I suspect my husband of having more than professional feelings towards his boss....?

Question

He talks with her and about her alot. Yet, on the other hand he IS telling me these things. He even tells me that people at his work "sarcastically" call her his girlfriend. I visited the office one day and she was very nice, but would hardly even look at me. When she was talking, even to me, it was him she was looking at.

I forwarded him a funny email which he forwarded to other guys at work, but when he forwarded it to her he removed my heading and stuff, making it look like he just forwarded it to her (sans my name on it). Yet, he told me this.

I do not think he is "cheating" since he is very dutifully home on time, and even is in his office at lunch. But he does tell me how she says that she and he should go on a business trip together. (He told me this, laughing saying 'yeah right!') She is an office flirt who uses her charms to get her way (according to him), but I fear she is using her charms on my husband (who would be very very flattered by this).
cont.....

All is good at home, finances are good, I look good, the sex is good, etc.

My question is:
should I mention anything to him? If I do I'm afraid he will not tell me anything more about it, and it could get worse. If I DO say something about it, what should I say and how should I say it. He isn't doing anything wrong at this time, or is he?

Just a gut feeling I have.
Thanks for any advice.

Answer 1

Pixie,
first it has been a long time since I answered anything from you (I think you are a terrific contact). Briefly, I for one (as a guy) do not "think" anything is going on (yet); however, I would be completely off base if I told you that nothing was "brewing" yet either. Something "is" brewing on this - how you approach it can either speed this process up or give him an opportunity to correct on his own.

I would merely suggest that if anything does occur - it not be because you "pushed" at him to walk away from this person. Unfortunately for you, you are in the middle of this and unknown to me or anyone else reading this is the fact that you have to live with this activity daily and see more details than you can express here. (Though what you expressed was detailed enough for one to get the gist of this thing). At this point your husband needs to make the decision on his own, that if he does something with this boss of his - then you will become HIS loss. There are no text book responses for this kind of thing (though each and every one of your responders has an opinion).

As a guy I guess I would have to say that if I was approached by my wife in this type of situation I would hope it would come in the form of a question. Such as "What would you do if you went on a business trip with SUSAN and she hit on you?" Or, "Would you ever cheat on me?" type of thing.

I wish you the best in this round of events.

Best to you!

Gerry

Answer 2

You can look at it two ways. He's around the people at work at least 8 hours a day, so he's going to talk about them in the course of relating his day. You say that she is a flirt, we men are easily flattered. I'm sure that he knows that an affair can jeopardize his career and his home life.
Now, having given him the benefit of a doubt, here is what you should consider. I am a private investigator and can tell you to watch for any change in his routine. Has he recently begun working out? Does he leave for work early for any reason. Has he
recently taken more of an interest in his appearance? These are some questions you want keep a check on. Check his credit card statement for unexplained purchases.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I had that gut feeling with my ex-husband too and I was right. But on the other hand he was gone all the time and acting very shady. I would say give it some time. I jumped the gun confronting him and that made me have to dig a lot deeper to find out what I needed to know because he was being more careful. I would say if he is being as open as he is, you're safe to wait a little while and see how things progress. If you get too uncomfortable though, go ahead. These are your feelings, not a game. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think that you have every reason to be alarmed by your husbands relationship with his boss. And it is a relationship. I have been there and done that except I was the boss and she was my employee. She was a cutie and I was very close to my wife at the time. I too told my wife stuff about this employee. One day my wife sat down with me and looked me square in the eyes and said, "You are falling in love with that girl". She left it at that. I was falling for that girl and very hard. It took my wife to show me the truth and it was then when I had to make the choice of who I wanted to be with. I was very "dutiful" too as you put it. Yes I was tempted to leave my wife of several years, my home and all I had accomplished with her for many years for that girl at work. Oh did we have great times together at work, at lunchtime, and she even came over to the house twice. That I did not tell my wife. She would have flipped out. I did nothing with the girl at my home and thats the truth. I wanted too. The point I am trying to get across to you is we are all human and we all have sexual desires. Some are stronger than others. And some people are stronger than others to fight it. I told the girl at work about what my wife said about "falling in love with the girl at work". She gave me back all but one piece of jewelry I had bought for her and she found another job. Maybe your husband is more "dutiful" than I was and lets hope so. For the both of your sakes. Just remember the story I just wrote to you which is very true. It could happen to you. It probably won't. Why I shared all of this personal info with you is beyond me. Maybe I feel so badly for what was actually cheating in a sense without sex, and want to clear my conscience. Or maybe I don't want you to think that what your husband is doing is should be taken lightly. Be aware and be careful. (smile)

Answer 5

guess I am lucky... I know a few of the people my husband works with... I could ask them if my husband ever had anyone on the side there, and a few of them would tell me... if he did... do you know anyone at his work that you would consider a good friend? ask them to do some snooping for you... but my guess is, this lady is not happy w/ her own marraige so she flirts w/ others... or perhaps she thinks she is hot stuff...ugh @ people's egos... people like to start rumors so they call her his girlfriend... your husband should actually put a stop to it because sometimes too much joking around is a bad thing... or joking about the wrong things... it's actually harassment, in a way... if he cares about you, he should ask them to stop calling her his girlfriend... plain and simple... just tell him, "I don't like that they call her your girlfriend, please ask them to stop". If he cares, he will do this, if he does not do it, just tell him, "she must be your girlfriend, then"... see what he does... =( good luck! =) and if she flirts w/ him he should tell her to act more professional or he will go to her boss and report it... she keeps flirting because he lets her even if he does not realize this... also, people of the opposite sex should never go on business trips together... there should be a company policy about it... and if he is sleeping w/ her to get points for his raises dump him... but hope for the best that it's just flirting and he needs to tell her to stop...!!!

Answer 6

Regarding the office honey, I,d keep my concerns to myself, as it will only make you appear weak and jealous in the eyes of your hubby, not to mention, I think he may even tell his office honey that your finding her a threat, and you dont want to give this woman the satisfaction of knowing that you are jealous of her as this will only feed her ego and actually make your husband even more attractive to her. So keep it hush/hush. But do not turn a blind eye to the situation either, I really do see a problem that may just turn into more than office flirtation. And remember, even though you may see your marriage as wonderful and the sex is great, etc, this may not be how he feels? Men are so difficult to understand, but I do understand us women, so Id do everything in my power to make darn sure this office honey does not leave town with my husband!

Answer 7

your husband knows she has feelings for him, he's doing the best he can to keep away from her... there is nothing you can do for now..... keep an eye on him, and try to meet and have a one on one conversation with his boss to get to konw her... tell her how happy you two are and mention the kids alot (if any).....

on the negative side, if he's always happy as s h i t while he is around her... maybe they are already doing something.. and this is their game plan,, kind of like reverse psycology.. in the end though, the boss will get tired of him, and hubby will start complaing about how he hates his job...

good luck

Answer 8

Sound like he trying to get promoted at work the wrong way> Your right to feel this way> But your choices are limited as he is working there>But For how long ????

Answer 9

From a guys point of view. He either is cheating or will be soon. I would bet on already cheating.
His is telling you "thinking" you wont be suspicious if you think he is telling you everything but he isn't telling you he has feelings for her.
You need to.....I would say kick him to the curb, but talk to him first.

Answer 10

i think of that it relatively is traditionally an ever cutting-edge syndrome - the better half's mom never needed her boy to improve faraway from her, so no different woman is solid adequate for her son. She dotes on him and refuses to shrink the apron strings, because of the fact her experience of self is tied so strongly to being his mom.