Me and my bf have been together for 11 months now. His ex-wife told him to get out last year so he left the marital home and his 3 kids although they live just down the road from where he is living now.
She likes to try and cause problems re the whole me, him and his kids. often she won't allow him to see his kids if she suspects i will be there even though i get on very well with all of them.
In december we are planning a trip to see his parents and family who live in scotland which is a long way from where we live now ( we don't live together as yet) and he plans to take his kids with him so they can see there grandparents whom they don't see very often.
So, bearing in mind we have now been together for 11 months and the fact she didn't want him anyway, does she continue to try and control him through his kids?
She says that they don't want me to go when we both now that its probably her not wanting me to go.
I'm just wondering how long this is going to last for?!
2007-10-18 03:18:23 · 24 answers · asked by fifitrixie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'll just add, that i wasn't the reason for their marriage break-up! She just decided she didn't love him anymore as they had grown apart... then kicked him out!
2007-10-18 03:30:47 · update #1
Be prepard for a long battle! We had the same problem with my hubbys first wife. She was an utter cow and would refuse to let him see his daughter if she knew that I was there! stupid part about it was that there daughter and I had a really good relationship she used to love spending time with her dad and me. so much so she never wanted to go back to her mum.
Unfortunatly there are some horrible women out there that use there children as weapons to get back at there ex's,even when it was there desion to end the relationship. The only thing you can really do is go to see a solicitor and get a defined contact order so that you all know where you stand. Get them to include holidays in the order as well.
The only other thing I can suggest is just try and keep out of it let your bf and his ex battle it out , if your relationship is for the long run then his ex will have to get used to it. I know its really hard because your natural recation is to stand up for your bf, but you really need to bite your tongue and step back you dont want to give her ANY reason to use you as an excuse for the kids not seeing there dad.
Being a mum , seeing it from the ex's point , she is bound to be a bit wary of you, your bf can tell her till he is blue in the face that the kids are safe with you, and yes she should trust his judgement but she probably wont as she doesnt know you or know anything about you. She also may be trying to protect the kids from getting hurt ..yes you have been together for 11 months, but to her thats probably still early days and she wont want a string of 'daddys girl friends' in and out of the kids lives ( I mean no offence to you by this just trying to tell you how she might be feeling)
Its a very hard situation for you to be in, but if your serious about being with your bf you will just have to ride it out . Me and my hubby have been togther 11 years now and his ex is still a cow about us seeing his daughter but for her its all done out of spite and the only one who is suffering and missing out is there daughter, its very very sad as we no longer have any contact with her because of her mother we have had 2 soon to be 3 children of our own that have never met there big sister. And I know how much it is killing my hubby not to be able to see his little girl.
P.S. If shes a real cow she will try any dirty trick to split you 2 up! ( hubbys ex tried to tell me she had seen him in a club with another woman which I knew from the start was a pack of lies) she has tried her hardest but failed every time ! Good luck hope you get it sorted.
2007-10-18 07:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by gert 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 15:18:23 · answer #2 · answered by Cassie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The old saying goes you don't know what you got till it's gone. The Ex is jealous that he has moved on so quickly and will continue to be a problem until she finds someone to fill her void. If you and your boyfriend don't have a problem with you going to scotland and the kids are o.k. with it then why does she even have to know about it? Regarding visitation visits her not allowing the kids to spend time with their father if you are around you can call the police and issue a violation to the ex for interference with visitation she will be fined and i believe after three violations your boyfriend can file papers that she is interfering with visitation and she will be put in jail but after the first violation I don't believe she'll try that again. You must tell the officer that you want him to issue a violation the cost of that violation is $75.00 that's how it is in Illinois, Call an attorney for free advice to see if they have the same laws. Your boyfriend needs to stick-up for you and tell his EX he is happy and you are not going anywhere. The BRIGHT side is eventually it will stop she will get involved with someone or the kids will grow up and know there mother is wrong. Hope this helped Good Luck!
2007-10-18 03:42:48 · answer #3 · answered by Virgo Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in for a very long road with this type of woman. I have one of these in my life. It has really gotten to the point after 4 years that I am considering looking for a way out of this marriage. I urge you to read about blended family problems and to read about all of the information you can find on this type of ex wife. You can go to the Ask Men love and relationship section and search this topic. If I knew then what I know now I would have not gotten past the first hello with my husband. He is a good man, he is all I ever wanted in a person...however his kids and his ex are unbearable....because there are children involved she will always be in our lives, because she is the kids mom, her influence will always be in the kids minds...they are 16, 14, and 11. My husband feels guilt because their family is not together...she had two long term affairs in their marriage and got pregnant the last time...divorce was not his fault...the guilt he feels puts me on the back burner and I get huge amounts of abuse. I am sorry for the reply I am giving you...I can only speak from my experiences....however I really wish someone would have told me.
2007-10-18 03:26:17 · answer #4 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if he jumped into a relationship with you right after she through him out, this could be the reason for how she is feeling. You did not mention what her reason was for throughing him out. Honestly, I feel it was too soon for him just to give up on his marriage by so quickly getting into a relationship with you. But now that it is, now it leaves the kids to consider. To the kids, one day mommy and daddy are together, the next day daddy is out of the home, then before you know it, daddy has a new honey. This alone is too much for any child to have to comprehend and deal with. You also might want to take a second look at a man who can walk away from his marital vows so easily. I of course do not know the circumstances but just call it like I see it. I agree with his ex wife not wanting you to go along on that trip. Give the kids some time to get used to the idea that daddy is with someone else other than their mother, you guys jumped into the relaitonship too fast. Although it is good him and you and not living together, this was a wise choice and I am sure it has helped the kids with not having to deal with more confusion. Merge yourself slowly into relationship with his children, give it some reasonable time and I do hope all turns out for the best for all of you. As for the ex wife, know that your dealings wilth her is something you will have to accept if you remain with this man. Let your guy deal with her and try to keep yourself out of it, you do not want the kids see daddys new honey fight with their mom. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-18 03:32:00 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what ex-wives do best, deciding they don't want to be with someone but still wanting to have some degree of control over them. The happier you and your bf are the more it will look like she was the one with the problems in the marriage. Her behaviour is her way of causing problems between you and your boyfriend, and if you are having problems it perpetuates the idea in her mind that your bf is flawed emotionally and she was right to kick him out.
Don't let her get away with it, accept that she is the mother to his kids and will always have a part in his life-but that does not mean she has a part in your life.
2007-10-18 06:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where you are coming from and you want a relationship but can you look at it from her point of view in the fact that she only has the children and they will be the most important thing in her life. I have been in that position and the thought of another woman being in charge (so to speak) of my kids filled me with dread, its just the thought of someone taking over. I'm sure in time she will settle down and enjoy the free time that she has when you and your partner have the kids, good luck !
2007-10-18 03:24:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will last awhile as they had a long relationship since they have 3 kids. She is probably jealous of you and that is hard for anyone to take. Talk to her. Let her know that you are a nice person and not trying to steal her kids. (smile)
2007-10-18 03:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forever, once the kids grow up the grandkids come. I am the mom on the other side and my ex husband's girlfriend is an idiot and mean to the kids and we have been divorced for 8 years but I am still not going to let one of his girlfriends be mean to my kids. And it certainly isn't because I have feeling for him (YUCK) not to be mean but yea that's just not happening. Maybe the problem is you.
2007-10-18 03:25:41 · answer #9 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it, but it can go on and on and on....., I have been with my husband for over twenty years now, and married to him for ten. He has a daughter who is now nrealy thirty, with three children of her own.....but every now and then, his ex will rear her ugly head for some reason, and try to drag up and re-open old wounds. They had split up long before we got together, but I got the impression that she didn't want him, but didn't want anyone else to have him either. Hard to do, but your gonna have to be really thick skinned, and do your best to ignore her, and rise above everything she tries, or does to make your life a misery. The more you ignore her....the more it will get to her. Go ahead with your plans and enjoy your holiday.
2007-10-18 03:30:17 · answer #10 · answered by murphywingedspur 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋