job working away. it must be hard but time will sort things out.
2007-10-18 10:34:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are trying to say locked up,,,,as in prison ...the best way is to tell them the truth,I dont know how old they are but when they grow up you will find that they will thank you for being honest with them in the first place.hope this is some help and good luck for the future.
2007-10-18 10:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by smokie2421 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with your kids that is the only way to build a good relationship with them it might hurt them to know that your bf is locked up but tell them the truth
2007-10-22 10:29:51 · answer #8 · answered by Murders Princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on the age of the kids I would tell them the truth or wait a little while I would not want my BF around my kids ever again if he was in jail for a really bad reason
2007-10-18 10:33:06 · answer #9 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you mean locked up, you need to be honest with them, let them know he did wrong and that is what happens when you break the law. They can learn that now so they won't have to go through it themselves. If they see how much it hurts you that your boyfriend is in prison, they won't repeat the bad behavior. Good luck
2007-10-18 10:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He`s your boyfriend, yea, is he the kids father? Will he be there long?
You don`t have to sit them down and spell it out, try talking in a manor that he`s away but not gone from your live`s. send him post and involve the kids with making a card and posting it. that way it will help you to come to terms with it. heal together.
be strong.
2007-10-18 10:37:43 · answer #11 · answered by November 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋