I am madly in love with my husband, but I resent him for not letting me have more children.?

Question

All I have ever wanted was to be a mother to 4 children. My husband knew this and one day promised me that this would happen. However my husband insists that I have a constant full time job. We already have 2 girls whom I love, but were not planned, and I would love to try for another. When I lost my job that I had to get because my husband got layed off from his, I put my foot down and told him that it was his job to be the provider. Since then he has completely changed his mind about having more kids and told me under no circumstance could we have any more. This hurts me very deeply and he knows. I can't even look at another baby without wanting to cry. He is so serious about this that the issue of divorce has actually come up. I am having a hard time getting past this. I know I love him and he loves me. I am not sure I could live without out him, but I resent him now and I am afraid this will hurt our marriage in the long run as well. Is this something I should just get past?

Let me clarify for all you people who think we aren't financially ready and think I don't work. I have several jobs, it's just that before I was working 7 days until 8:00 while he was home with the kids. During this time he helped out none ( chores etc. ) So when I was layed off I told him to step up and be the SOUL provider. I do not work for that company anymore, but I still do real estate, have my own stork business ( part time/ fun ), as well as doing bookeeping for my husbands well growing business. So I do contribute, more than enough, and I never said I would stop.

Answer 1

I don't believe in over-population. Stick with the two you have and babysit for someone to get your "baby fix". Have a daycare service from your home, that way you'll be earning extra money for you guys!

Answer 2

I understand that he promised you 4 children and understand your disappointment when he said that there would be no more after the two girls. But also as I was reading your story, you demanded him pretty much "step up to the plate" and be the provider of the family. That is adding more pressure on him to earn extra money for the two girls, plus you want two more children. That has to be hard on him as well. In essences, more children, more money, more stress. If he is working all the time to be the provider and you have more children, will you complain that he isn't home enough with the kids as well? If you want to have more children, it's takes two, two to make them and two to provide for them. If you can, start a home business on the Internet where you can bring in some extra money and save up if you want to have more children. Your husband will see that you're trying your best to help him out financially and then maybe he may change his mind on having more children.

Answer 3

Realistically speaking is there a hope you can get back together? Does he have any interest in reconciling? Would you be willing to go to counseling? It is way too easy for people to both get married and divorced these days. Counseling may help you realize either what your mistakes were the first time around, or how to go on with your life. Have you considered the possibility that maybe it isn't that you are still in love with him, but miss the comfort of a stable relationship. I think you need to have a serious talk with your ex and see where things may go.

Answer 4

The urge for children is inherent...and incredibly, miraculously strong. I think both you and your husband are sort of putting up walls...yours is a weeping, needy, emotional uncontrollable urge and his is cold, stony, unwaivering spite. I think the two of you need to talk to each other and I think you need to initiate. I want you to not be emotional and put your feelings aside for a few moments and ask your husband his reasons. Is it logistic? Is it fear? What is keeping him from saying, "no"? Then go from there. Ask him if he could consider more children in say, 4 years when things are more stable and then let him know what you will do (compromise). For instance, you will not get emotional and sit and cry about it in front of him during this time period...you will trust his judgment of what's best for the family at this point...but in turn, he must trust your when the time comes to re-evaluate having more children. Men need to feel control and a sense of hold over the home...they are made to take care of people and need to feel needed and protective...don't forget his needs and I am sure if you meet them....he will meet yours. Good luck to you, please feel free to email if you'd like to speak further.

Answer 5

No, it is not something you can just get passed. Your husband is under the impression that if you have another baby you get to stay home and he still has to go to work. His issue is working. So until you get past the real reason as to why now he dose not want any more children then this will never be resolved. Him threatening to divorce you sounds just like a threat and what does he think he is going to accomplish by paying child support for 3 kids plus housing for himself.

You are correct in the long run you will hate him and leave anyway. So if you want another child get moving as the clock is ticking. Good Luck...

Answer 6

I'm sorry but I find this disturbing. If he had told you that having more children that he is responsible for scared him , that would be one thing. He said no more after you made him be the man of the house and now he is showing you that he is. He is on some sort of power trip and that is scary. How is the rest of your marriage going to go? I say you need to have a serious talk about power with him, then the more children thing.

Answer 7

You two are rotten at compromising! Clearly, your husband does not want to be the sole provider, but YOU put your foot down. So, naturally, he believes that since he's the one who would have to pay for the expenses related to having more children, he is in the right to decide what his expenses should be.

My advice is to start a dialogue with your husband in which you begin by providing him with some empathy about the pressures of being the sole breadwinner in the family. It seems likely that if you are willing to compromise with him by contributing to the household financially, he might be willing to compromise with you about having one more baby. (Cross the bridge of #4 when you come to it.)

As long as you steadfastly refuse to compromise about you not working outside the home, your husband will almost certainly also refuse to compromise about having another child.

Answer 8

geez , it is like you are at the show , you have already landed 2 of the prizes and you want more , your husband is saying no. you have to think about the situation , there is a reason , and it is money , and lack of it , I can sympathise with him with this , be careful about the divorce word , men in genaral will build and build , but when the light at the end of the tunnel disapears , and hope gets lost , then you are both screwed , your realtionship is about teamwork , you cant blackmail someone to get what you want , and this is what you are doing , be happy with your situation , dont make obstacles that just dont exist , and dont force your man to give you another baby , be reasonable

Answer 9

Be happy you have the 2 girls.....Some woman can't even have one. He sounds a bot controlling and, that isn't right. He knew what you wanting when you got married and he is taking that away from you now cause he had to get off his butt to get a job? Might want to think about some counseling....

Answer 10

I Resent Him