I dont like to be touched anymore, whats wrong with me?

Question

When I was in high school all I wanted was for guys to hold me, kiss me, hug me. I never had a problem with letting my boyfriends touch me. I lost my virginity at a young age but I have no regrets. My relationships were always serious (The shortest relationship i've ever had lasted one year) (The longest lasted from when I was 13-18).

I was raped by a guy friend when I was 15 - the day of my fathers funeral. Since then, however, I have been sexually active, and have had no problem with guys touching me. The relationship that I was in from the time I was 13-17 ended due to the fac that the guy I was with became very involved in serious drugs. My father died of a drug OD and I did not want that in my life.

I am 20 years old and have been with an amazing guy for 2 1/2 years. When I first became involved with this guy (who is now my fiance) we were very intamate. I loved his touch.

For the past year, I have no desire for hugs, kisses, or sex! (more details comming)

My fiance and I sleep in the same bed, cuddle during the night, and sit close to eachother at other times. However, hand holding, hugging, kissing, and sex have become non existant in our relationship.

I always feel bad for him and say "I'm going to let him kiss me today" or "I'm not going to pull away when he tries to hold my hand"...but when the time comes, I just cant do it! I end up pulling away!

I miss the way I used to be. I dont know why I cant seem to change the way I've become (Or why i've become this way).

My fiance and I have a great relationship together. He is very loyal and loving, and (thankfully for me) understanding. He does not push me to do anything that I do not want to do.

At the same time, I know its not fair to him, OR myself.

Help!!

I have not cheated and I have no secretes from him. People have insisted to me that I MUST be keeping something from him...but the honest truth is that I am not.

Answer 1

its the very basic fear of intimacy, if you can't just get over it yourself then you should seek counseling, its very common and any qualified therapist should be able to guide you through a cure with only a few sessions.

Answer 2

None of these answers are correct.

First of all, just because someone had a tramautic experience similar to a problem they have today doesn't mean that is the cause. A clue to this being true in your case is that your problem did not start after that experience.

I would throw all that out the window, and look at your current relationship solely. It WAS going well.

When did it change? What happened just before that? Did you cheat on him in some way? What did you DO?

Whatever it is, there is a high chance there is a secret you have from him RIGHT THERE. You may have buried it a bit in your mind so as not to feel totally uncomfortable, but it still manifests in the way you describe.

The solution, if so, is to sit down with him and talk. Clear it up. Do what is needed to make things right with him, and your feelings for him will go back up.

Good luck.

EDIT:
okay got your update. So, I am going to throw out another possibility.

It's not YOU, it's HIM!

You say he is amazing, but perhaps he is just a bit boring. He may now just be a lap dog boyfriend, and you need more of a challenge. Somebody who is more in charge, dominant and who keeps you in control. He may just be a "nice" guy, and you are looking for a guy who is more of a rebel. It happens.

In that case, you have to ask yourself why you are marrying a guy you have no desire for intimacy with. That is asking for torture.

What has probably happened here, is that people have been telling you how wonderful this guy is, how it must be you and your past that is the trouble, and has made you reluctant to just up and say "This guy doesn't do it for me, I'm out."

There is nothing wrong with you.

Go get a guy who floats your boat. Good luck.

Answer 3

have you perhaps questioned your gender identity? is it only GUYS that bother you when they try to touch you ? How do you react around your female friends when they get close? just a thought...in any case, you NEED to speak with a professional counselor to get down into your mind and see if your many bad experiences have caused you to feel this way.

Answer 4

Be sure to get a thorough Medical checkup! Yes, psychiatrists are able to prescribe medicines and psychologists can counsel, but make sure there's not an underlying physical condition first and foremost. Then definitely consider counseling. And Pray! Give thanks for an understanding mate...Keep your chin up!

Answer 5

this is okay to love and revel in "issues" and not love them. while it includes human beings loving them is a decision. in assessment to known theory that love is a feeling this is not. Love is a constantly a decision. A selfless act of showing and GIVING like to a diverse. a lot of human beings confuse thoughts of lust and temptation for love. they don't look to be love. once you pick to marry somebody you're making a dedication to offer them love and honor and admire. they might desire to additionally be providing you with want besides. bear in mind that love is an action.

Answer 6

You need a Doctor of Psychiatry /Psychology or Rape Counselor to work with you thru this Trauma which is what you have experienced.....Find someone that specializes in this and they will help you work yourself back to a healthy recovery and renewed life of hope...Bless you!!!!!!

Answer 7

Maybe the problem is that you aloud to many people to touch you when you were to young to know the rights and wrongs of relationships

Answer 8

'Yeah I feel your pain...and I'm sorry to hear what happened to you...

You see work with yourself, experiment....there must be a way to find e release of what happened to you...

If you hate therapists than pray, pray to god...and find your inner peace.

Answer 9

well , if i was you i would quit wasting time with us saps here and seek professional help . for your fiances sake .