my bestfriend was abused as a child - what should i do??

Question

i am a seventeen year old girl.. who have a male bestfriend @ my age. he was sexually abused by a man from the internet from the age of 12-15. he told me and our other bestfriend this autumn. we tried dialing helping numers (dont know the english word for it, im from europe) and we arranged a meeting with a psychologist for him. but he backed out. we have tried to make him tell what happened to him to his parents, but he refuses to do so. he cuts himself and is concidering suicide. he is also very depressed. our other bestfriend tells me we should go directly to his parents and tell them everything, but i'm not sure that's the right thing to do...? what do you guys think we should do

i've asked him what he would say if i told his parents, and he told me he would get very mad, but maybe he cant think straight in this situation?

Answer 1

You've done what you can with him. Go to his parents. Tell them at the very least that you know he's harming himself and is suicidal. If you don't feel comfortable telling them the rest, tell them that he will actually deny that there's an issue but that you know something has happened to him, AND DON'T GIVE UP TILL THEY LISTEN.

It sounds like betrayal, I know, but saving his life is more important. Eventually, he will understand.

Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 2

As a healthcare professional, I am required by law to tell authorities anytime I know somebody was molested. If he is an adult now you can't go against his wishes. He will have a very hard time dealing with this. I think he needs to report it quickly before the statute of limitations runs out so this guy can be prosecuted. He is probably molesting other kids right now! Your friend needs to stand up to protect other kids ASAP! Best luck.
(PS: Isn't any alternative better than suicide?)

Answer 3

ok the situation already happened its just the picking up the pieces that the perv shatttered and trying 2 move on and protect the next person from that happening 2. but if u go 2 his parents he will never trust ya'll agin, he will not see it n his best intrest of ya'll trying 2 help him, it took this long 2 open up 2 someone he will close up again. then he has 2 deal with the reaction of his parents. if they care they might b the type that blames themselve or is uper-sorry and thats not goiing 2 help him, thats more pressure and hurt on top of him. tyr 2 b consistant with hepling him, but not forceful or pushy. five him more time, do it stpe by stpe he will eventually see who is there and trying 2 help him. suggest other ways 2 have him let out his pain & anger. example: gym, kick-boxing, movement activites.

good luck

Answer 4

Just let him no how much you care about him. and constantly tell him you love him and that you care for him, that if he killed himself you'd never forgive yourself DO NOT force him into telling you or anyone else. I've been there. I know.. Its not the right thing to do. I was abused from the ages of 11-14. I'm a 15 year old girl, I was aboused by my Mother... she stopped and I've recovered, Just give him the same chance, He needs to heal.

Answer 5

If he is doing all this to himself he already needs help badly. A true friend should confide an get the help he needs before he kills himself. What about the person that did the abuse, he is probably out there molesting others, he needs to be stopped. For your friend best interest tell someone that can get him help now. You won't like it if he kills himself and you did nothing to stop it.

Answer 6

You must tell his parents. If he committed suicide, you would regret not saying anything and it would haunt you forever.

Most importantly, there is a chance that you could help catch the evil man who did this to your friend. He is most likely out there abusing other kids right now!!!

Answer 7

I think you would be betraying his trust by going to his parents. I would be encouraging him to talk about it, just be supportive of his decisions, but see if he can give you a reason for them. It is very hard for anyone to relate to what he is going through, even if they have had a similar experience. It can take a long time for a young person to realise that they were not at fault. Just be there for him, and make sure he knows he can trust you!

Answer 8

He is fortunate to have buddies like you and your friend. many cutters/ suicidal people are ashamed to get help, and men, see it as a sign of weakeness. he needs to tell his parents, and fast!!! What if he , you know, " does it" and offs himself?? You and your friend will feel so bad for not intervening sooner. i would tell his parents for him, if he can't do so himself. he needs help!!! i wish you well on helping him. i agree with the other best friend. eliver aletter to his parents, ( knock, drop the letter and make sure they see it, then run if it will be better for the friend) and then let the parents take it from there. Good luck on this, and I wish your friend well.

Answer 9

I know you want to help your friend out but the best thing you can do is tell his parents and let them handle the situation. His parents will be able to get him the help he needs, and hopefully find out who the perv is that abused him.

Answer 10

i would tell the cops and i wouldn't give a damn if he got mad. you are trying to help him. the man would be getting arrested if it were up to me. DO WHAT'S RIGHT! Here is where integrity counts. If you know of a minor being abuse you should say something. HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU TWO DO. HELP HIM!!! TELL THE COPS WHAT YOU WROTE HERE. IT'S TOO MUCH OF THIS GOING ON ALREADY. Here in the USA our motto is "if you see something say something" do what's right.