my ex was my highschooL boyfriend. we haven't seen each other in 10years. i found him on the internet and since then we had communication... he still loves me and willing to accept me and be with me and my kids. but the problem is that, my husband (who's in the US) is so much in-love with me. he wouldn't let go of me... my ex (who's also abroad) would be arriving next year and he wants to marry me. my country doesn't have a divorce and i don't think my husband would be willing to give me annulment. what should i do?
2007-10-17 23:49:48 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You and your ex have lost contact for so long, and you both have changed dramaticaly in those 10 years. He is not the same person in which you remember him. You are still thinking of him as how he was then, when the two of you were so close. But it is not like that anymore. You and him are probably in much different situations and at different times in your lives. With you only speaking to him on the net and not in person or not spending any time with him, you cannot get the right feel for him yet. You both are different now and are leading different lives. He may think that he can accept you and the kids, but when he is faced with it, he may not be able to. Why risk what you have with your husband now for something that you are n ot sure you will be able to have. If your husband loves you that much, then you should stay with him. Many of us go our entire lives without knowing true love for or from another, but you were lucky enough to find that. If that is the only reason you are wanting to leave your husband, then I do not believe that you should. I think if you have it that good, then you should cherish what you have with your husband. Is it possible for you to go to another country to get a divorce or annulment or something similar? If your husband loves you as much as you say he does, then he will want what will make you happy, and if that is not him, then he will grant you an annulment. Try talking to him and being open and honest with him, and he may go ahead and give you what you want. I hope you make the right choice......the right choice would be the one that makes you happy. Life is too short not to be happy. I wish you the best.
2007-10-18 00:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your situation--it took me many years to get over my feelings for my college girlfriend, even after I got married to someone else. So I have some advice:
1. Your feelings that you'll be happier with your ex than your husband are not realistic. You know what it's like to live with your husband but you don't know (yet) what it's like to live with your ex, and once you start living with someone there is always disillusionment and some boredom as you get used to each other and the romance faces.
2. You haven't said that your husband is abusive, cold, or any of the things that usually drive couples apart. Are you really willing to give up a decent relationship for one that is completely unknown?
3. You do have to consider the welfare of your children and the damage you do by breaking up a family and separating from their father.
4. It's almost always difficult for a new person to come into a family and have to adjust to living with another person's children. This is a major cause in failed relationships--the new spouse and the children can't adjust.
In short, while part of me sympathizes with you, I think you're being unrealistic and unwise to give up your marriage for an internet romance.
2007-10-18 07:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by AnOrdinaryGuy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother of two, what you should do is grow up.
You aren't in love with a man you knew years ago, you are in love with the image you carry of a happier and less responsible time. Life, however has moved on. What was so wonderful when you are young isn't so perfect when it comes up again later on.
Your husband won't allow an annulment, your country doesn't recognize divorce, unless you move out of your country, there isn't anything you can do and still keep your children, and in all probability your family or your religion. That's a lot to give up for a man you haven't seen in ten years.
2007-10-18 06:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Bear with me a bit. I'm going to be talking about God a bit here, and that may not be where you want to go, but I have some advice here that you are really going to want to take a look at.
I think you just don't know what you want. You wouldn't be satisfied with him either, and then you would have the guilt of damaging your children to deal wit, not to mention the damaged children.
Seriously, people everywhere are trying to fill an God shaped hole in their lives with almost anything. Some people go to drugs or alcohol or pornography or television or even food, and nothing fits. Now here you are sizing up your ex boyfriend to see if he might fit in that hole.
You would still be miserable and you would end up divorced again.
The problem is that even in the church the divorce rate is just as high as on the outside. That is because that even the church does not for the most part know how to teach people to fill that hole.
Here's the kicker: People are self centered. Men throve on accomplishment, and women thrive on consolation when what we need to thrive on is Jesus. When we don't get what we want, it wounds us, and then we start acting out of our wounds instead of out of love. That's where you are at, and that is where your husband is at.
Here is an organization that will help you get the wounds healed and on the right track towards a happy life:
www.biblicalconcepts.org
Here are some others, but I recommend the one above for marriages if you can find something in your area:
www.theophostic.com
www.outreachofgodsword.com
www.elijahhouse.org/usa.html
www.healingrooms.com
These are Christ centered organizations, so be prepared for that. They are not expensive, and most of what they offer is free.
2007-10-18 12:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by Caveman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you had with you ex is in the past. You have a new family now and they need you more and you need to appreciate that. You have a husband and 2 children who loves you. It's not about your life only anymore but also the lives of your children. As a parent, these are the kinds of sacrifices that we make for our children. When we end up falling in love with someone else, we must forget about that and focus more on the present.
Especially because you don't know what will happen to your relationship with your boyfriend. You guys are reacting to feelings that existed in the past and is being awakened once again. But things have changed already. You have children that are not his. He may say that he can accept that now, but what about in the long run? I don't think that he can. I have been in a similar situation and it felt more right for me to stay in my marriage than to start a new one. I felt safer and my children was much happier.
2007-10-18 07:37:55 · answer #5 · answered by Jeannette E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should suck it up and stay with your husband and kids. Unless there's something about your husband that warrants you leaving him (abuse, cheating, neglect, or you simply hate each other), you are doing harm to your children by falling into the arms of an ex-boyfriend, a situation that may not be as utopian as you think.
If you didn't have kids, I'd say hey, do what you need to do. But children make the situation exponentially more complex and the decision is no longer about your needs--it's about theirs.
2007-10-18 06:54:51 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being bored and look into pleasing your husband. The other guy would be perfect, but you will run into the same boredom pattern with the next guy. spice it up and stop communicating with the ex. It is the same as cheating. The children are so important. All women get bored.
2007-10-18 07:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by Smiley30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont wreck your marriage. You will be making the biggest mistake. Your ex has been around the world and screwed everything in sight now he want to stir up trouble in your life and marriage. He is trouble, keep him far. Life will never be good with this X, get rid of him. Hold on to your sanity and keep your marriage and your children and live a good decent life for your family. Stop clowning around and acting like a giddy goose.You children need a stable home and their own parents.
2007-10-18 06:55:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself do you love your husband and can you see yourself without him? If you really love you ex than go for it you cant fight or chose who you love! Have you thought about how your children might be? If this is really what you want then go with your heart and i wish you all the best! and if your husband really does love you he will respect your wishes but will be hurt! If he does want to give you an annulment take it to court! i wish you all the best! cheers
2007-10-18 06:54:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a wonderful mother and an excellent wife. I'm sure that when you get bored with your ex you will "suddenly" realize that you've actually been in love with your first husband the whole time. You sound like a brainless twit. I feel sorry for your kids for coming from such retarded genes. Get your tubes tied before you wreak any more trouble.
2007-10-18 07:05:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋